Surrender : If you cannot change it - let it go.

The day has only so many hours. We can only do so much. And there is so much in every day that we cannot change, cannot impact, no matter what we do. Yet, if you are like me, you can find many occasions in a day when you allow your spirit to be troubled and chaotic about something you cannot control. We waste our spirit's true energy, squandering it on the worthless worries in our lives.

Take traffic. You are stuck in traffic and are going to be late for some event. You've called folks to tell them, but the gridlock traffic still persists .I used to grind on about it, craning my neck to try to see what the problem was, muttering curse words under my breath, doing the in-car equivalent of a hissy fit. For what? Nothing I could do was going to change anything. I had lots of silly choices like blowing my horn (the ultimate in futile traffic efforts), turning the air blue with curt invectives about the dubious parentage of those in front of me, tensing every muscle in my body until my blood pressure raised. Or, I could just surrender. Surrender to the traffic. Let the traffic unfold itself. I cannot change the situation through any of my efforts. But I can change my reaction.

No matter what kind of hurry I am in, no matter how important my errand, no matter who is waiting for me -- unless my car can sprout wings, I am stuck. I now, calm down, make plans for a late arrival and go with the flow. We can all turn on the radio, or sing a song, or call a pal. We can say a prayer for someone that needs it. Or, we can do a mental gratitude list. Or. we can plan something that is beneficial to someone. Just breathe deeply and let the craziness go.

If you can impact the situation in a positive way, do it! If you cannot impact the situation in any positive way, then just do what my friend Andrew says -- "Bless it and release it."

The Olympics have not yet included Fretting as an event, nor Stewing, nor Senseless Worry or Future-Tripping. These things arereal soul-robbers, turning us away from the possible and the real, occasionally binding us from doing what we can or ought to do , and spinning us into the Chaos That Consumes.

Surrender is hard for me. Even if I looked up and saw writing in the sky reminding me to "Surrender, Mata H", I would still have a hard time.

I like to think of myself as competent, organized, intelligent, able. It was harder for me to surrender until someone bluntly said to me, "Just what makes you think you are so powerful that your worry will change anything?"

THUD -(the sound of Mata getting hit over the head with G-d's blunt insight frying pan.)

Sometimes, we do what we can, and then just have to trust -- trust our family members, our friends, our community, G-d, the Universe, karma, -- something! It helps me to imagine G-d's hands as gigantic, and me just walking over and surrendering whatever big or small perplexing thing has hold of me in G-d's hands. And then walking away. Find an image that brings you peace, whether it is surrender to G-d or surrender to fate, or destiny, or the universe.

I am not suggesting that we should just kick back and float. Our families and our world needs our best efforts too seriously for that indolence. I am saying that we waste energy we could spend loving in the world, healing it, working for its betterment.

We waste it in foolish ways that change nothing, or we waste it fretting while we are trying to hurry the unhurry-able. We press for results in our personal and professional lives that sometimes cannot arrive faster through pressure. There is a great saying -- "A woman cannot have a baby in 1 month by putting 9 men on the job." Some things just take time.

Assess the situation that brings you chaos, worry, frustration. What can you do (in large or small measure) to alleviate the problem? If the answer is nothing, then, "bless it and release it". Turn to those things we can do. The world is waiting for our strengthened and more focused spirits to make the right decisions in the here and now. Let your spirit find the peace that it can, the peace that it was meant to know. It is your birthright.

RELATED BLOGS
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Sonia Miller suggests surrender as part of a daily spiritual practic.

Anonymous creates a desktop computer folder called "Surrender" in which he/she places statements about what needs to be surrendered that day.

Bhajansonline features a video of Mother Amma, the "Hugging Guru", with a beautiful song by Kirtana,"Pulling in the Oars", about surrender.
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Mata H, CE for BlogHer's Religion and Spirituality section, can be found blogging about the trivial and major details of her own life at: Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H (view blog

) on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 5:45pm

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Oh I wish

This is something I struggle with every day....some days the giving to God is easier....some days I seem to want to snuggle my worries, anxieties and hold tight to them. I work on the faith that God's plan is always greater than my plan and that is what allows me to have peace.

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

Submitted by AnissaMayhew on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 18:33

suggestion

Good point about wanting to hold tight sometimes -- when that feeling hits, just unclench your hands -- open them up literally and try a quick prayer -- sometimes I ask G-d to just lift the clenching first. Other friends ask the universe -- or fate -- as long as we let go and accept what is not ours to worry about, we are all so much better off.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 06:31

No honking zone

After living in two places where stress was a way of life, and traffic was as tense an expression of that as anything. Now I find myself thrilled to be living in a place where people don't honk their horns, they just wait until the person in front of them finishes reading the mail or putting on her lipstick. And you know what, it's not so hard to go with this flow. As you say, there are just some things we can't control, and so why bother wasting our energy thinking that we can. Save it--save the energy for those things that you can control.

Laura (www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com)

Submitted by rebellious thinker on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 04:15

destressing

I also moved recently into a lower traffic town...from my old home near NYC to rural Massachusetts. I love it for its quieter nature and easier pace, while it still provides plenty of cultural and educational opportunities - with NYC only a few hrs away. Sometimes we can choose to literally step awayfrom the chaos.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 06:36

Just breathe.......

Nice post this is so how I am. Stress rules my life but over the past few months I have been TRYING to do better. It is as you said you cannot control certain situations you just need to take a deep breathe and move forward with your day life is too short to let stress take it away from you

Mara http://24stepstogo.blogspot.com/

Submitted by mara on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 05:09

good point

I also read some of your inspiring blog -- way to go!! Those work-outs should help the stress, too.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 06:39

Hit on the Head with your Post

Thanks for this post. I needed it to read it at this very moment. I tend to put the worries aside for a while, but pick them right up again in a continuing circle of doubt. You reminded me that I need to let them go and trust once more. I'm going to try!

I've recently learned to accept and grasp some things, and it works. Here's a short example: I hate my Big Ben alarm clock. I used to set it and the ticking sound would drive me nuts and I could never get to sleep! I decided to "embrace" the sound, and sure enough that ticking noise now lulls me to sleep each night.

As for your idea to "bless and release," I recently went through something that's too long to write about in a comment. You can read about it if you want to at http://windysblog.com/?p=61

Thanks for reminding me that sometimes I take life too seriously. Your post has metaphorically hit me over the head with the frying pan this morning, and I so needed it!

May you be blessed in all that you do, always!

Submitted by windysblog on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 07:36

Hi Cindy

I read your blogpost just now and you can add my prayers to the list of folks who will say a prayer as you requested. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do that.

Be well --
Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 14:47

Thank you

I am amazed at how often I seem to "look" for answers or guidance or peace and how often it comes to me in varying forms. Your blog entry did that for me today. It was beautifully written.

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with my kids and my husband and their constant sports obsession. The feelings I release by (usually) screaming or those that I surpress and then fall into a depression seem to be quite strong of late. Your blog really helped me to breathe.

Thank you for sharing your peacefulness.

AnnG (Motheroftheyearreject.blogspot.com)

Submitted by AnnG on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 11:26

Breathe on, Ann

Sometimes daily life can really scratch at our souls...but I bet when you hug your family goodnight, a lot of that melts away. Hang in there.

Mata H

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sat, 07/19/2008 - 14:41

Philosophical Destruction of Stress

I find as I get older that my beliefs help me get through stressful times. As someone who was a natural worrier when I was younger I need all the positive things I can get in life. If you can handle severe stress you can handle anything. Some examples:

I create my own destiny

I was born to achieve

I will love and respect myself every day of my life

Problems are opportunities that make me stronger

Treating people with respect will assure my future

http://cuttingedgemotivation.co.uk

Submitted by Mctavish on Sun, 07/20/2008 - 03:02

I love the 3rd one the most

Thanks for sharing these!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sun, 07/20/2008 - 08:24

I'm trying....

This is such a loaded topic for me. I've done many years of therapy, which was the most important things I've ever done for myself, but the issue you have mentioned here is the one area in my life that has created the most thorny problems. Therapy effectively got rid of depression, anxiety, future-worry and a whole basket of other nonsense, but letting go eludes me.

The problem is that I have someone living under my roof that is a strong narcissist who disrespects me on every level. She's elderly and ornery and just oblivious to anyone else's feelings. The behavior cannot be attributed to age because this has always been the case. I'm open to any and all suggestions as to dealing with this type of person. Each and every time I let go and move on I'm slammed with yet another act of guerilla behavior!!! I'm getting worn down as a result.

BTW Mata, I can't find the thread again but I wanted to mention that I'm very glad you picked up "The Culture of Make Believe". I'm astonished you're making good headway because the book is so draining emotionally that I've had to temporarily abandon it many times! It should be required reading for anyone who thinks they know something about hate and bigotry.

Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

Submitted by the farmers wife on Sun, 07/20/2008 - 09:03

Suzanne

Hi Suzanne -- interestingly enough, I just sent an email to Derrick Jensen -- I am 2/3 of the way through. We'll see what comes of the mail.

Re narcissists - wow, I am not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV, so take me and any advice I give on this topic with grains of salt -- a bucket of it maybe. I found some resources on google that might make interesting reading Here is what google said.

My Dad was a textbook narcissist, and it took a long time for me to understand that what he did was "not about me". I never became expert at that, so your best advice is going to be from someone other than me. I'd often lose my spiritual equilibrium when he got fired up. I got much better at managing this, but never perfected the art of blessing and releasing when it got very intense.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sun, 07/20/2008 - 10:33

PS Suzanne

I just got a reply email from Derrick Jensen. wow! Excellent reply, too -- took me very seriously.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Mon, 07/21/2008 - 07:34

Moving in Faith

Sometimes daily life can scratch our lifes anyway,were we give more energy to those things that upset us,take our joy anyway or even causes us to be rude and withdraw from others. So, i ask what are you lead by?Is it your desires, your dreams , your family, or just the need to strive to survive in this world. The only thing we should be lead by in life is God. Only God can give us the energy that our emotions steal away from us. And with that comes peace,sometimes it is easier to to hold tight to your worries and anxiety because we dont always want to deal with the things that disturb us.But at all times we should stay encouraged,and know that all things happen for a reason.Sometimes our setbacks ,opens a door to something so much Greater,then us.

Submitted by Liah_daDiva on Sun, 07/20/2008 - 17:15

Keeping Our Focus

Good blog! It's all in what you focus on, isn't it? We can focus on those things that we have no power to change, that cause us stress, etc., or we can focus on the positive changes we are making. And focusing on the positive increases the positive impact we can have! It becomes a wonderful cycle instead of a vicious cycle.

I wrote a similar blog recently that looked back at a horrible day I had. Of course it was only horrible because I focused on the badness of it all day. I appropriately named the blog "Jump off the Anxiety Track."

Thanks for the Monday reminder!
Sandy
http://apprehendinggrace.com/2008/07/05/jump-off-the-anxiety-track/

Submitted by SandyHov on Mon, 07/21/2008 - 06:23

Hi Sandy-

~I like the list on your "Anxiety Track" blog entry...well done !

~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Mon, 07/21/2008 - 07:37

It's about chosing to be present in our lives

I have been working on 'being here now'. If I am always living in the present moment, then the worry about the past or future disappears. The past is gone and the future has not yet happened so the only reality we have is the present. When I find my mind someplace different than my body, I know I am squandering a valuable moment.

As you stated so eloquently, we also need to be able to let go and let God when we are living in the present and don't like what it is offering us. I have a mantra that I try to live by...I am always exactly where I am suppose to be. If I can trust that my life is unfolding in the universe's perfect timing, then I can let go and enjoy the ride. If I am experiencing a rough spot, I can take refuge in knowing that all difficulties help me grow both emotionally and spiritually. If we all had hindsight in the midst of our crisis, we would realize that something beautiful will always come if we stop resisting and go with the flow.

Thanks for a wonderful post.

Karen

Submitted by JustKaren on Mon, 07/21/2008 - 14:54

thanks for your comment

yes indeed, living in the now is the best choice -- in fact the only real choice. When we try to live in the future, our only response is fear, because we have no place to stand -- the future does not exist, so trying to find refuge there is not possible.

I am not certain that something beautiful will always come, as you say, but I do know that the world has within it an abundance of resources that can help me, and in return I can help others.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Tue, 07/22/2008 - 07:16

Embracing Uncertainty

I have recently gone through a phase of life where I made a decision that because I was unhappy with a number of significant areas of my life, job, personal life etc. I needed to change direction. Good decision, but life has its own agenda and things just take their own time regardless of how much we might want to drive them. In all of this I got frustrated, depressed, impatient and resentful with the non-happening of what I thought should be, to the extent that I realised I had to change my attitude first. In trying to do this, I came across a great book by Susan Jeffers called "Embracing Uncertainty" which makes all the wonderful points made in these posts very eloquently. Such simple precepts really but so hard to put into practice when we're constantly fighting against the unfolding of life with our own determined (and often misguided) willpower running the agenda. (So I'm now a reforming Control Freak!)

Submitted by annejenner on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 20:47

Anne, well done!

One other phrase I love, in addition to "embracing uncertainty" is around the need to "detach from outcome". And you are so right that sometimes the simple precepts are the toughest to put into action.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Fri, 07/25/2008 - 07:00