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My friend was cheated on by her boyfriend of seven years so I thought it was a case of the seven year itch but apparently he had been itching the whole seven years and needed a whole lot of scratching! Yipes! What do you say to your friend when he or she is the “cheatee” and you know the “cheater?”
It’s like geometry when you have a triangle and it depends on how many sides you are dealing with – in this case I know two sides of the triangle. Sometimes, when there is a love triangle, people know one, two, or, all three. The crime and punishment can all vary, depending on the geometry of it, right?
Murder is an obvious option but that is illegal and then you are just as bad, no worse, than the cheater. Maybe you are slightly better for at least being noble in wanting to help your friend. Of course, you can always be a good listener and listen while your friend calls the rat a rat and a few other names that usually read as “expletive deleted.” Let’s see. Some polite ones would include: worm, pond scum, maggot, but these are all too good for him and are all just part of nature.
In this case, I did try to confirm that her guy was all of the above names mixed into one and that she was better off without him for one more cheated upon day. I also tried to comfort her with the notion that it was good that it happened now before she was with him any longer before children came into the picture or a planned marriage occurred.
One day she was in; the next day she was out – just like a piece of fashion on the Bravo channel with Heidi Klum. When my friend found out – that was it. I’m sure she had visions of Lorena Bobbitt dancing through her head. But when the dust settles…where are you? With karma dangling over or under you!
The whole concept of being in a couple for seven years and suddenly being single has to be a rough one. Especially when it comes like a beheading like that. So, my friend was angrier than a hornet whose nest had just been yanked. She’s now out for justice. Aside from e-mailing every mutual contact or friend they ever had, she is making sure every one of their remaining finds out via phone or an in-person visit. She calls this revenge. I call it jumping the gun. This could backfire. Violence could ensue. Need I say Lorena Bobbitt twice?
I believe it was Shakespeare who said that, “Revenge is an dish best served cold.” I am not offering up any revenge plans here although it would be fun to think some up. I wrote a comedy movie in which I came up with quite a few really good ones but I hate to steal from my own material so I prefer readers come up with their own methods -- try to be as creative as possible!
Let’s just say that the sky is the limit when it comes to one’s own imagination. This is not to say any should be acted upon. But expressing the fantasy helps release the anger that comes from being hurt and devastated by someone we thought we knew and could trust.
The best therapy is to shred the person’s cards and photos. This is immensely gratifying because we are eradicating the immoral “evil-doer” as George Bush liked to say like a pest controller with his killer spray gun only we’re shredding them with a pretty good destroying machine that has big long metal teeth. No one is harmed, no harsh words are said, and no e-mails nor text messages are sent than cannot be un-sent.
I told my friend that she is bigger and better than this person and that she must never stoop to his low level of being a scoundrel because that is what he is. She must, at all times, retain her high standards and set an example of exemplary behavior and behave as if she were the wisest and smartest person who ever lived. That’s what I would do. Or try to! And keep those fantasies alive and well in my head!
Until our next intercourse…
…I’m Patricia Rust
