Taking Charge of the Quailty of My Marriage

As I sit in the bed as my husband sleeps soundly without a care in the world. For some reason, this irritates me so much. I have a thousand thoughts running to my mind about us, our past, our present, and our future….and he sleeps... This is so irritating J. My husband and I started dating my senior year in college and ten years later, we are still together.  I could say it’s been ten great years, with nothing but butterflies and roses….but that’s not the reality.  Yes, there have been some amazing times; times I would not trade for nothing in the world. In-between those amazing times, there were some unbearable times. There were times when I didn’t think we would make and times I wasn’t sure if I wanted us to make it. In those times, my relationship was a burden in my life. While I’ve always loved him, I haven’t always liked him and I’m sure he would say the same thing about me.  

As I sit here at 12:33 am thinking about us, I wonder what’s next.  I’m concern about the dynamics of our relationship. Although I understand there are things that need to change and I can make a list and pin point every aspect of our relationship that isn’t work. I can even develop a plan to make it work, but when it comes to implementing the plan, there is a disconnect. It seems we are so comfortable in the “routine” of our marriage that trying something new, regardless of how positive the outcome may be, is too much work.  We’ve discussed how I need to be affectionate and initiate sex more and how he needs to spend more quality time with me, along with a list of other  “issues”,   and how if we both do our part our relationship would be great. We’ve devised a plan, after spending hours choosing the best relationship tools for us to use, and somehow we consistently fail at execution.   

So to keep myself honest and accountable for my part in the success or failure of my marriage, I have decided to start this blog. For 6 months I will document a honest reflection of my marriage, flaws and all. More importantly I will display an accurate depiction of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. What I hope to gain from this blog is a better sense of me and at the end of the day become a better wife and human being.  Hopefully there are others who can gain something from my story and learn and grow with me.

 

Until next time…

Sofia

 

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