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My name is Amy Gates (also known on the ‘net as amygeekgrl or the Crunchy Domestic Goddess). I live in Colorado with my husband Jody (yes, he’s a guy...
 
 
 
 

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Study: First-time moms want more information about life with new baby

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A new study including 151 mothers in Brisbane, Australia has found that first-time moms want more information about what life with a newborn will be like and says they often don't feel prepared for the recovery period after giving birth and emotional toll of caring for a new baby.

A new study published in The Journal of Perinatal Education finds first-time mothers want more information about how a newborn will impact their lives. Thirty-five percent did not feel prepared for the physical experience following birth and 20% did not feel prepared for the emotional experience.

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"This study demonstrates that new mothers are eager for high-quality, accurate information of what to expect of life with a newborn," says the study's lead author, Margaret Barnes, RN, MA, PhD.

While I think there's a definite benefit to educating expecting moms information on what life with a newborn may be like, (after all, knowledge is power), until every child comes with his/her own user's manual, I think ultimately there's only so much you can prepare for. Every woman's birth experience is different, every child is different, and every new mother's experience with her child is different. Each child has a unique temperament and will have different needs. Some will want to nurse every few hours, some will want to nurse much more frequently (or never let go of the boob). Every child's sleep patterns will be different as well.

If you try to explain to a woman ahead of time how much a newborn will affect her life, is it realistic to think your words will have that much of an impact? Could it really help her prepare for what lies ahead? Is recovering from birth and caring for a newborn something anyone can really prepare for ahead of time (without having access to a full-time nanny, personal chef, housekeeper, etc.)? I feel like this is one of those things that a woman has to experience for herself to truly "get it."

Before I had my first child I knew that once she entered the world nothing would be the same, that I would be sleep-deprived and have a baby nursing around the clock, but I couldn't fully grasp the extent of how different my life would be, how beyond tired I would be, how sore I would be from an (unnecessary and unwanted) episiotomy, nor just how much love I could have for one tiny person until it actually happened to me.

However, I do think that it's important to equip first-time moms especially with information and resources that will help and support them in their first few weeks and months of life with a new baby. Instead of sending moms home from the hospital with a diaper bags full of a few diapers and a can of formula, perhaps hospitals should instead give women lists of names, numbers, websites and email addresses of people, places and organizations they can turn to if they need help. Organizations like La Leche League International - with dates and times of local meetings, phone numbers to certified lactation consultants, warning signs of postpartum depression and who to call if you or someone close to you suspects you have PPD, links to groups such as Attachment Parenting International, house cleaning services, numbers of postpartum doulas, local moms support groups like MOMS Club, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), etc. That is real information that new moms can use.

What do you think? Do you feel you were adequately prepared for life with a newborn? If not, do you think classes or a book could have helped? Do you have other suggestions?

Additional resources:

Contributing editor Amy Gates blogs about green living, attachment parenting, activism and photography at Crunchy Domestic Goddess.

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Mommy How-To 5 pts

I think I was in a semi-permanent state-of-shock after my son was born.  Besides having a preemie, I was in no way prepared mentally or physically for the challenge I faced.  I wish I had known a group of new moms who could have given me some insight into what life would be like with a newborn.

My son is now almost nine months old and I finally feel comfortable with my life as a new mommy.  However, a user's manual would have come in handy after my delivery!

Mommy How-To

www.mommyhowto.blogspot.com ( http://www.mommyhowto.blogspot.com )

WriteMommy 5 pts

I definitely agree with you. 

Physically I had a hard time while recovering from my c-section, but every woman heals differently. 

Not much in terms of life after baby is "textbook," but I think starting off with lots of info and a network of support is a comfort.  You just can't expect everything to go the way someone in a class or book says it's going to go. 

Jen

www.writemommy.net ( http://www.writemommy.net )

Adventures With Sweet Pea 5 pts

As a first time mother I would have loved to have been more prepared for what it is really like to have a newborn - who wouldn't! I went to all the classes and read all the books, however, I remember being so consumed with the labour portion that I really did not pay much attention to what I was being told or reading about actual life after birth. It went in one ear and out the other. Luckily I had a great network around me to bounce things off of. I truely believe you can never be fully prepared for what life with be like with a newborn in the house, because like many of you have stated, you never know what kind of gift you will be given. My gift cried for the first three months too!

amygeekgrl 5 pts

Hehe. A fine example of never say never, right? BTW, isn't co-sleeping awesome (most nights)? ;) 

Amy  ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )

Crunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )  ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

I agree, but sometimes that's all that women have. When I had my first daughter, I didn't have any family nearby and really no close friends (only work colleagues) either. It wasn't until I became a part of the "mommy club" that I discovered good friends and the support system I needed.

AmyCrunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

YES! Thank goodness for blogs and message boards for support or I'm sure I would've lost my mind years ago. ;) 

AmyCrunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

Yes, even within the same family, no two children are the same. What worked with one the first time may not work with the second one and vice versa. You really have to learn as you go. 

AmyCrunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

amygeekgrl 5 pts

Hands and Hearts Full -

Now that you mention it, I took a breastfeeding class too and I do think it helped me feel a bit more comfortable with breastfeeding when the time came, but it was also one of those things that I didn't feel I could really "get" until I did it for myself with a real, live baby. ;)

AskDrSears.com is a great resource that I have turned to many a times. Thanks for mentioning it.

AmyCrunchy Domestic Goddess ( http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com )BlogHers Act contributing editor ( http://www.blogher.com/special-events/bloghers-act )

chelsa 5 pts

When I was about eight months pregnant with my first baby, I remember my husband and I having a conversation about a friend of ours who co-slept with her new baby, and I remember saying condescendingly, "If you never get your baby into the habit of co-sleeping, you never have to break them of the habit. I mean, we'll be tired for a month or two, but it'll be so much better in the long run!" The fact that I said that is the most clear proof I can offer that there is no way to prepare for what it actually is like to parent a new baby. And, by the way, our son is still co-sleeping with us and he'll be three next week.

Vered 5 pts

I agree with "Hands and Hearts Full". It's sad that we are talking about getting support from classes and organizations, when the most natural support for a new mom is a tight network of family and friends. 

---

I blog at MomGrind ( http://momgrind.com/ )

I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs ( http://www.uptous.com/ )

Michellesamom 5 pts

There needs to be more support and more resources for new moms. I thought I had read up, attended classes and was prepared, but I had no idea. That's honestly what I love about blogging. I can read other mothers' thoughts and feelings and get an idea of the wide range of experiences that are out there. Prenatal and postnatal classes are important as well (I did Aquafit and Yoga), but many people do not have the time or funds to take advantage of these programs. I'm glad that there is attention being paid to this issue. We live in a very different time, in communities that are far less involved with each other than ever before. Hopefully we'll find a way to support each other more fully.

tarasd72 5 pts

Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC

How much life will change with a new child.  Each child is different.  My child had colic for 3 months.  She still, at 11 months old, HATES to sleep.  She does not fit into the "norm" of sleep patterns for children, as the books read.  What I was shocked to find was how my friends, most who have children, dropped off the face of the earth for months.  I called them.  I begged them to come visit, call, anything.  And they didn't.  Some still don't have as much contact with me, for fear they'll interrupt my family time.  Yet they have kids and have said how much they also need contact from other mothers, adults.  But not everyone has that experience.  Being a new mom is wonderful, scarey, and life altering all at the same time.

Hands and Hearts Full 5 pts

I totally agree with your response ot this study. It is such a shame how seperate our families and communities are nowadays. Many new mothers are alone with a new baby and not all have support of their mothers, families or friends. Gone are the days where the village helped raise children!

Going to a breastfeeding class before baby is born has shown to make a huge impact on the success of feeding also. It is also a chance to meet other parents expecting their first baby too.

Also want to add another great website http://www.askdrsears.com/ for great information about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenting in a gentle way.