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Sparkle (0)
It is quite common knowledge around my circle at college, my work colleagues and others that I am going through a divorce. In the back of my mind, when someone asks me if I am "seeing someone" all I can think of is that I am 21 years old, and divorced... 21 years old and divorced... 21 years old and divorced... Jesus, what the hell am I doing? I'm 21 years old and DIVORCED!
This stigma might be in my head, but sometimes I think people are taken aback and look at me differently. I think the knowledge of my divorce turns me into some relational failure. While some people commend me because I got married on an impulse to a man I was terribly in love with, I still squirm.
"You lived with your heart" they tell me "with passion!"
They're right. I lived with passion, like a temperamental artiste! Where the hell was my head during all of that?
The other day I had made a joke about how if I was not married by 40, I would just have a civil union with my best friend, Laelene. I mean, might as well, right? She's the only constance that my life has had (outside of family).
My friend, Cowboy, shot back "So does it count, if one of you has already been married?"
Har-har-har!
I laughed. No, really, I laughed and made some flippant remark. But inside, I was crumbling. I know he wasn't being mean, and as far as I know, there were no hidden daggers in that remark, but it still cut me to the quick. Maybe, instead of saying I'm divorced, I'll say that I'm just single?
Or would that be a lie?
