The Journey Into BDSM 'Subspace'

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Sometimes, you have to allow your sexual journey to flow. Other times, you have to grab it by the balls and say "I'm going to get laid". It was more the latter of those choices when I decided to say "Yes" and get together with [Mostly Harmless].

This meeting, though, was about a little more than just sex. I was willing and actively seeking to engage in some S&M. I wanted to submit to someone. I wanted to put my body in their hands. I wanted to be punished. Itstarted with this, a line so dominating in its simplicity, and I was his: 

"The next person who shall make you cum is me. And no other. Yourself included."

I didn't know what to do. I was not scared, but I was nervous. I was lost. 

That was when I showed up wearing only my too-short dress, my leather boots, and a willing attitude. He taught me about safety. He explored my body, and my dominant side shut the fuck up. She let him take her.

It went that I was whipped. I was spanked, paddled, and flogged. My flesh pricked and teased. I have never had such a more blissful experience. That's when I learned about subspace: 

In a D/s relationship, [subspace is a] very special place the submissive enters when he/she totally trusts his/her Dominant, and totally immerses in an intense scene. The sub may not be capable of making rational decisions about his/her safety and well-being at this point. It is the responsibility of the Dom to provide for the welfare of his/her sub, as he/she has trusted him to do. It is also the Dom's responsibility after the scene to help the sub to return to "vanilla space" after the scene. This entails providing both physical and emotional assurance to the sub, until he/she regains his/her sense of self, and is known as, "aftercare".
It had been so long since someone had cared about my experience instead of what was just between my legs that I was drunk on endorphins. I let my soul connect to the pain and beat some of the negativity out of me. When he introduced me to a Wartenberg wheel, I had found a simple addiction. It was the was the same high that I would get from a tattoo needle sawing across my flesh.

wartenberg wheel
Image: Giles Read via Flickr

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't SEE straight... and I was loud.

As we lay there, waiting for my sanity to bring me back to reality, I was warm, cuddled, and petted. We talked and touched and slowly the world came back but I was exhausted and beyond empty.

It was the most sexually satisfied I've ever been without having intercourse and I see the beauty in that. I can't even be sassy about it because I left her at home. That night was about the other side of me and that is okay, too.
 
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