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Sparkle (0)
So, has anybody else out there read that timeouts are the new spankings--i.e., totally ineffective and potentially damaging?
Apparently, by denying our children affection for a couple of minutes after they break the rules--generally set to prevent kids from experiencing or causing others physical harm--we're subjecting them to conditional love.
Um, maybe I'm confused, but I think all that wailing I hear from the corner after two-year-old Gunnar hits one-year-old Annie with the remote is out of longing for Thomas & Friends, not a snugglefest with Mom. The fact that I don't hug and kiss him during a timeout is sort of a side effect. Perhaps I'm busy drying the tears of my daughter who just got bonked on the head with a piece of hard plastic. Maybe I'm keeping my distance until I'm a little less livid.
I know he's little, but my son is probably smart enough to understand these logistics.
The other anti-timeout argument I saw recently was that putting out-of-line kids in the penalty box teaches them to suppress their emotions, which, by this logic, will only resurface again and again through increasingly disruptive behaviors. One particular article suggests the following:
Rather than preventing all hitting and throwing, redirect your child to things that can be hit and thrown safely. By focusing on your child’s feelings, rather than his behaviors, you validate his emotions and are able to provide him with safe ways of expressing himself.
Applied to my household, the technique would go something like this: "Annie, it looks like you're really in the mood to snatch away Gunnar's trains and watch him cry in despair. Hang on a second, Sweetie, and I'll fetch you some spiders from the basement so you can pluck off their legs."
As a related side note, I don't discipline the kids for having tantrums. They can cry and "express themselves" all their little hearts desire. They're just not going to get what they want by having a fit. It's possible the anti-timeout folks don't make this distinction. Regardless, I highly recommend Nanny Dee's well-written advice for letting tantrums burn out on their own.
