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Sparkle (3)
I have to be strong to be Leo's mom. Both physically and mentally. Not just now, but forever. My son needs me to be healthy and have stamina -- because however intense his needs are now, he will need as much if not more support when he becomes a man, and I need to be able to take care of him. He's almost ten, nearing puberty, nearer to adulthood than not -- I need to take care of health factors over which I have control, so that I can be here for him as long as possible.
Taking responsibility for staying healthy sucks, honestly. It means coming up with a plan, and that means extra effort when I'm already cruising on effort fumes. Taking action to stay healthy means less free time when time is already scarce. And I don't want to even partially surrender my stress-relievers of choice -- sweets and reading -- though I know that overindulging in either is contraindicative to my physical health.
But I have to start taking care of myself. I've been lucky with my physical health so far, hitting 40 without chronic health issues beyond uneven sleep-deprivation skin and a waistline of unusual size (for me). The latter wouldn't normally chafe -- I'm cool with my body -- but, according to my doctor and the elevated cholesterol test results she recently chastised me about, my curves are becoming dangerous. It's time to straighten things out.
I also need scrutinize my mental health. Though I work hard to maintain a positive attitude, like many parents of kids with special needs, I am prone to deep funky depression. I self-medicate with adrenaline and overscheduling, because, hey, if I don't sit still, the sad won't have time to settle. But that approach is not exactly... healthy.
I need a plan, a road map, for both physical and mental health. Here's what I'm going to try, for starters. (I'd welcome any additional suggestions.)
- More sleep. To be accomplished by saying "No," with increased frequency, and through choosing the pillow over TiVo, or that book I so desperately want to read (whimper).
- More exercise. I've signed up for yoga, so there. And I'll step up the hiking with Leo. Also, if anyone wants to prod me, there's a hiking trail outside my back door -- want to be my weekly hiking buddy?
- Less eating of the sweets. Via small choices: black coffee instead of lattes, only one small daily treat
- Portion control mixed with variety. This is effective but will require planning. I am always amazed by how full I feel after one of Starbucks' egg/biscuit/grape/cheese packages, though it is free of nasty reduced-fat/sugar anything, and only packs 370 calories.
- The effect of posture on attitude. Whenever I feel myself schlumping, physically or mentally, I roll back my shoulders and hold my head high -- and feel better almost immediately. When I'm out with Leo, these adjustments turn me into a proud confident autism mom. (I hate thinking my posture could be interpreted as an implicit apology for my son's presence.)
- Ask for help if I need it. This could lead to progress on No. 1.
It also helps to know good role models. Laura Shumaker, a writer and autism parent, said in her book A Regular Guy that, when she found herself on the verge of a mental crisis as evidenced by panic attacks, she found herself a good psychologist -- one who both listened to her concerns and guided her towards action. Laura considered their weekly therapy sessions "healing." I am going to have to follow her self-aware example one of these days.
Susan Senator, another autism parent, has always taken good care of her physical health -- she's a belly dancer, runner, and cyclist. I once asked her how she fits all her activities in, given that she -- like Laura, like myself -- has two typical children in addition to her son with autism. Susan said she simply made exercise it a priority. I'm going to have to follow her example, as well.
I also spoke with another special needs mom, Sarah Oriel of Planet Josh Mom, about her experiences maintaining physical and mental health. (Sarah's son is an older version of Leo. She is also currently training to run a half marathon.) Here's what she said:
Even though I've always known on some level that my importance in Josh's life meant that I really needed to do my best to be around and healthy for as long as possible,
