Survey Shows Higher Percentage of Gay Adults Blog Than Straight Ones

I like that we're talking about a lot of different issues in this particular thread - thanks to Zoe for starting it, to Vered for being willing to ask questions and everyone else for jumping in with their two cents.

Minority, niche and identity blogging can be a very difficult thing to pull off within a community because the topics or the presentation don't always resonate with the larger group. I think that the fact that so many non-gays have responded to Zoe's posts indicate she's doing a pretty good job of reaching out.

Keep reading and commenting, please. This thread alone has given me six new potential topics and that's huge for me (and hopefully for you, if I can get them blogged!)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Arguing is fine, even fun. I don’t mind arguing at all, as long as accusations are not carelessly thrown around and basic mutual respect is maintained.

I think you think I am anti gay. I think you are very wrong. I don’t really have anything to add. If you read everything that I said, instead of quickly scanning to find the parts that you don’t agree with, you would have realized that.

I don’t think I was judgmental towards Zoe. I said several times that I enjoy reading her posts. It was important to me to emphasize that I am not trying to attack Zoe.

I thought yesterday’s discussion was a great, open discussion between straights and gays. I wish there were more discussions like this. I am sorry that you perceived it as offensive or judgmental. But I stand behind everything that I said.

I like to think that I too “honestly judge people for who they are, not for their sexual orientation”, but even more than that, I like to think that I don’t judge people at all. My advice to blog sameness was a general advice to gays who want to speak in a language that would be understood by straights. It wasn’t meant as an attack on Zoe’s right for uniqueness. If the goal is to close the gap between gays and straights, then it might make sense to blog sameness.

Re: my experience on Zoe’s personal blog, it’s her blog and she can do whatever she wants over there. I re-subscribed to her blog and will visit once in a while, but if it’s a tight community that isn’t welcoming to outsiders, that’s fine. It’s up to a blogger to decide if she wants her blog to feel open and welcoming to everyone, or just to her friends.

Finally, I think it is just wonderful that Zoe has such a close, loving, loyal friend. You are both blessed to have such a friendship.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

Of course people read your posts. You are more experienced at blogging than I am – you must know that there’s often little correlation between the number of readers and the number of comments. I typed a few of your post titles into the search box. Your “Pregnant Man” post had 2861 reads. Your Sally Kern post had 1009 reads. The “Gay Relationships” post had 860 reads and the “gays blog more” post had 762 reads. Your post on Granola Dykes had 426 reads and the one “On Starting a Family” had 377 reads. I’m guessing BlogHer editors have even easier access to these statistics?

You could use those as a guide to see which topics are interesting to BlogHer’s audience. Personally, I enjoy personal posts such as “on starting a family”, but if you want to reach out to as many readers as possible, then it looks like headline-based and political issues are best, including annoying “gays are different/ better” posts. :)

Re: gays being different, I live in the Silicon Valley. The levels of diversity and acceptance here are so high, especially in San Francisco, that I think I may not realize just how bad gays have it elsewhere.

I have re-subscribed to your personal blog, but I have to say, that in it, you can be as exclusive as you want. It is your personal blog, after all. I’m not sure you should worry too much about someone like me feeling like an outsider on your blog, but I do reserve the right to complain if I do. :)

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

I want to start with some disclaimers. First, I am Zoe's best friend and I am straight. I will admit to my bias toward Zoe, but I think I also have a good idea who she is. Second, I will apologize in advance if you feel I am arguing with you, but I don't think you have any right to judge Zoe as you have.

She is one of those people in this world (and I wish there were more) who honestly judges people for who they are not for their sexual orientation. She deserves to be read and accepted for herself, not for her sexual orientation. When you tell her to "blog her sameness," I cry foul. None of us "blog our sameness." Straight or gay, we blog to share ourselves, our feelings, our beliefs, and our lives. None of our lives are the same as everyone elses. If we were all the same, experiencing the same things, wouldn't it get really boring in cyberspace? Zoe is a unique and wonderful human being. I have the distinct pleasure of calling her a friend and I enjoy the person she is. I want to hear what she thinks and feels, even if what she thinks/feels/experiences is different fundamentally from the life I have known.

I have never heard her say that gay people are better than straight ones. And I dispute strongly your interpretations of her posts. I'd like to point out a few places where you have, in my opinion, misread her posts.

The title of the post on relationships ended with a "?" And her conclusions from the post are that a relationship succeeds or fails based on the flexibility and team work of those involved, not based on sexual identity. I quote here as evidence:

"Whether gay or straight, when it really comes down to it, relationships
are relationships. All relationships have struggles and issues.
Marriage is not a blissful fairytale. Relationships are work."

Here I will quote from the post above: "I'm not fully sure why a higher percentage of gay men and women blog
than straight ones, but I think "to find and build communtiy" is a
reasonalby good theory." Nowhere does she say that more gay people blog because they are better than straight people.

As far as feeling out of place on her personal blog, I think that is because it is an established blog with a loyal following. We all read each other's blog, some of us know each other in real life. There are bound to be inside jokes. No one snubbed you on purpose. And I am sure that the outsider feeling would be present on ANY established blog, regardless of whether the person writing was gay or straight. It is just like walking into a room full of people who all know one another and don't know you. 

Finally, as to your comment: "I would support your cause regardless of how
annoying you are :)" - I do not see equal civil rights for all
Americans as a gay person's cause.

Heh, I can't tell you what to write, because you write professionally, and have someone who will also assign you stuff - that is a bit different than simply writing from your heart.

When I write in predominantly straight space, most often (not all) of the time I have my brain involved and write to those who might lurk and who are trying to learn and understand. Sometimes that gets left aside, but most often it is what I try for... because it is there we make real inroads into improving things. Many times I've received private mail thanking me for (again generally) being positive and patient, yet clearly making points. We change minds in that unseen margin, one person at a time.

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

Good grief. I step away from BlogHer for the evening, and holy cow what a discussion. When I clicked over to my post and saw there were 25 comments, when there were only 4 this morning, I thought there must be some sort of a mistake.

I don't mean to be exclusive, or even to come across as implying that gays are somehow better than straights, that is never my intention. And believe me, I always worry about alienating or offending the BlogHer readers. You are right, we are the same as you, but we are also different because we have to deal with and listen to people marginalize or relationships on a daily basis. We have to worry about whether or not it's safe to be out in our places of employment, in our own neighborhoods, and in some cases to our own families. Not everyone has the ability, the strenght or the support to be out and proud.

I believe that while I pointed out the differences that were found in the study, my conclusion to "are gay relationships healthier than straight ones", a topic which I was assigned I might add, was that we aren't any diffrent and that our relationships are exactly the same. In the other post you sited, it was not my thought that gay people are more tech savvy, it seemed that was the conclusion that the study came to to explain why a higher percentage of the gay population blogs. I didn't think that was the conclusion to be drawn from that, I thought it was because we were seeking community. If I was not clear, I'm sorry. I sometimes get sidetracked in my thougths. I have a tendency to leap to a conclusion, but lack the abililty to get everyone else to see how I got there. I'm working on it.

I have to admit, I really struggle with these posts I write for BlogHer because I don't who my audience really is, and I have no idea what they want to read. I was assigned to write about GLBT life, so I try to write about relavant GLBT topics, include a bit of my personal experience to give a face to the topic, and include my links to other lesbian bloggers. It's tough to shift from writing for the audience I know from my blog, who you are correct, are primary lesbians and my friends (who are all straight I might add), to trying to write for a more general audience, but always wondering if they ever even read my posts, or care to read about these topics, and so should I just write as if I'm writing for a gay audience. I can't really write from any other perspective other than my own. I would not presume to speak for all lesbians because we are just as diverse as everyone else. And true, while our lives are exactly the same as straight people, they are also very differnt. Just as your life as a mom is the same as mine, but not at all the same.

Of course I want feedback and discussion from all of the readers, gay or straight. My goal is to promote discussion from readers from all backgrounds. And honestly, I'm glad you said what you thought. Maybe you are saying something that everyone else was thinking but didn't want to say. If you have some ideas for blog post, I'm glad to hear them. I'd rather write about something that people want to read that write about something and wonder if anyone read it.

And one last thing. I'm sorry if you felt like an outsider when you visited my blog. There is rather tight circle of bloggers who visit my blog who are either my close personal friends outside of the blogging world, or who we've all developed a blog friendship over the last few years. So, sometimes there are a lot of inside jokes that go on and carry over between blogs. But that does not mean that all are not welcome. Also, I sometimes work a lot of overtime and just do not have time to reply to comments, or to comment on other blogs, but I do try to keep up on reading the blogs I read, and posting something at least once a week, just to check in and keep some sort of connection. I try to keep on top of the comments left on my blog, but sometimes I just can't. If you felt snubbed or out of place I am sorry. Believe me, I know what it feels like to feel like an outsider, I live it everyday of my life.

I'm sorry if I didn't address everything here, but it's now 4AM and I have to go to bed. I am heading out of town bright and too early in the morning and will be disconnected from the internet until late Weds. So, if I don't reply right away to any further comments that is why.

Thanks Nelle and Denise for jumping in on my behalf.

All are welcome on my blog.

gaymo ( http://gaymo.blogspot.com )

On occasion, I've been known to annoy Denise, but she loves me. ;-) 

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

The owner of the new blog asked me to call and discuss, she wanted me to handle the news and activism stuff - and wished to bring more prominence to tg stuff. OK, I agreed.

And about ten days ago, watched as a community which is after all a derivative of that beloved community -where that community was safe space for all - suddenly start seeing who isn't and is a real dyke. Transfolk were flying out the window like some WWF spectacle. Hey, if a transman wishes to not be in dyke space, kewl... but if they do, I'm kewl with that, too.

Suddenly it didn't feel so safe any more. I even watched in horror as Stacy got slammed. And I backed away.

So to answer your question, initially I was expending energy in developing that place. Now... I'm in flux. Yes, I'll probably write more on things. As you know though,there is another recent and huge change in my life that draws a lot of my focus, and that too will get writing time.

Life is about change, we evolve just as the technology does... so there are diverse elements in me that are going to start finding uses in each other, and who knows what will come of it? I'm pretty sure that evolution will be evident in my writing.

Heading off on a final tangent and digression, I've always loved Delerium's Poem cd... today one set of lyrics from it has really captured my childhood living with the tg issue existence, and I intend to briefly blog on it tonight, if not enough time, tomorrow night.

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

I don’t know why it alienated me. I am not a vegetarian and actually yes, vegetarians who claim that their choice is better/ healthier than mine do annoy me. I am also annoyed with religious/ practicing Jewish people who feel that they are better than I am b/c they believe/ practice religion and I don’t.

I guess I am alienated by any suggestion that a different lifestyle makes anyone better than anyone else. 

Maybe I just get annoyed easily.

On Zoe’s blog, I definitely felt like an outsider. I don’t know if it’s b/c I’m not gay, but there was a post, and I made a comment, and others made comments, and they were all talking amongst themselves and pretty much ignoring me, so I didn’t know if I said the “wrong” thing, if there’s some kind of code that I am not aware of. But maybe they just happened to know each other and I was new and unfamiliar. Maybe it had nothing to with being straight or gay. I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel that way on your blog and that’s why I keep reading it.

I’m enjoying this discussion very much so don’t apologize…. thank you too. :)
But it’s time to make dinner now. 

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

do not lure me into a marriage rant, civil or otherwise! ;-)

ok ok I have to go to bed.

Thanks to everyone for the interaction, it was awesome all around.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

I tend to agree that the studies themselves are annoying - almost all studies are annoying, which reminds me of the blog I started once and abandoned about annoying studies.

:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

I can see why you would have thought I was TG to start with, thank you women.com!

So can I ask you something, well I know I can so I am...

Your personal blog is really about life - your life and that does cross over into TG and GLBT issues from time to time but that's not the focus...

You've just lost a long loved dyke community where you talked a lot about GLBT specific stuff, do you feel like that loss would cause you to a) blog more about the issues or blog more specifically about being TG or simply being GLBT than if you hadn't lost that community b) cause you to look for other areas where you can fill that hole? c) some combo of the two?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

This is funny and also a little sad. See, this is why sameness should be emphasized. So that people will stop looking at gay relationships as an exotic, sinful, eccentric “lifestyle choice”. It’s just life, not a “lifestyle”, and for most gays it is certainly not a “choice”.

Denise – of course it’s important that people know you are lesbians, but once they know, you should show them how normal you are. Yes, blog your sameness. When Zoe blogs sameness – for instance, about coming to terms with her partner’s annoying habit of throwing her socks on the floor b/c she loves her, that’s sweet and something that a straight person can relate to. When you blog about TW’s sweet gesture of knitting socks for you, even though she can’t knit, just b/c she loves you, that’s another great example of blogging sameness that actually has a chance of a straight person reading it and re-thinking her opposition to your relationship.

But when Zoe blogs about gay relationships being healthier, and about gays being more tech savvy, well that’s just annoying. 

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

But should you be vocal about it?

Mind if I jump in?

IMO, yes we should be vocal about -in the sense that we should not have to hide in shadows, we can be out and about and talk in the light of day. 

People often question PRIDE events, why the need? Straight folk have no need? If we stop and ponder that a moment, really ponder it, the answers start coming along... as a trannie, I see a therapist. Heck, my gender issues are pretty well managed and understood - it was the peripheral and collateral damage, and the lingering aftermath of that that has me in therapy, that has led me to practice reiki.

A lot of folk in our community have incurred trauma attached to their being lgbt, and PRIDE is a way to say "I'm OK, we're OK, world... we are OK. It is self affirmation along with public awareness.

Given we have a group that does face an upward struggle for equality and acceptance, talking on it is essential. Nothing changes by mere existing - it changes by getting people to think on the issue in ways they never have before.

Asd for terms, our union went with 'civil marriage,' and when it comes to this state in the next 2-3 years, the legislature has hinted at expanding it in ways where Denise would be proud.  

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

This didn't feel like attack/defend, it felt like a discussion about how you view the posts and how I, as a lesbian, view them. And why I, as a lesbian, feel like they're important.

The bulk of the discussion is really about online communities and why gays might be geeky kinds of people - which I've suggested boils down to a need for us to find community and for us to have a need to express ourselves - others will obviously have different ideas.

This all leads me to wonder why posting about these studies alienates you. Are you alienated by studies that indicate vegetarians are healthier if they are posted by vegetarians? (I don't think you're a vegetarian, right??)

You're also incredibly honest in saying you've felt out of place on Zoe's blog - why? Do you feel that way on mine? I'm really asking because this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night - it's the online community dynamics of it all.

And, you got luck with your original comment and caught me when I was tired but also feeling like connecting with someone - so, thanks - or, sorry - depending on your point of view? ;-)

As for the marriage thing - that's a serious hijack of this thread so I hope you'll forgive me for saying simply - no, I don't see it that way. :-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Heh, I play pretty heavily in dyke space, and that ain't the first time the word enters my writing. ;-) You just get that mixed up with my current and quite temporary status as voluntarily chaste, which is for sanity purposes and nothing else.

I love that I've two kids and am 53 and everyone views me as sweet and innocent. How'dIdothat?

Where were we?

My own blog would be somewhat similar to yours, though mine will obviously invoke reference to being a trannie because most often I just write about life. I'm certainly not shy about writing on lgbt issues, and of course my front page has an lgbt section.

As I'd expect, with time and more acceptance comes less of a need to venture into that aspect of things. The focus shifts towards more personal topics, rather than macro, community topics. Recently I've quickly put up stuff because of the retirement of one community and the birth of its offspring, simply to get it noted on google searches (thank you typepad.)

There are some who really delve deeply, almost in a forensic way, into issues... much as we would see with feminism. There is certainly a need for this, but for some reason I tend not to blog on it, even if I certainly go into it in other spaces.

Know you were a lesbian? Hell, I originally thought you were a trannie. :)

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

This shouldn’t become a discussion where I attack Zoe for writing her articles and you defend her. As I said, I enjoy reading Zoe’s posts and I even visited her blog a few times (although I will admit that I felt a little out of place over there).

As for the studies, I don’t have the time or energy to look into who conducted or funded them, but we both know that many studies are at least partly funded by interested parties.

I would support your cause regardless of how annoying you are :) b/c yes, all people deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. Of course you can be better at things. But should you be vocal about it? BlogHer seems to me like an amazing opportunity for you to advance your cause and show people that they do not need to be afraid – that gays are quite harmless and not a “threat to our society”. Why would you use this amazing opportunity to alienate people is beyond me, and trust me, if these articles were a turnoff to me, they had a similar effect on others. 

I can see what you mean about marriage. “Equal domestic partnerships for all who want them” – straights or gays – sounds wonderful to me, as long as it would give partners the exact same rights that marriage does, in which case we are talking semantics here, aren’t we? 

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

Hah. It's true, we aren't all early adopters - even those of us who are
relatively tech savvy have been known to kick up our heels at these new
fangled community tools.

Har... you were very sweet to refrain from attaching my name to that quote...

Oh, shit... you did. lmao! 

Ya have to admit though, I did rather emerse myself in the technology of it all, at least thigh deep anyway.

More seriously, for me at least, it has been all about community, for better or worse. The online community helped me get through (it was also viewed as the villain in my household, especially one redhead) and it helped hold me up. It morphed into so much more, because so many of us moved past connecting just in cyberspace. The deepest friendships of my life all have roots in cyberspace... perhaps part of that is where I started from. Guys aren't known to build intricate layers of friendship in the context of pulling out and sharing what lies deep within... those things just don't get talked about. So I casually walk in and start learning to do this, and it was just amazing to experience. There was a whole lot of growing pains and just plain pain, but I'd rather not contemplate where my life would be without what came with internet access...

by the way, it is this very week methinks... 10 years ago that I first signed on for cable internet. Wow. 

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

ha, I think I might be having a heart attack because you just said strap on! Will wonders never cease.

So let's talk about blogging "sameness" for a second. On my personal blog, a new reader will likely have to look very hard and pay close attention to even begin to figure out that I'm gay. I'm not a gay identity blogger. It does not suit me.

I mentioned that on ClubMom I didn't blog queer either and that was because I was writing a home schooling teens blog, not a queer mom blog. (Thank goodness because as I said, I'm not really an identity blogger.)

In other places, I'm much more likely to blog (or comment) with my lesbian hat on and that's generally because someone else has encouraged that type of interaction to occur.

That's really what I see happening with Zoe's posts. She's identity blogging - she's issue blogging and that means she needs to blog about differences because we need that voice. If she was here blogging "sameness" would you even know she was a lesbian? Would you know I was a lesbian? And isn't it a little bit important that you know? Maybe not, I don't know. It feels important to me.

I love this thread, thank you Vered and Zoe!

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Being one that does engage in various settings some who are not inclined to support the lgbt community, there are rather obvious things that do need pointing out... I get up in the morning, shower, get dressed, drive to work, work, drive home... you get the idea. This to counter the tossing around of 'gay lifestyle.' What lifestyle is that?

Yet I'm not going to claim complete sameness, because first of all, every last one of us is unique (in my case, the world should probably consider that a very good thing ;-) )

Because of being shoved into minority status where some - many - think ill of us, it does create communities that might not otherwise exist, at least to the current extent, and IMO it does spur us to take some things a bit more seriously than we might otherwise. Is there any doubt that if acceptance was a non-issue, if we were fully out and integrated in society that we too would engage in the 'elvis wedding type stuff? Of course we would - but right now, right now we yearn for things so bad, yearn to see our love and partnering be viewed as legitimate that most every one of us wouldn't be caught dead doing that.

Anyway, there isn't anything wild and exotic about our lives (I know Denise, I know... speak for yourself) and our loves. I'm reminded of one well meaning question years ago 'what do I get a gay couple for a wedding present?' I loved the well meaning ignorance of that question. Well, unless you were planning on buying something like a strap on, get what you might buy any other couple. :)

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

Hah. It's true, we aren't all early adopters - even those of us who are relatively tech savvy have been known to kick up our heels at these new fangled community tools.

I started out loving chat and being a snob about anything else. Moved to HTML etc... and was a serious snob about blogs. Got into message boards and was an even bigger snob about those wimps who used that weird blogging software that does all of the hard coding for you.

(See, I didn't even mention your reluctance to try blogs - oops, I guess I just did.)

Ultimately, it's the community aspect that's driven me. It probably isn't that for everyone - gay or straight - but I think a solid need for community has paved the way for many a GLBT internet user.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

for me to dare to even venture into queer space (ten years ago now), then to share my issues, then to write freely and openly on those issues.

I do think the initial looking for community was the catalyst, and we simply evolved our comfort level, became adapt with technology, and made use of it (even if initially reluctant at various steps.)

Where, why, and how we are willing to connect to community varies, but it does drive us to explore new ways and new spaces. 

As with anything, things come to be because people are driven in some way to find a way to make use of various tools - or even create the tools.  

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )

First - Zoe didn't write the studies, nor did she contract them. She was reporting studies done by others. Should we not share those studies that indicate gays are successful at things because it may make non-gays feel somehow - less?

So in order to feel closer to our cause, we have to... what? Not be better at some things than straights? You wouldn't support our cause simply because all people deserve to be treated fairly and with respect, regardless of what they're good at - or not good at?

And, as for me and marriage - that's complicated and I have no idea where I've blogged it. I can sum it up with two points -

My first opinion, marriage is so ingrained with religion that it scares the heck out of very very religious people. Trying to require a religion to bend its rules to accommodate a lifestyle that it believes is a sin is asking more than many, many people are willing to give.

Second, again my own personal opinion - marriage as an institution is so entirely screwed up and patriarchal that is not an institution worth fighting for. Equal domestic partnerships for all who want them IS worth fighting for but marriage, the institution - not.

:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

You seem to not be too mad at me, so I will push this a little further.

The articles that stood out for me were indeed the two you have mentioned – the “gay relationships are better” article, and today’s article. So not all of them are like that. But those two articles basically say, that gays are not just different, but in some ways, better. That could very well be the case, and obviously gays are entitled to think so, but as a straight person, this isn’t making me feel any closer to you or to your cause. A “we are better” attitude may actually deepen the very gap that you are trying so hard to close. To me, a “we are just like you, trying to lead a normal life with our beloved ones”, or “it shouldn’t be about gender, it should be about people/ love/ relationship” approach is much more appealing.

I am surprised that you are opposed to gay marriage. I didn’t know that. Will you point me in the direction of a link to where you explain why? I need to understand your reasons. If gays are to have equal civil rights, I would think that those rights should include one of the most basic civil rights of all – the right to get married.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

Well the first part - I didn't see the edit til now when I came back to answer the original comment. ;-)

While I hate to speak for anyone, I can assure you that you're welcome in the discussion as you would be on any other topic on BlogHer. Blogs written by Laina about women of color are certainly not closed to caucasian women. Blogs written by any of the moms are not closed to women who are childfree or childless.

Now, back to the original part of your comment....

When I saw your comment my first thought was "does Zoe do that? is her focus always about how gays are different from straights?" I wondered because I don't read them that way and I also wondered because I've assigned her some of those topics specifically.

I surfed quickly through her topics and I don't see them as specifically blogging the differences in order TO blog the differences. I see her blogging GLBT topics about about GLBT issues which are sometimes different from those of our straight counter-parts.

This happens because, brace yourself, our lives are different from straight folks' lives. And we are often very different from straight folks.

I don't think Zoe would do the GLBT community any favors if she bent over backwards to blog our similarities any more than she does.

In this post, she's blogging about a study regarding GLBT bloggers. What should she have done differently? Blogged about straight bloggers?

She blogged about another study about queer relationships, should she have - not done that?

She blogged about GLBT tax issues, and if the queer community doesn't speak up about those issues - who is going to?

Zoe is the CE for the GLBT beat - that's what she blogs. :-)

I hear you when you compare the fight of women and blacks to the fight GLBT people are facing. I've expressed some very unpopular views on that topic in the past (I'm anti gay marriage, after all.) I also blogged for ClubMom and rarely invoked my sexual orientation and instead "played a pretty normal mom of a less than normal teen" and got stabbed a few times by my gay sisters for not blogging more "queer". I hear you and in some ways I agree with you.

But, in the end, I feel the strength of the gay community comes from being who we are - and that means blogging our identities and our issues.

Good question - loved it. Thanks!

Zoe, I enjoy reading your posts. But you seem to talk a lot about how gays are different than straight people. Wouldn’t it be in your best interest to NOT point out so much the differences, but rather concentrate on the similarities? Kind of like women and African Americans – in order to get the same rights, the best strategy is often to focus on the similar first, and then, once equality is (fully or partly) achieved, start highlighting the uniqueness.

I worry about this coming across the wrong way (but I will still hit “post comment” because I may not be very smart or diplomatic, but I am NOT a coward : ). I will, however, state for the record, that two of my best friends are a lesbian couple who have the most adorable toddler I have ever seen (except for my kids, of course); that I am enraged by how being lesbians unnecessarily complicates their lives; and that I fully believe in gay rights and see absolutely no reason for the current discrimination. I just think that the best way to “get there” is not necessarily by repeatedly talking about how different (better?) gays are.

Edited to add: I’ve been curious for a while now. Are you looking for input from straight people when you write your posts and in your personal blog? Or is this mostly a self-contained conversation between gays, and I am just an intruder?  

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com ( http://www.momgrind.com )

If you look at the queer message board forums and chat rooms from 10+ years ago, the people there didn't feel any more tech savvy than anyone else - they were simply looking for "their people", like everyone else using community type tools was.

An obvious extension of those communities is blogs. But blogs bring something else along with the community, they bring freedom of expression and tools that allow broader personal expression.

GLBT folks are really into personal expression - is that because we're more creative than straights? Nah, but it might be because we either don't have the freedom to express ourselves in our "other worlds" or because the queer community really embraces creativity and "other-ness" in ways that some straight communities do not.

Am I making any sense here? I think I should just get back to work.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Yeah, sometimes internet gaydar fails.  When it comes to single lesbians, unless they specifiy somewhere in their about me section, or they talk about their dating lfe, or being gay, I would be clueless.  With the happily coupled lesbians I can usual tell even when they don't use pronouns or names.  There is just someting about the way they talk about their other half that is just different enough from how straight people talk about their spouse, that I can usually tell. 

All of the lesbian blogs I read can be traced back to me finding one lesbian blog and working my way through blog rolls.  It's kind of interstering to see who reads who, and who doesn't read who.  I'm sort of fascinated really, by the overlaps in the lesbian blog circles.

That is a good point, since we hopped on to the internet early on looking for community, we learned and adopted new technology as the technology grew and evovled.

Also, you are so right about the lgbt folk being involved parents.  And they are so good at about creating a network of support and providing a wealth of information for each other, and those of us about to start our families. 

Firstly, thanks so much for the link!

I think the reason why I blog is to connect with others. Whilst I do live in a big city, I still don't meet that many other lesbian geeks, other than my close circle of friends. Also I love exchanging ideas with other people and just simply shooting the breeze.

I would love to meet more lesbian bloggers. For some reason my gaydar just seems to fail on the internet. I know they are out there, but I just can't find them.

 Dancing About Architecture ( http://www.dancingaboutarchitecture.org ) - Blogging just got queerer.

I think blogging has little to do with being geeky or tech savvy, or
having free time, and a lot to do with relating to and connecting with
others like yourself. I think more gay men and women blog because they
are searching for a connection to community that they may not have
otherwise. The need to connect and be understood by a peer group can be
a powerful drive.

As I worked my way through your post, this was the point starting to form in my mind - the initial reason we may have come to the internet over the last decade plus, and as the internet and technology evolved, so too did we, learning and adapting to new technology.

I won't even mention how lgbt folk tend to be involved parents both. ;-) For all the slights that befall us, we sure have some positives working our way.

nelle ( http://www.nelle2nelle.org/ )