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Among different circles of friends and coworkers there are different levels of sex talk comfortability. Sometimes filters are needed and sometimes the filters need to come off.
When I am among coworkers, some of whom I do consider friends, I am not viewed as licentious or audacious. We are surrounded by "all things sex" all day long. This includes mainly sex toys and porn (on the screen, that is). Our surroundings and jobs make sex (from vanilla to ultra-kinky) an ordinary topic. It is sort of like talking about the weather or what you are going to have for dinner. We are comfortable enough to discuss our own sex lives and interests without it seeming inapproriate or "over the line". We respect each other and it is very matter of fact.
When I exit the building and enter my other social circles it is a little different. I censor myself a bit. Notice I said a bit. It isn't that I can't be myself, but I realize that not everyone is comfortable talking about g-spot orgasms, prostate massage and the various genres of porn. When I first started in this field I didn't put my filter on. Ever. I spoke as if everyone watched/edited porn all day (my first position at my current job). I was exposed to, what seemed to me at the time, some pretty outlandish content and felt the need to share it with my friends. Some were curious and asked questions, but that's not the case for everyone. I realized that people would have red faces and were extremely uncomfortable, wanting nothing more than to run far far away. While I wish the general public didn't view sex as such a taboo subject, I respect that people have boundaries. I like to help people in areas of sexual health and I believe that being a little uncomfortable at times is necessary to grow in life. However, I am certainly not out to traumatize anyone.
I noticed something interesting last night after my rehearsal - for a burlesque show, mind you. We were chatting away about someone's new love interest. You know how it goes; the obligatory "where did you meet him", "what does he do", "how old is he", etc. I asked, "how is he in bed"? Giggles from everyone ages 23-40+. Someone uttered, "of course you would ask that". It seemed like a valid question, especially among close friends and performers who are, to a certain extent, comfortable with their sexuality. She answered honestly and we chatted for a bit longer. If this question were asked among my co-workers I would probably get an in-depth answer accompanied by a straight face, a sprinkle of wit and followed by laughter at their answer (not the question).
Even more giggles and red faces appear when I am visiting with old college friends. They found out that I put all of those years of dance training to good use by becoming a burlesque performer. This was a couple of years before my adult movie editing turned sex toy analyst career. At the time I was incredibly nervous about telling them that I was going to be performing in this type of show. Now I view what I do as pretty darn tame, but it was all fresh and new to me back then. Most of the responses I got were to the affect of, "that is so perfect for you". Really? They weren't surprised as I thought they would be. It is possible that they knew me better than I knew myself during college. They are all incredibly supportive, but when the subject of the show or my job comes up I usually hear a high pitched ooooooh and laughter.
Now, I did once have a friend who told me that she didn't masturbate because she "didn't need to". Filter was off and it was time for her to put on her uncomfortable shoes. You don't need to? So, you don't need to know your body so you can better communicate with your husband? Okay. The conversation progressed, but that's a blog for another day. I will say that dropping the filter worked out for the better in this situation. She approached me the following week and proudly announced that she had started masturbating and enjoyed it very much... in her own words of course.
I blog here: http://sextoysforladies.com/
