Surviving the Quarter-Life Crisis
by Zandria"Crisis" seems like such a dire word. The term quarter-life crisis refers to "the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from ages 21-29." At the age of 27 I'm getting closer to the end of that range, but I already feel like I've reached the end of my personal crisis period.
I don't deny that I went through a long period where I exhibited classic quarter-life crisis symptoms: "feeling 'not good enough' because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level; frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career confusion of identity; insecurity regarding the near future; insecurity regarding present accomplishments; disappointment with one's job; and boredom with social interactions," among others. It's difficult to be in your 20s, especially if you're trying to do things on your own (like many singles are), but it can be hard even with the help and support of family and friends.
It happened to me. Even though I had a strong support system, I always felt like I needed to take advantage of other opportunities "just because." I never did anything crazy or dangerous, but I did make certain life decisions that were different than the ones being made by people around me: I spent a semester in Amsterdam during my senior year of college; I drove cross-country from Virginia to California by myself, twice; I moved to California for a year after I graduated from college; I moved to D.C. last fall to start a new job. Even though I only live about 100 miles away from my Richmond support system, I didn't know anybody when I first moved here, and I was living completely on my own and paying all of my bills by myself for the first time.
When you don't know exactly where you want to be, what you want to do, or how you're going to accomplish it, it's an insanely difficult state of mind to be in. For me the feeling was one of restlessness, like the one thing I needed to discover was just around the corner (or across the country). But the thing was, once I got to a new place, even though I wasn't necessarily un-happy, I realized that changing my surroundings didn't change the person I was inside. That time of my life where I was constantly searching for what would make me "happy" was alternately exciting, depressing, frustrating, anticipatory, and mundane, all at the same time. If you'd asked me a year ago if I thought I was in a quarter-life crisis, I would have said yes. But I don't feel that way anymore.
I'm not saying I suddenly had an epiphany, or that I've completely shed all my doubts and worries. But at some point I realized that I have reached a level of acceptance. I feel like I'm in a good place. I like the area where I'm living, the new job I started a few weeks ago is keeping me busy, there are people in my life who care about me, and I'm optimistic about the future. But most importantly, I no longer feel like I have to change my physical surroundings in order to find happiness.
What are your thoughts on the quarter-life crisis?
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Related reading:
Penelope Trunk (aka the Brazen Careerist, seen last week at BlogHer '07), recommends that people in their 20s take advantage of what she calls a braided career.
Karagibs wrote a response to the Brazen Careerist's post.
Brandykins wrote this post shortly before turning 25. She doesn't feel like she's going through a quarter-life crisis, but she does feel a little...weird.
Erin.davis recently finished grad school and feels overwhelmed. What will her next step be?
Contributing editor Zandria also blogs at Keep Up With Me.
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Comments
I just wish that people
I just wish that people would stop judging me by my age. At 27, I finally feel like people are starting to take me seriously, regardless of the fact that I had more life experiences at 25 than a lot of 50-year-olds have.
It would be great if we could all stop defining others by their chronological age, period.
Amanda Shaffer, Blogher Health and Wellness Contributing Editor
The Cat Lady.
I agree
It's nice to hear it's not just me. I didn't realize that the quarter-life-crisis was actually a 'thing'.
Been There, Done That
I had a HUGE quarter-life crisis when I turned 25. I called in sick for two days to work even though I had a great job and was very happy at the time. I'm not sure what it was--panic? Am I on the right path, etc? I just turned 30, so I've been having the whole "what am I doing" thing all over again. I suppose this will happen at every milestone birthday, no?
Nearly at Mid-Life and glad I'm not you :)
Reading your blog put a smile on my face. I never thought I'd be glad to be forty, but I am. Never looked back after my "quarter-life" crisis.
I turned 26 and had a panic attack. What was it about 26? I still don't really know, except that I knew my next big birthday was 30, I already had a full family of six step-children, and felt my youth was slipping away with no accomplishments, other than motherhood.
Looking back, I was so wrong. Motherhood helped mold six adults, now your age, and that was a huge accomplishment. Growing our family business has made me secure. I didn't drop a tear on my thirtieth birthday, nor my fortieth. I can celebrate each day now knowing that those were my foundation years, even if I couldn't see it then.
I can see it clearly now. Celebrate your lack of wrinkles, and keep building!
Anne Pierson
Editor, Link TextRantingWomen.com
Age is just a number
I like the point that was made about not being defined by our chronological age.
Anne: thanks for the encouragement. I especially liked when you said: "I can celebrate each day now knowing that those were my foundation years, even if I couldn't see it then." I like that!
Personal blog: Keep Up With Me
BlogHer blog: Life - Singles
I cried and cried and cried
I cried and cried and cried on my 21st birthday. I had no desire to party all night, to drink my first legal beverage. I was just depressed. I think I was scared. College wasn't progressing as I'd hoped, and I hated my jobs.
I'm still sort of grumpy. It was a lot easier being a teenager. I'm going to have trouble facing my adult self.
*
My Joy: ThatNight.net
The time you think you're missing, misses you too.
I cried and cried and cried
I cried and cried and cried on my 21st birthday. I had no desire to party all night, to drink my first legal beverage. I was just depressed. I think I was scared. College wasn't progressing as I'd hoped, and I hated my jobs.
I'm still sort of grumpy. It was a lot easier being a teenager. I'm going to have trouble facing my adult self.
*
My Joy: ThatNight.net
The time you think you're missing, misses you too.
A Quarter Century Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks
By far, my worst birthday was 25. No one understands that when I tell them. I had a great career, was newly engaged to my dream guy, and I had plenty of money and free time. Looking back (from the ripe old age of 36), I see that the years in between have brought a lot of life lessons, hardships, health problems, kids, dog, mortgage payments and more responsibility than I thought I would ever shoulder. I love my life now, and wouldn't change a thing (well, I wouldn't mind that plenty-of-money-and-free-time-problem). At the time, I felt like turning 25 was a loss of my youth. I think I knew the house, kids, and mortgage payments were coming and I took that birthday to mourn the life of the person I was. Now, all I mourn is the loss of that 25 year old body!!
http://momo-fali.blogspot.com
Growing Pains
I think we hit multiple times in our lives when this occurs. There are such high expectations that we place on ourselves regarding where we are professionally and personally at different points. I am glad that, through sharing like this, we can embrace the normalcy of these struggles. I think the key is learning to really know yourself and falling in love with who you are. I am not my career, my children, my house, or my spouse. I am the big ball of wonderfulness that makes me me. Once I can figure out how to accept this about myself, I predict that I will have a humongous crush on me. (I'll let you know when I get there) Until then, I will enjoy and appreciate this sharing of experiences that strengthens us all.
Fear of Landing
Welcome to Your Life
I'll admit it. 25 was horrible. And I know why. For some reason I believed that by that age I would know where my life was headed. Who I would marry, what I do for a career, where I would be living. All the big questions would be magically answered.
They weren't.
It was foolish to expect them to be.
I haven't had a bad birthday since then. I am going through the a dramatic case of the mid-life crisis; part of me still thinks that I should terrified and in tears most of the time. In reality, I'm happier than I've ever been before. (though the panic is coming, I'm sure).
LIFE IS AN ACTION NOT AN ANSWER. When we learn to accept that we will be moving forward or slowly dying in place, the choice of moving becomes easier to accept.
Welcome to your life.
Debra
A Stitch In Time
Deb's Daily Distractions