I Survived an Abusive Relationship, But Many Women Don't
By Stacey Loring on August 30, 2014
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Something inside me told me to stop fighting and lay limp. He eased up, and at that moment my lungs filled with enough air to yell a blood curling scream for help. It seemed an eternity passed before I heard these twelve beautiful words, "Get your drunk hands off my mother you son-of-a-bitch!"
Alex, my oldest, stood four inches and one hundred pounds less than the monster I let into our home. I saw the fear in Alex’s eyes as the serpent was starting to spit venom from his mouth. Alex stood brave protecting his mother’s honor, while Robert, my youngest, held a knife in his right hand, while on the phone with the police. That was the cornerstone of who I've now become.
After my ordeal I lost who I was; my spirit was broken beyond repair. I was confused and unsure of what I wanted from life. I became unapproachable and resigned my life to becoming a turtle, seeking shelter beneath my armored shell. I kept my distance from men in fear they would all attack and disappoint me. I refused to make eye contact and avoided conversing with men who I didn't know. I thought everyone could see through me and see the shame I was carrying. I lost faith in both love and trust. I knew I would never let my emotions get the better of me, as I would not allow any man to verbally, mentally or physically abuse me again.
In retrospect, as disturbed as this may sound, I’m thankful that this event happened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a masochist, and getting beat up is not something I ever wished for. It’s taken me several years to face my demons of being a victim of domestic abuse. However, this unfortunate circumstance made me the women I am today: strong, self-assured and not willing to take an ounce of crap from anybody. I’m now willing and able to stand up and protect myself from others. I finally realized I did nothing wrong and I didn't deserve what happened to me. My only mistake was letting the monster in to disrupt my quiet and peaceful existence.
1 out of 4 women experiences domestic abuse
There you have it. If you've ever wondered what a victim was feeling at the time of an attack, here it is. Are you wondering what happened after this? I'm sure you are, so here goes.
The police arrived and while he was being carted away, dumb ass over here kept saying, "Oh wait, let me get his shoes. Oh wait, let me get his wallet. Oh wait, let me get his....." The sad thing is, I never realized I was a victim until I had a knock at my front door from an Investigator from The Department of Children and Family. Since Robert was 16 at the time, they wanted to remove him from my home because it was an unsafe environment. It was at that point when the investigator told me I was a victim. Just imagine how difficult it was explaining this to my children's father. At least he wasn't a complete ass about it. It didn't end there. I had to go to court and get a restraining order (which he violated via jail, several times). When he fought the charges, I had to appear in court. I wasn't going to let this SOB know he destroyed my soul. I stared him down the entire time I was in court. From the moment his shackled body in the orange jumpsuit entered the courtroom with the rest of the deviants of society, my glaring eyes never left this. He must have seen the hatred I had for him, and dropped his claim and plead guilty.
I have you know, I am now in a committed and healthy relationship, and I found trust and harmony with the most perfect man in existence.
- One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
- Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
- Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
- Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
- Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.
If this is happening to you, or someone you know, do everything in your power to get out or to assist them in leaving the situation. The abuser may tell the victim they will kill them if they leave or tell anyone, but let's face it, you have a better chance surviving and getting out then staying and surviving.
For more information please visit The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
If you're not sure who to speak with, I would advise calling the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).