Stalker Diet Detective Ambushes Overweight Women For Reality TV Show

WE's programming schedule centers around shows whose main point seems to be showing how neurotic and wedding-obsessed women supposedly are.  Also, check this one out: http://www.wetv.com/little-miss-perfect/

Without irony or sarcasm, they have a show called Little Miss Perfect, encouraging, even praising, one of the worst forms of child abuse and poor moral education for girls; child beauty pageants. Self esteem is not even an idea for these (very young) girls pushed by their parents to win at any cost. And if you aren't Little Miss Perfect, we don't love you. 

Granted, that's a pretty foul idea for a show, but did any of y'all notice that this program is on WOMEN'S ENTERTAINMENT Television ( http://www.wetv.com/save-your-life/index.html )?

Apparently, some Executive Producer out there thought that this would be a show that women would enjoy watching.  It's not like it's on Spike TV and it's a big joke or something.  I'd be interested to hear what the logic was in putting this show on a channel targeted towards women.

~ Bill ( http://billcammack.com/ )
I blog at billcammack.com ( http://billcammack.com/ )

( http://billcammack.com )

I completely disagree with all of you playing the victim card.  Firstly this is a show and the women don't have to sign on they can refuse to participate.  They do it because they feel they have a problem.  There is nothing wrong with being over weight if that's how you want to look but it is extremely unhealthy how dare a husband want to have his wife around for years to come. To understand why someone overeats and what they're weaknesses are you'd have to "stalk" them. I don't find the show interesting but I don't think the producers host or netwrok should be ashamed.

Not to defend the show at all, but we did catch at least one episode that featured a man, so apparently it is a mix.

The Evil Slut Clique
( http://evilslutopia.blogspot.com )

EvilSlutopia ( http://evilslutopia.blogspot.com )

Until people are stalking average-sized people to intervene with what they assume is bulimia, or thin people are abushed about their assumed anorexia or poor nutrition, or marathon runners are confronted them on their addition to runner's high for that matter -- until then, I'm going to assume that people who think they know when to judge others as unhealthy are woefully underinformed.

Take a deep breath before you think you know what is going on with someone else's health.  Your judgements might be clouded with bigotry, or with good old-fashioned victim-blaming to make yourself feel in control.

Deb
www.debontherocks.com ( http://www.debontherocks.com/ )blog
www.3smartgirlz.com ( http://www.3smartgirlz.com/ ) consulting

How could I forget, that was the infamous Bulging Brides!  And I wrote the post:

http://www.blogher.com/new-reality-tv-bully-bulgin...

Gotta love that WE. 

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ ) 

It reminds me of another show on WeTV, where brides to be have to shed a few pounds to get into that symbolic wedding dress... 

what a bunch of bullsh*t... Listen, it's one thing if someone is actually concerned about their loved ones' choices in eating fattening foods that have led to some dangerous consequences (high cholesterol, obesity, etc(... but don't poop in an ice cream cone and call it a sundae... don't show me a woman who looks about the same healthy figure as, say, almost every other girl I know, who doesn't have one health problem and tell me she "needs help".

Puh-leeze.  

I cannot believe this is an actual show. It appeals to the absolute worst kind of schadenfreude.

Like a lot of what's on TV these days, it would not surprise me if this show idea was taken from something similar I saw on the BBC. Only in that case, the stalker/health guru was a woman and weight was measured in stones.  

 I know people are freaked out by the stalker aspect, but how different is this than the secret footage that opens shows like "What not to Wear?" As another commenter said this is the 'ambush makeover' genre.

And maybe that's a bad thing, but when you have percentages of obesity in the US and UK populations that are orders of magnitude higher than most other western nations, I think we should accept that something has gone askew in our lifestyles and that it needs to be addressed.

 It's very easy to blame the fast food and processed food companies, and certainly they are at fault... but how many of us drive our kids to the bus stop or to school instead of walking. How many of us bring a healthy lunch to work? How many of us eat takeout or processed meals more often than we cook? How many of us eat at our desks. How many of us take a walk at lunch or after work?

My father's health was also compromised by his diet, he died at 53.  We didn't know much about cholesterol or exercise back then, but we do now and to continue our nationally poor eating/exercising habits in the face of that knowledge is foolhardy.

Keep in mind though, that what we should be talking about is obesity and not "a little overweight."  The woman in front of the hot dog place in the promo does not look obese to me, and that makes the discussion we should be having much harder than it needs to be.

- Lisse

@ Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com )

I suppose if I see episodes with an equal number of men being treated in the same way will I think that this show is remotely fair.

"There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, time is short, and suddenly, you're not here any more." -The Ghost of Christmas

Honestly, after watching that trailer it seemed like a spoof. It was so cheesey! It looked like something I'd see on SNL.

Jes Ferris
Find me at BlogHer.com ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) and Chirky.com ( http://www.chirky.com )

would not have gone on Biggest Loser if he could have? Do you think he's not CRUSHED by being "the fat one", as he said a couple of episodes ago? Do you think his family doesn't love him?

Ron and Mike have a new understanding of their lives. They have a new sense of their capabilities. And they won't die as soon. All those are good things, and they're good things they want to SHARE with Matt. They don't have him on TV to shame him. They aren't ashamed of him. They're trying to give him something good, that he NEEDS.

People are crazy about protecting dysfunctional behavior with denial and defensiveness.  That's the way addictive behavior operates. I knew a woman once who "dieted" on champagne and chocolate. She'd eat that for a couple of weeks and lose a few pounds. Gee, do you think her weight was the problem, OR the solution? No, I don't, either. Being skinny doesn't solve your problems. Being fat doesn't solve your problems. Dieting doesn't solve your problems. But solving your problems solves your problems. A lot of people (of all weights) are 'solving' their problems with food. That doesn't work, anymore than solving your problems with alcohol does. With any luck, Matt now has a culture of education and support that will enable him to solve his problems other ways.

And you know what? He won't weigh as much then. Because I saw what he thought was lunch, and he was WRONG. (And lying. He was lying about what he eats for lunch, because I'll bet you he usually eats more, and he was embarrassed. People routinely lie about things that will embarrass them, that's not a sin.) If your child eats a bean burrito kids meal at Taco Bell, they've had 500 calories, before soda. If they add a cheese roll-up, that's another 200 calories.  That's 700 calories.  That's HALF the average calorie requiremnet for 4-8 year olds. Drinking water.  And that's one of the good ones.

People don't know what they're eating.

People don't know WHY they're eating.

People are eating too much.

Now it's true, some people don't get caught at it as easily. So what? I have fair skin. Lot's of people can spend more time in the sun than I do and they don't burn. Acting as if I had adequate supplies of melanin would get me sunburn first, and cancer soon after. And if I was doing that, and someone wanted to put on a reality show called, "Put some sleeves on that girl!" I'd be lucky if my family (having exhausted all more subtle ways of giving me the heads up.) called up and said, "Embarrass her. We don't want her to have more skin cancer due to her tinheaded behavior."

Would changing my behavior ensure I never had a problem? No, of course not. This is about likelihood, not certainty. But if everyone pussyfoots around people engaging in behavior that is bad for them, how is that supportive? Avoiding conflict isn't the only value in life. Sometimes, solving problems outranks it. 

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who

Likewise there are a lot of thin people who are unhealthy as a result of the choices they make. 

We are all the same, big or little, with needs for love and acceptance. Shame has no place in our lives, and anyone who makes us feel it or doesn't provide us a place where it doesn't exist is not our friend and should not be discussing something as personal as our body size or condition with us.  There may be shame for the fat brother of the final four contestant on the Biggest Loser, who stands there mute while the world watches him and his brother discusses his body. Did he choose it? On paper, probably. Did he realistically have a choice? Probably not. He shouldn't be on there. This isn't his story.  

No one else's body is really our business. You can want to talk about it, but I can decide if I want your input. And people who want to "help" need to be clear about their motivations and what about their situation makes them qualified to do so. 

Laurie 

I get so enraged when people bring up the body mass index like it's the final word on health when it's not. The BMI was created to assist physicians loosely define a patient's
obesity without having to use any equipment beyond a scale. It was
never meant to become a barometer for health or the authority on which
to base medical diagnosis.

Mathematically,
the fact that the height is squared and not cubed is totally arbitrary.
Someone decided that was how it would be and so that's how it is.
Secondly, the BMI doesn't take a person's frame into account. It's
defaulted to individuals who are physically inactive. It doesn't
account for fat or muscle or bone or water weight, either. So athletes, due to muscle being denser than fat, tend to be
considered obese by the BMI. For the same reason, children and the
elderly who have lower bone densities have a tendency to be labeled as
underweight.

I
don't think it's useless: as a fast tool that can help
guide a battery of further examinations by a doctor, it can be helpful.
But to use it as the infallible standard by which to to discern the
health of a person, it is an abrogation on
the part of the medical community.

I have been "underweight" my whole life--I rarely break 17 on the BMI.
Yet my doctors know I'm fine. I'm just not built to carry more weight
than I do. My nutrition is not The Best, but I pay attention to what I
eat and make sure it's hearty and balanced. To imagine a person going
around telling women what they need without anything beyond a vague
idea of their bodies is irresponsible and crude and I hope the person
who is behind this gets a horrible rash.

</rant>

Bonetopia?  That cracked me up! 

Fried Chicken - I'm not giving that up EVER.  Make it in the same cast-iron skillet that my grandmother made it in. 

The thing that I appreciate most is the openness here. There are a lot of overweight people who are unhealthy as a result of choices that they make.  That said, we can only make choices based on the information that we have, and can only act on those choices based on the resources that we we have.  And that's where this conversation has to start.

It cannot be about meeting some shallow ideal for a skinny body. It must be about making choices that enable us to be and feel healthy - inside and out. It can't be about anyone feeling bad because they are skinny or fat, but about feeling loved for who they are and empowered to be who they want to be. 

I want there to be a way that we can dialog together without shame....

But this TV show sounds like it is built on shame.  I say, as I'm crying watching The Biggest Loser contestants finish a marathon....  I love this show. Empowerment and inspiration....

____________

Alyssa Royse

Just Cause It: ( http://www.justcauseit.com )A Web Site To Save The World

( http://www.startherup.com )

I just wanted to say that. You rock so hard.

Laurie

LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )

I always loved the occasions when one of their 'experts' ran up to some woman on the street and said, "We'd like to give you a makeover" and she said, "No, I'm good, thanks."But most of those people were ratted in, too.

I can't see the clip...my computer isn't into video, so maybe I'd be differently outraged by it than I am by the text I have. And I don't know who We-TV is, so I'll assume it's cable. But I see perfectly fine looking woman jumping up and down in silly hats at the Today Show, every week, trying to "win' a make-over. They're tickled. Their friends are thrilled. Their kids and spouses are beside themselves with joy. I'd disown the lot of them, if I was the target, and I make sure my loved one's know that I'd be...well, if everyone was lucky, extremely rude.

Hard to imagine everyone getting so lucky. ;-D

But why is it different for fat? I see it suggested that the industries be changed, and I agree. But that's not what television does. If any of these participants doesn't want to play, why can't they just dump their sundae over the guy and keep on? The idea seems to be that they don't because fat is oppressed.  Sure, but another reason they might not is that people LIKE to go on television (look at the people on those Nanny shows) and because trading their privacy gets them help they can't pay for. That's what keeps afternoon talk shows in business, mostly, isn't it? If I really needed 3 guys tested for paternity, I'd head straight for Maury. DNA testing is pricey.

 So maybe all the husbands are cruel guys. Maybe they're guys trying to get help for their wives but are pretty clueless. But no one is broadcasting anyone who hasn't signed a release. That would be illegal.  My father had no idea in the world what a serving of breakfast cereal looks like.  I will guarantee you, he never ate one. His 3rd wife tried to clean out the cupboards of junk, and he'd buy ice cream on the way home. Would she have traded a little humiliation for being widowed again? Damn straight, she would. My father died of his vices, gluttony prominently among them.

Not all people get fat because they eat badly and get no exercise. But that's the problem for a lot of us. All you have to do is look at our calorie intake and know that. http://www.portionteller.com/pdf/sanjosemercurynew...

So, what's the respectful way to get that across to people?

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who

There are people who worship and envy your body. I think you found the lone person who thought you were heading to Bonetopia.

This society is structured so that thin is the measurement of of feminine success. The only permitted place of excess fat is in the breast and saline is replacing fat as the preferred means of plumping up.

I have lost and gained weight. No matter what I do this society and culture still gives me hell for looking like I do.

At my lowest adult weight I still had big hips and thighs. It is the way I am built. I can lose weight but I will never, ever be skinny. (A horrible word to describe a person, just as bad as fatty.)

Yes, there are loving, safe ways to ask a person about concerns about their health. But before approaching that friend or loved one that person needs to really understand why they have a problem.

If it is a actual health concern independent of the weight you might have good cause to ask.

If you know the person is having a rough time maybe a person could address that problem before you go near the weight thing.

If you married her at one size and now she is 2x larger then there needs to be discussion but be prepared for answers you may not like.

I agree about the nutrition issue but that would involve dismantling huge chunks of the fast food industry. I'm game. (Except for Church's, nope, not going to happen.) It would also require access to clean food, teaching skills on how to prepare it and dare I mention, time to acquire and deliver food in under an hour.

You can't just talk about "curing" the fat person. You'd have to cure the industries that caused it, the lack of adult recreation that does not include electronics, a work life that for most of us is sedentary or mental exhausting..

Even if all that happens, I'm still going to have big thighs. I am who I was made to be.

WE-TV has absolutely no respect for that and there is a country full of people who will watch this video humiliation project and not have a problem with it.

You know, your right. I do get angry. Not at your post. Just the whole flipping thing.
Gena - Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com )

If they're close enough to you and care about you and have the kind of relationship that fosters this kind of exchange. I don't know why the people close to you didn't do that - don't know you, so can't guess - maybe because 20 pounds on you isn't as noticeable? Or they're afraid of offending you. Or you've always been thin so it's an odd or even more awkward topic? (Again, I don't know you, just assuming this is true - the bodies of the perpetually under- and over-weight seem to be the ones that are continually open for comment. Oh, and the very tall and short, too. It's the extremes that seem to make people feel ok about commentary.)

I approached a seriously obese friend with concerns about his health, in love, and I think it helped him, seemed to be part of the trigger that got him on the way to a better lifestyle. But in the context of this conversation, a man following you on the street in a car is surely not that person. 

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )

First, let me say that I can't even watch the trailer for the show because the idea of it makes me SICK to my stomach for all of the reasons that have already been stated.  How in the world did this make it through months of meetings without someone saying, "this is bullshit, you can't treat people this way and we're gonna get killed, probably by fat people, the people we supposedly want to help?"  I"m just asking.

That said, I was recently stopped on the street by a friend, who pulled me aside and with condescending sincerity asked me if i was ok.  "I'm worried about your health, you're wasting away."

I'm not, for what it's worth, wasting away.  I have, however, lost about 20 pounds in the last 5 months. (I eat well, and plenty, I work out a lot, I meant to lose 20 pounds. I just know how my body feels it's best and works it's best, and it's at THIS weight, not 20 pounds heavier.)

So, here's my question, and I ask it sincerely.  Why did no one pull me aside and, with condescending sincerity, ask me if i was okay when I gained 20 pounds? 

Sure, we're all built very differently, and I do believe that we all deserve the same respect regardless of our body type. But for most people, a weight gain of 20 pounds can be indicative of lots of unhealthy things - stress, depression, illness. But no one would dare ask, any more than they'd ask "when are you due" without seeing a head coming out. Why is it ok to look at weight loss as a sign of problems and not weight gain? 

Indeed, a lot, NOT ALL, obesity can be linked to things like highly processed food, lack of exercise and other things that are not healthy. So is it wrong to ask? To suggest alternatives? 

Before people get really mad at me, if it's not too late, I'm really just curious...

I DO NOT think that heavy people are inherently unhealthy, bad, stupid, worthless or anything else. But I do think that this is a nation of people who have embraced the bad nutrition and exercise habits that have been fed to them, and I think we need to address it, without judging, blaming and getting angry.

This show sounds beyond repulsive. It violates every sense of dignity that we need.  But i do believe that their intent was good - help people make lifestyle decisions that would improve their lives. BUT ONLY IF THEY WANT TO AND ASK FOR IT!!!!!!!!  That's why i LOVE The Biggest Loser - it's an opt in celebration of determination and strength that shows how we can all make changes in our lives for better health. 

But it's fair to say that for many people, weight gain, like weight loss, is often linked to underlying issues - whether physical or emotional - that we need to feel safe enough to adress. 

Is there a safe way to address it without making people feel judged and angry?

____________

Alyssa Royse

Just Cause It: ( http://www.justcauseit.com )A Web Site To Save The World

http://www.zinio.com/justcause
( http://www.startherup.com )

To have a man specifically stalk you for the sake of an entertainment program is repulsive. To have him (yes him!) tell another woman what they can or cannot have unsolicited is, I'm gonna say it, "the patriarchy" in action!

Invite that fracker to any of the outdoor festivals, picnics or church socials this summer and try to shame Grandma out of her next bite of ribs. Somebody gonna get hurt and it will not be Grandma.

Now I believe nutrition, proper diet or understanding certain communities pre-disposition to diabetes. That is no joke. For some women there is an emotional component that plays a factor.

Bottom line it doesn't matter what the reason is; you should not be able to financially exploit a woman because she visually offends you.

We are people! Fat people are people! What part of this do they not understand?

Tell that fool to try removing a chicken thigh from the hand of a customer at a chain of restaurants called "Church's Chicken".

D-Double dare him. All I ask is that the cameras will be rolling. He'll really need someone to save his life.

Gena - Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com )

I can't help but notice the related slideshows near the article had (at the time of my viewing) hottest celebrity moms, hottest celebrity athletes, hottest celebrity redheads and top 10 smartest and dumbest dog breeds.

Not an actual health story in view. Nothing about nutrition. They could have an evergreen article on when to have a check-up. Naw, I see images of some dame in a bra/bikini top and a dog.

It is a constant (mental) trip.

Gena - Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com )

That is such a horrible show.  I cringe at the thought that people are so caught up in looks that they would take it to that extreme.  What a way to ruin someones self-esteem and that is more unhealthy then being a little overweight.  Stress and depression will kill you before being overweight will.  I do know if my husband ever done that to me it would take some intensive counseling or bye bye have a nice life would be appropriate.  God bless the woman who puts up with that but I guess its harder to do then say because I put up with my share of the bull. 

-*soldier85*-

Just horrid. 

Maria makes an interesting point about the women with the tumors.  Research shows that fat women are not given adequate care by many doctors, with one of the reasons being that they attribute any complaint to her weight, and tell her to lose it.  This is one reason that chronic diseases can progress to costly levels for heavy people (not to mention that it is common to avoid the doctor when you know you will be shamed and not listened to)--which is some of the correlation between weight and health problems.  Add to that the ridicule fat people can recieve just for daring to walk in public, let alone workout, and a good portion of the "unhealthiness" of being fat can be attributed to stress, bad medical care, late medical care and the cultural burden of oppression.  The funny thing is all of those things could be removed by medical experts and the public and the health of heavy people would improve dramatically-if those people really wanted to "save lives."

/rant 

Deb
www.debontherocks.com ( http://www.debontherocks.com/ )blog
www.3smartgirlz.com ( http://www.3smartgirlz.com/ ) consulting

Waaaaayyyyyy creepy.

I just don't even know what to say about the premise of the show. Every time I try I just sputter all over my keyboard. Or I write and then delete.

I'll just stick with Vered's WOW.

Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca/ ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca/ ).

This is an excellent post, Catherine, thank you. And I have to say, your description of an episode of the show sounds even worse than I imagined from the promo.

I'm with Vered - even by reality shows which profit in packaging humiliation for entertainment standards - this seems like a new low. And there's the little problem that you cannot tell someones health just by looking or even by measuring their BMI.

I happened to hear on the news this morning the story of a woman who was for years told to "just lose weight" until a Doctor finally actually examined her and discovered that she had a 40-pound cancerous Ovarian tumor ( http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/ovarian.tumor.40... ). "The doctor said there is no adequate test for ovarian cancer or tumors." Another woman who had an even larger tumor is quoted in the article about how she was publicly humiliated for being "fat."

How messed up are our attitudes and priorities in our culture and how perfectly does this show exemplify that?

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles )
PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer )
Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

that it was structured as To Catch a Heifer. Unconscionable.

I can't stand reality TV - I avoid it at all costs - but this is stooping low even for a genre that's known for doing so. Wow.

----

A Mommy Blogger ( http://momgrind.com/ ) and a Blogger For Hire ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ )

Once again the worst thing any woman can be is not a bad person, not an evil, mean person, and not someone who lies and cheats--no sir, the worst thing a woman can be is FAT!

The way this show is shot makes it look like one of those "Dateline" specials where they lure in pedophiles.  But that's only appropriate 'cause as we all know, fat women should be treated in exactly the same way.

How dare they even breath the same air as we do?

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ ) 

WOW.  Amazing what they'll do for money.  I agree that this is wrong on so many levels.  First off, the woman involved should at least have a say in how she handles her weightloss, that is assuming she even wants to loose weight or is ready to change her lifestyle.  If my husband did that too me I would be so humiliated, embarrassed and I would resent him for a long, long time.  Change the name to "please save my life" and let the people who need to loose weight take the first step.  If the weight gain has anything to do with self-esteem, emotional issues, etc.. this would send me over the edge.

ugh..I'm ranting but I made my point, I think.  It's wrong. Just my opinion.

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