Sunshine From Shadows

As a child I was taught that opportunity and good fortune was rewarded to those who were deserving of it, having spent an entire lifetime performing backbreaking labor silently and humbly, like my grandparents had, or studying for years in University like my father. This ruse effectively kept me, the poster child for the gifted Type-A perfectionist, striving for the title of #1 everything until I was about 12. I could read before I started school, I skipped a grade, got perfect marks, had lots of friends, and did I mention I had blonde hair and blue eyes? I was quite the insufferable little twit. It wasn’t until I got out into the real world  (Junior High) that my perfect existence began to unravel when I realized that in the great big ocean I was a small fish. Being nice didn’t help me make friends without Levi’s jeans and a Club Monaco sweatshirt. My shirt had Vanilla Ice on it about 2 years too late, making me a target rather than an idol. I tried to compensate for my lack of style with my smarts, but that backfired quickly. Brains were not “in” either, save for the odd test day when someone wanted to cheat off my paper. Needless to say, it wasn’t the “time of my life.”

 

Hi there, my name’s Kendra, and I live in Vancouver, BC with my husband and my dog. I’m a pharmacist who enjoys writing and photography as side projects. Things have steadily improved a lot for me since those years in Junior High as I went through High School and University and now into my adult years. Though those times are far behind me now, through the years it took to become the person I am today, I became conscious of how the experiences we have as we go through childhood, adolescence and early adulthood really help to shape who we are as adults. We may not even realize it, but even small, seemingly insignificant judgements, insults or opinions from others can sway our confidence in ourselves as adults. The effect may be even more debilitating when the critique is from someone we care about or tend to draw support from. Often we are the ones paralyzing ourselves, constantly comparing ourselves to others, convinced we will never measure up. Self-confidence affects so many aspects of our lives, from personality (will we be extroverted or introverted, pushy or a push-over?), to what we do with our lives. Will we go get what we want, or sit around waiting for life to hand everything to us?

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson said-

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.”

 

With the above insight and wisdom of my 32 years, I have taken this to be my new motto. I’m trying to overcome the obstacles that I myself have been putting in the way of my own happiness. I’m trying to build up enough confidence in myself and my abilities to accomplish a list of goals. I’m trying to tell myself that the voice in my head warning me that something is too risky, too time consuming or too difficult is just my own fear of failure. I know I must face this, because without the possibility of failure there can’t be the even greater likelihood of success. If you have ever let your own limitations hold you back, you know how hard it can be to let go of deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, but believe me when I way that the rewards are sweet. Please, join me in my journey as I use this blog to share my thoughts and ideas, rants and raves, joys and tragedies, and ask you to share yours with me. Let’s not be afraid of our sunshine anymore.

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