Rather than being the easy way out, letting go of a dream can require immense bravery.It takes courage to say, “enough is enough,” to step off the treadmill and often, away from the support we might have there.It takes courage to know that your decision will bring sadness and loss, to absorb that as part of you, and to continue to face the world every day....more
I often find that people with children, when they hear women who embrace their life without children (either by choice, or because we had no choice), find it necessary to comment that they couldn’t imagine life without little Jack and Jill (or whoever). Of course, they can’t (or won't) imagine their life as it is now without their children. To do so would be to imagine them gone, to feel their absence, their loss, and to imagine and feel the grief of this loss. Of course they can’t do that. And none of us are ever suggesting they should try....more
…but you don’t really want NOT to have them, either…A conversation my husband "Sven" and I had recently:Me: Are you ready to have a baby?Sven: I’m 35. I could have a 10 year old child by now.Me: Ok, but if you didn’t feel like you should be ready just because you’re old, do you actually feel a desire to be a dad?Sven: I guess not, but I think it’s something I don’t want to miss out on. I know I won’t regret having them, what about you?...more
A woman's womb is such a delicate, creative, innovative place that not only is a designated place where the uterus is located but it is also a place where babies and ideas are conceived in this delicate place. This particular article is about the conception of ideas rather than babies. I am going to give birth to a matter that is such a sensitive, raw and private matter...the policing of women's womb especially those who are childless. *sigh* Let me start off by saying that I am an unapologetic married woman who is childless....more
I've been thinking the last few days about those very early days of learning we will have a life without children. First, infertility, then childlessness. I remember those days, even though they were many years ago. I felt as if I had been slammed into a brick wall.
Certain parenting truths exist that those who cling to their hipness after childbirth are loath to reveal. Being an adult gets harder as the children grow older and begin to understand what is really in your juice glass at their birthday parties. Do you remember the day you realized you could no longer Speak-n-Spell your way through conversations about Christmas presents, flu shots and blow jobs? Yeah. That extends to reading. As in kids who know how to read and who also live in your house....more
Just as I passed the woman and her child, an entire gaggle of cats started singing "Happy Birthday." “Meow meow meow meow, MEOW MEOW.” The child was clearly delighted, so his mom opened the greeting card again: “Meow meow meow meow, MEOW MEOW!”
“How revolting,” I thought, as I left the store to go to my quiet home. I’m not used to jarring noises like tinny, electronic singing cats. I’m not used to cartoons playing in the background. I don’t know any songs from "Frozen." I don’t even know the plot of "Frozen."...more