Taking Money Out of the Should-I-Have-A-Baby Equation

I had a chat with my friend Jen recently about the cost of raising kids, and something she said has been stuck in my mind ever since. I told her that money was probably the #1 or #2 reason we might not have kids (depending on where you rank a lack of desire to actually have them). She seemed surprised by this, and suggested that I take money out of the equation entirely and focus solely on deciding whether or not we want kids first....more

Why Do I Have to Coo at Your Baby When You Won’t Pet My Cat?

For those without kids, is there anything scarier in this world than someone showing up at work, mid-maternity leave, to show off the new baby? I’ll admit, when I heard those stroller wheels clacking down the halls at my old work, I did a legger to the bathroom more than once. Take Your Kids to Work Day and Halloween (when my company hosted Trick-or-Treating through the cubicle aisles) often found me cowering under my desk, or feigning extreme urgency – rushing off to fictitious meetings or picking up a non-ringing phone to engage in an I-can’t-be-bothered-now argument....more

New Data on Childlessness From The National Survey of Family Growth

The National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) has a new report out on fertility statistics for the years 2006-2010. The NSFG is one of the few organizations who break the "childlessness"category out into "voluntary," "involuntary" and "temporary." The report is packed with data; here are some highlights of findings in the childlessness area....more

Mixed Baby Signals

A few strange things have happened over the past week that have further complicated this already-complicated-enough decision, and I can’t help feeling that my brain is playing tricks on me. Quite frankly, Brain, that’s rude.Strange Thing #1: Inadvertently Sucked Into a Vortex of Nick Jr. Television...more

I'm a Young Military Wife...Without Kids.

When I was 19, my husband & I eloped. We had known each other about 3 months, no one had met him, & all they could remember about him was that he was in the Air Force. As they got to know him they saw he was funny, well-mannered, & a heck of a lot of fun, much like me. We laugh at the same jokes, make fun of the same things, & know exactly what makes the other tick. They got it after the initial shock of us eloping in Vegas. But then something funny happened. I suddenly had one question thrust at me all the time, "So when are you having kids?"...more
I am in the same boat you are girl! My husband is in the Navy and we have been married for 2 ...more

Childfree: When Those You Don't Know (or Don't Know Well) Ask You, "Why Don't You Want Kids?"

The childfree encounter a number of different kinds of challenges, from loves ones who don't understand their choice, to getting pressure to change their minds and more. One of the challenges the childfree talk about is how not to get defensive when asked by people they don't know (or don't know well) why they don't want kids. I have three of my favorite strategies for dealing with this kind of situation....more
I have two responses: one more lighthearted, the other a little harsher.  Lighthearted:  "Kids ...more

I'm Selfish - You Should Be Too

Last week, I received a bit of a nasty-gram for the blog, calling me childish, selfish, narcissistic, and a cringe-worthy writer. Yes – ouch, buuuurn, and all that. I thought the issue of Childfree people (or those considering a Childfree life) being called selfish had been covered ad nauseum, but it appears I’ve been proven wrong. So let’s dig in.Is it selfish to not want kids?...more

Who's Going to Take Care of You When You're Old?

I think I drove a nice, but naive, woman a little crazy yesterday.  I hope I also gave her something to think about.  Here's what happened.  She and her kid sat beside me on a train to Long Island.  I made the mistake of saying her kid was cute.  The kid was cute --that wasn't the mistake-- but my comment opened the door to a much too long conversation that eventually led itself to me telling this woman I had no husband and no kids…and that I was ok with that. Then this happened: ...more

Not Even James Van Der Beek Can Explain What Parenthood Feels Like to Me -- Can You?

Most new parents, when trying to capture this emotion, spout off some variation of It’s the most indescribable feeling… which is somewhat problematic for me in that they can’t seem to describe it. It evidently just has to be experienced. Or they say something like, Man, when they put that baby in your arms… and then they just shake their heads. Also not tremendously helpful. I hate the idea that there’s this wildly powerful emotion running around out there in the world that I might never catch. But is the curiosity over this feeling enough to justify the lifelong commitment, expense, blah, blah, blah, of a child? ...more
Great timing- I was just trying to explain to my sister-in-law who's expecting her first the ...more

What I Learned At My Awesome Book Launch Party

The book launch party for The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree was held last Thursday in New York City.  It was wonderful in every way: beautiful venue, good food and drink,  and a really good vibe with  75 of my favorite people.  I was very happy. It was held at Blondie's Treehouse, a floral design shop.  I wanted a location that was different from your typical restaurant party room, and Sara Baerwald was kind enough to let me use her space.  What a nice lady. ...more
It looks like it was a fantastic time! Congrats on your new book!more