Taking my Foot Off the Brake

our children 

The Joy of Mothering

Grace changes me, usually in spite of myself.

Although I said yes to God when I was 16 and heroically tried to surrender all of myself to Him, it was impossible because I was not free or healed enough to let go of my masks and fears. So I earnestly performed all the right spiritual exercises and disciplines.  My  spiritual practices were counter productive because I was proudly doing everything under my power.

I call it The Tea and Me Trap. The tea was the caffeine fuel I needed to keep me running somewhat efficiently. I was a dedicated Christian who had a relationship to Jesus and was filled with His Spirit but still not allowing His Spirit free reign in my daily routine.

The irony is that I long for freedom but cling to my wounds and refuse to be loved out of fear. Only when my present course is insane or killing me, only then do I let go of control. Change happens when I surrender  pride and admit to being, doing, thinking or feeling something that is counter productive. Then I let go and allow an unexpected experience of God to turn me around.
Change has always seemed impossible if I think too much about it. Although growth is organic and  automatic once I say yes and take my foot off the brake.
Ironically, when all the major decisions in my life, all the 180 degree changes sprang up, I immediately knew I had to say yes.
  • encountering God out of the blue and accepting Him,
  • becoming Catholic
  • marrying...we had seen each other in person 11 days before we were engaged.
  • moving across the country,
  • deciding to have a large family,
  • moving to a farm, to raise healthy food and keep our kids of the street.
I made all these major life changes  in the snap of a finger because I knew, deep down in my core that these were the right decisions for me and later us as a family. 
That is called listening to God and obeying. Now  I need to let this process happen every moment of every day.


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.

Recent Posts by melanie jean juneau