summer vacation--the blues before the sunrise, i hope
By survivelivethrive on July 07, 2014
Today, I am simply worn down by all the crappity crap. I don’t know why I wake up each morning, thinking it will be different. Isn’t that one of those common sayings, that insanity is attempting to do the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome? I feel like I’m in the hamster wheel of nitpicky and the spokes are made of blaming innuendos and accusatory comments.
Example 1: the children were out of school all last week due to fevers; while their energy level (when on the drugs) and appetites were fine, they just couldn’t shake the temperatures. So I stayed home with them one day (the others were his vacationtime), and we knew the next day was his birthday, and by decree, the children stay with him from “after school until 8pm.” Except with fevers all day, there is no school, and I suggested maybe he could spend some time with them during the day, rather than keep them up late, and let them go to bed at their normal bed times (7:30pm). He said he would think about it, but of course in came the email that no, he would have them after school until 8pm, because by golly, it’s “his time.” So having them stay up past their bed time so they could be with him for “his time,” trumps what’s best for the sick children. Great.
Then, the exchange, which he fought me on forever, he had originally chosen a poorly lit parking lot, and I stood my ground on that one with the support of the co-parenting mediator, suggesting two other places with better lighting and more traffic, safer for the children (and for me). He picked a third place, fine, as long as it wasn’t the original dark parking lot. I get to the exchange parking lot early, notice there isn’t parking close to the grocery store entrance, so park further down the row, directly underneath a streetlight, plenty of empty spaces nearby and lots of lighting. I text him exactly where I am located, and settle in for the wait. Twenty minutes later (yes, late, whatever), he pulls up, drives right by my car and passes me, parks the furthest down the lane that he can, nowhere near streetlight. Le sigh. The exchange with the children went fairly okay, thankfully, some alligator tears from baby sister who normally perks up after a few minutes—and she did. I also decided to distract them with a drive thru run at starcrack and kids hot chocolates, which gave them something to be chipper about and spread their focus a little.
However, big sister was more thoughtful and conflicted, and as I pulled up to make our order, she started asking me why daddy “gives you all his money,” and “that’s why he’s poor and you’re rich.” I told her I’m sorry daddy feels that way, but he is a grown up, and so is mommy, and it’s our job to take care of her not the other way around. Then she asked what the money was for, so I told her it is called child support and it’s set by the judge who makes the rules, and it pays for things like going to the doctor or baby sister’s preschool or her before and after school care. (I didn't tell her that dad doesn't pay the full amount Then she asked how we met, and I reiterated that when we met and had her and baby sister, that mommy and daddy loved each other very much, and then after a while mommy and daddy had big grown up problems, so big, that the best thing to do was to have a divorce. Of course she asked me “what big grown up problems?” and I told her when she was a big grown up, I could talk to her about it then, but right now she is a third grader and I needed her to concentrate on being a third grader. Lastly, she asked why she couldn’t just stay overnight at dad’s, because they were going over for the week end, and I told her that we had to follow the visitation schedule, and she said that it wasn’t fair. I responded: The judge made the rules about when you stay with mommy and when you stay with daddy, and we have to follow the rules, so it’s fair because of that. But even if it doesn’t feel fair to you, we have to make the best of the situation, because that’s how life works. No matter what we encounter, we have to make the best of it. (Mind you, this was all in the drive-thru!)