STEP MOTHER TRUDGING THROUGH PARENTING MUD.

I got remarried to a man with kids 13 years ago, I also had kids. Our older three kids tried to test the waters by moving from one parents house to the others for one year in high school.  Each their Junior year.  Makes it really tough going back to their home district for their Senior year.  They all had their own reasons, found out later what the reasons were.  Mainly less rules were expected at the others house.  

I am a strict parent, including with my step kids. There was no favoritism, equally tough on them all.......My step daughter was the last one to try living with us for one year. It was 2 full years ago since she left.  She came because we could give her a life different from her other life.  We bought a horse so she could rodeo and we hauled that girl everywhere in Montana.  But she couldn't stand rules especially from her step mother.  I am the one in charge of the house and the rules because my husband works from 4 am to early evening M-F so he really was clueless about day to day tasks, schedules.  

This girl had been having troubles with her mom for sometime.  She was here for the summer and as you know in most houses, girls monthly cycles sync in a house well I noticed that her supply of tampons hadn't gone down in awhile.  Bad signals, so I asked if she was pregnant, she said maybe.  So then I had to call her mom, of course she was kind of oblivious because of the fighting.  She said there was no way. Well I the step mom had to buy a pregnancy test and have her take it.  She took it and hid it, I said "where is it"  she says "I'm not" ......."Are you sure go get it"   it was +, she thought that meant she positively WASN"T.  Then I had to explain that she was pregnant.  First words without hesitation were "then I guess I will have an Abortion, will you be made at me?"  That was a hard question for me, I am Catholic, she isn't.  I got pregnant in high school too and had my child.  I had to be very careful how to handle this.   Then calls to the other parentst to come up with a plan.  Her decision was made and abortion.  She stayed with her mother a few weeks after that and decided to move in with us........trust was shaky needless to say.

The first week she was here I could her trying to sneak out her window with two boys from town. Not a great way to start her time her. No matter how many times her dad told her she had to deal with me, she would sit in her room until her dad got home. When she would hear his truck pull in she would meet him at his truck to make her evening plans.  that happened a few times before he caught on to what she was doing.

I tried really hard to accept her as my own even though she wasn't.  We had tension daily for no reason, she would even just talk to me without raising her voice.  My daughter and her had to share a room, make my daughters life a living hell at home and at school.  My daughter was struggling with self esteem anyway and then having another girl move into her room and completely tear her down emotionally nightly.

We bought her a car, with the arrangement she had to make payments to us.  I don't really remember what finally made things fall apart in a big way.  But when it did they fell hard, she flat out told me that she hated me and everything about me.  I told her if she thought I was that bad of a person maybe she should move back to her mom because I don't need to be treated that badly ever, by anyone.   So after I went to work she wrote a check for her final car payment, called her dad when she got to her mom 90 miles away and said she moved out.

Two years later, she still will not directly address me.  She has been in our home, but not for the first year after she left.  Now she will come by when in town but will not stay with us.  I  try to talk to her but she will not speak to me.  She is 19 and very immature.

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