STOP PICKING ON CHRISTINA, SHE'S A PLUS-SIZE KNOCKOUT
By Whorrified on November 23, 2012
Christina arrives at the AMAs,
looking drop-dead gorgeous
and every inch the diva.
Christina Aguilera's ballooning weight gain is prompting a vicious backlash on Twitter (where people who have nothing to talk about go to share), and leading to increasing comparisons to Snooki. The Twitter hating reached an alarming crescendo after her appearance at Sunday's American Music Awards, no doubt from an audience of critics sitting at home on a dirty chesterfield while cramming Cheetos into their mouth with both hands.
I am insulted on Christina's behalf by these developments, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, even if she stuffed her big-boneded thighs into a pair of leopard print leggings, glued spiders to her eyelashes and started speaking Ewok, she could NEVER be Snooki. On account of this one key difference: She is riddled with talent and Snooki is devoid of it. So, no resemblance there.
Secondly, yes, she has gained a lot of weight. So, on occasion, has Mariah Carey. And Adele. And Kelly Price. And Jill Scott. And Angie Stone. And even, heaven forgive me, Aretha Franklin. These women clearly all hail from that rare tribe of women who could puff up as big as a blowfish and still look sexy and still be able to sing their way into heaven on account of the vocal chords God gave them as a present to Himself.
So please people, stand down on Christina's voluptuousness. It's a heckuva lot healthier and a heckuva lot less disturbing to look at than anorexic celebs in bikinis. And also, in the grand scheme of things, it is irrelevant.
Editor's note: What a lovely sentiment. Bravo. Say, is that Christina's butt or is she trying to smuggle Danny de Vito in under her dress?
Carrie Underwood is what Christina Aguilera thinks she looks like right now. And no one has the heart to tell her "NAWL.""
"Christina Aguilera looks like Snooki. No wait, that's an insult to Snooki."
"Did Christina Aguilera eat one of Willy Wonka's blueberries?"
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