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Sparkle (0)
Here we go. This is my first post here. I can feel a monster inside wanting to get out.
I have so much to say, but never wanted to say it to anyone. I am coming up on my 47th birthday. I can't say I'm happy, but I'm not sad. I have just thought a lot about what it means to grow old. Why do we grow up and it's sounds fun, but we grow old and a dark cloud looms overhead? In the last several years I have seen my family growing older around me. My Grandfather on my mother's side was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease several years back and my brother had to place him in a care home because he was unable to take care of himself. He lived there for several years losing his battle last November 2008. My mother was also diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of years ago. A little over a year ago my brothers and I had to place her in a home because she needs full time care. She doesn't know anybody when we visit. She just mumbles and sings and has troubles walking. She seems frustrated and tense. I can't help but think if she could communicate she would want to go home. She would want her pets around her, and to call me to tell me about the squirrels stealing the bird seed outside her window. I want to say Alzheimer's disease is one of the worse diseases out there. I say that because, with cancers, Diabetes and all the other terrible things a person can get, Alzheimer's takes over your mind. Your ability to make choices, and live. You don't know why you're in a hospitable with needles or with strange nurses bathing you. You can't speak when you want to. You have to wear diapers. There is NO quality of life! Only what seems like confusion. And Yes in the end you die! Alzheimer's takes control of your brain and kills you. There are no pills, or radiations, or therapy treatments, and no dignity. OK, with that said. My father was diagnosed with Leukemia last year. He is in his 70s and having a hard time of it. He is the worse patient ever. He lives in Oregon so I don't see him much. I was up there visiting last December (for Grandpas memorial) and I went to see my Dad. He's a wisp of a man. He has been through Chemo, and bone marrow treatments, and more! It is like he is giving up. He won't eat, he sleeps on the couch. He won't do what his Doctor said. He's giving up. It is really sad. I'm not done yet. Last November my husband's step-father past away. It wasn't a surprise, but it was hard. He was in his 80s and has been fighting back at Diabetes and heart disease for years. For having a failing heart he was the kindest sweetest person I knew. I met this man in November 1996. The moment I walked into his house he made me feel welcome. He loved life and he loved to laugh! He lived a full and exciting life and I loved to sit and listen to his stories. He was a wonderful step-father to my husband and a loving husband. I always looked forward to our visits! He lost his battle to heart disease in November 2008. He will be missed!
