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Between the economy and the recent tragic deaths at a retreat, I've been thinking quite a bit lately about personal responsibility. It is easy and seemingly soothing to blame our problems and difficult circumstances on others or forces beyond our control. But do so means staying stuck and not learning and growing so we can make our lives ultimately better.
One of the difficulties with taking personal responsibility, even for the tough stuff, is walking a line where it doesn't cross over into blaming the victim. In the case of the sweat lodge deaths, some wonder why people didn't just get up and leave if their bodies were telling them that it did not feel right. And while it is important to ask the question and understand the answers it doesn't mean that we just say oh well, it's their own fault that they died because they didn't leave before it was too late.
However, understanding why we don't listen to our instincts, why we make mistakes, why we undertake foolish actions or what it is that we need to learn so we can do better next time, can help us be stronger, more resilient, happier and have a more fulfilling life.
Right now it is easy to blame pretty much every bad thing in life on the recession. Being a helpless victim of the bad economy means we don't have to take any responsibility for problems and difficulties. However, looking critically at our specific circumstances allows us to identify how we might have contributed to losing a job or having too much debt. Now it is entirely possible that someone can do everything right and still have bad things happen. Life is often unfair. But maybe there is something you could have done better or differently or perhaps there is a valuable lesson in hard times that can illuminate what we can do better once we know better.
I personally am finding that owning my actions rather than blaming others for what ails me allows me to feel more firmly in control of creating my life and allowing me to create the life I want rather than reacting and allowing life to happen to me. A few things I've found along the way make this easier to do. First, meditation lets me clear out my thoughts and focus on being in the moment and not obsessing over the past, worrying about the future or railing against those who've done me wrong. Second, atoning for my mistakes (usually by offering up a silent thought or prayer) lets me move past them and into my better self. Third, I forgive others and especially myself. Like many, I am my own worst critic and can be incredibly hard on myself and my biggest psychic bruises are self inflicted. These practices also help me better receive criticism (from others and myself) which is still always hard to hear even when it is constructive.
How do you cast a proactively critical eye on yourself and consciously create your life circumstances? How does it help you grow? What are your best tips for taking personal responsibility without falling into blaming the victim?
Related Reading:
Christine Kane: How to Create Your Own "Play Big Zone" [VIDEO]
Ralph Marston at The Daily Motivator: Chosen Feelings and Negative Assumptions
4PL at Highbrid Nation: Why Is Master P's "No Excuses" on VH1 and not BET?
Premiering last night on VH1 “No Excuses” is a reality show were Percy Miller aka Master P teaches unsuspecting individuals how to overcome the hardships in life through hard work, diligence, and to not make excuses under any circumstance.
Monique at Mo In Oz: No Excuses!
I spent the last hour or so at work today trying to think of good excuses why I shouldn't go to the gym. At the end of the day - I just didn't have one.
Fiscal Geek: Personal Finance Doesn't Absolve Personal Responsibility
I’ve noticed a theme I seem to keep harping on in my latest posts where I keep whining (let’s call it what it is) about various companies or entities. I just want to clear something up right now that I first believe in Personal Responsibility. In my own life my stupid financial mistakes and poor purchasing choices are clearly my own. An outside entity or corporation did not force me to trade in a relatively new car for a brand new truck. The mortgage companies did not hold one of my family members hostage to instigate the purchase of my first
