When I bought my house some years ago people were quick to make assumptions about my single-girl living arrangements. The first was that I would have a roommate. When I told them that I was buying a much more modest place than the bank suggested I could afford because my goal was to live alone, they immediately made a strange second assumption.
"Oh! Good! Then you can walk around naked!"
This was the big lure of solitude according to the accidental poll I was taking? Nudity? To which I've always had pretty much the same response.
"Really? That's it? I just signed on the dotted line so I can walk around naked, by myself, at HOME?"
"Golly, Sarge! I had no idea the drapes were see through!"
I am, in most ways, a conservative person. That is unless I feel restricted and annoyed by that restriction. I suppose that's where I am unlike most people. I am only conservative when and where it suits me to be that way. A great example of that for me is....nudity. I just don't find it very naughty or interesting. Bodies are bodies are bodies. I don't have a whole lot of qualms (cover your minds' eye, young Googlers, lest I burn out your imaginations' retina) about nudity, public or private, yours or mine. So for me the art of living alone has never been about "walking around the house naked" and all these years later, each time I do just that, I am reminded of all those poor people here in the US of A that are apparently feeling very repressed by their bath robes.
Live a little, guys! Check out a nude beach or a campsite or a nudie whatever....drive-in restaurant (do they have those?). Nudist colonies are weirdly not arousing due to the fact that most people there are well, you know, unattractive. Trust me. Bring retina screen though. You might need it. I recommend 30+ for those under illusions about almost everything naked.
In the US we go to the nude beach and pretend not to see each other thanks to our Puritan roots. In Prague...well, my goodness! Wait, Aunt Edna?! Is that YOU?!?!
The other thing this taught me about my fellow man and woman was that their dogs must live out-of-doors. Why? Because if a person were to say, look for the right pair of shoes to go with her as yet un-donned outfit for the day, that person might have a very a quick and uncomfortable reminder that she has dogs. An artfully placed cold, wet nose does NOT help a girl pick out shoes.
Q) Why is the only one wearing clothes in this picture the dog? A) Because of what happened when this poor girl went looking for her beach shoes. Bad dog! Bad dog!
I am frequently reminded of the host of people that, when hearing I was about to become a solitary home owner said, "Oh! Then you can walk around naked!"
To which I can only ever think, "Why would I want to?!"
The only thing I can figure out is that married life is more modest than this single girl might imagine. Here's my suggestion. Wear a robe at home (please, spare the children) and if you feel sad about that, go try on a nude beach instead of a new swim suit this year. Live a little. It's not actually SINFUL to be naked in public.
There, I said it. Half my family just disowned me.
(They'll come crawling back though. I'm the only one that knows where the good nude beaches are and how to find local micro-breweries that sell kegs.)
It's the weekend, people! Go have some naked fun. Relax a little. Naked time doesn't have to be sexy naked time, you know! Sometimes, it's just nice to garden in the old birthday suit. Not naughty but possibly dirty.
More importantly for those of you who don't know much about the above mentioned Puritans and the influence they've had on our culture here in the U.S.? It's time you did some learning. These are the good folks that taught Americans how to be a lot more uptight and eventually became part of the rich tradition known in the USA as Thanksgiving.
It's funny how easy it is for jokes to go completely over your head when you are uptight. Case in point? Thanksgiving.
Think about it. If your new neighbors were uptight Puritans and you brought them stuffed turkeys to eat....it might be possible that the choice was intended to be a sarcastic remark and not to become a time honored tradition at mealtime.
Well, not for the white people.
"Shhh! Don't make me laugh! I can barely say the words, "Stuffed Turkeys" without getting the giggles!"
There is a reason we weren't served ham, venison, salmon or quail. Stuffed Turkeys? Oh, sons and daughters of the American Revolution.....lighten up. It's time to quit dreaming about walking around in your home, sans bathrobe.
Relax. It's only skin. Now, go have some good, clean fun this weekend, you crazy monkeys!
Your ever lovin',