Why
is it that I feel guilty for doing something for myself? I have all
the reasons in the world why I shouldn’t. It doesn’t help.

I bought Elmo tickets for my almost two year old and I, and they were $70. I
have to pay for two tickets, because gee, I would sure love to go watch
Elmo. Parents should get discounts! But I don’t feel guilty about
that.

My husband royally pissed me off Monday. He went out and partied with his gross skeevy friend in Miami.
He is very nice but I don’t think he has ever washed his hands. I will leave the rest to your imagination.

So my husband calls me, his phone is in the process of going dead.
This is 11pm. Sometimes I can’t sleep while he is out, for fear of
drunk driving, car wrecks, being tossed in the drunk tank, etc. Here
is my night when he is off getting wasted, staring at bitches, etc.

1:30 AM Take Xanax due to inability to sleep/worrying etc

3:00 AM Wake up, get panicky and then pissed, that I haven’t heard from the offending party

5:15 AM Wake up, worry that he is dead on the side of the road somewhere, or maybe arrested for drunk driving.

8:00 AM Now I am very worried, feeling sick from lack of sleep,
and PISSED OFF. Are there no phones in the entire city? Does your
friend not have a phone ? Can’t you borrow someone else’s phone, call
collect, or use one in a bar that you are probably still in? Are you
17 years old and unable to tolerate alcohol or stop when you are
smashed? Did you forget that you have a family, responsibilities, and
are legally considered an adult?

So I called and made myself an appointment- no- multiple
appointments-for a massage, facial, and manicure/pedicure. I bought an
entire package. I sent an email that said BE HOME BEFORE 3. I AM
LEAVING FOR THE DAY. He is an email whore and of course got THAT
message.

He came home, looking like a sheepish asshole, tried to apologize,
but I had nothing to say except SEE YA later. And then went and spent
some money getting pretty and un-pissed off.

I didn’t ask for anything on Mothers’ Day. I got Eggos and coffee
in bed. Didn’t have to change the poopy diaper, and had a sandwich
made for me for lunch. Pizza for dinner. So I deserved this spa day,
along with the retard husband factor. I should not feel bad. But I do.

Then I saw the bar bills (paid by debit card, at 1 am and 3 am at
the same bar) and felt waaaaaay better. But still guilty. Then I saw
the cost of the shooting range a week or two ago. Feeling better yet.
But I also see that the new wheelchair wheels cost over $500 and wonder
if that makes me feel worse.