STOP! Don’t eat another Girl Scout cookie until you read this!

You know, I learned a lot of valuable things last week and, ironically, they were all about food. So I thought I’d share them with you in case you didn’t already know these things…

1) Boneless chicken wings are not wings at all…they are overgrown nuggets.

2) There is no other use EVER IN LIFE for celery except to serve as a vehicle for blue cheese dressing.

3) There is no use EVER IN LIFE for carrots. Period.

4) Potato chips in the bigger bag don’t taste like potato chips that come in the smaller bag. I know you’re thinking that chips should probably taste the same no matter what size bag they’re in, but that is not the case. I've tested this theory out many times and finally came to the conclusion that I was right. Not that I ever really doubted myself. Test it out for yourself and let me know if you agree.

5) If you buy buttermilk to bake a cake, but then only need a little bit of it, and then put the rest of it in the fridge and forget about it for like a week (or four), but then discover it in the back of the fridge and think to yourself “times are too hard to waste buttermilk” so you smell it and decide that you’ve smelled better things in life, but you’ve also smelled worse things, and still want to use it, please know that adding it to a mixture of tons of other ingredients and baking it WILL NOT negate the spoilededness, however slight it may be.

6) Barbecue chicken pizza is so NOT the business (do people still say that?) I had it for the first and last time last week, and I personally do not feel that newborn infant Jesus intended for barbecue sauce to be on pizza…like ever! Marinara or Alfredo sauce only, please!

7) It is never acceptable to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting. It is totally acceptable, however, to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies over the course of one day. I mean, when I was a Brownie decades ago, it seemed like they gave you twice as many cookies for half the price. But now, there’s only like 3 rows of cookies and they cost an arm and a leg. So that can easily (and justifiably) be a row for breakfast, a row for lunch, and a row for dinner.

I think that’s about all I learned last week. What valuable things did you learn? Share them with me in the comments section.

P.S. Thanks for reading this. You can now return to eating your Girl Scout cookies.

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