My sister called this week to say that Mom is failing quickly. The news caused many family scenes to play through my mind: a picnic at the lake, where honeybees tried to sample much of our food, making homemade ice cream out by the cistern on the farm, sitting around the kitchen table on a 100 degree day with glasses of fresh lemonade. It’s funny how family memories so often revolve around food. Mom was a farm girl, and was more likely to serve a bowl of fresh, unadorned cantalope than a fancy dessert. The meat was from some of our own livestock, we pr...more
You may wonder why you are connected with certain people in your life. It's as if there was an invisible string that pulled you together and keeps you bound in some way. Then at some point, the ties loosen and you drift apart. There doesn't seem to be a reason or timing, it just is. The universe has plans for you that include these people. Your interactions with them mold you to be who you are. Whether your relationship is amiable or not, there is still purpose in how you interact. It's as if all is predestined....more
After my son died twenty-three years ago, I spent a great deal of time talking to people, listening to them, and reading their stories, all in the hopes of finding the inspiration to heal.
I heard platitudes that abound in all areas of everyday life: “Time heals all wounds.” “You’re young; you can have more children.” “When God closes one door, he opens another.” “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”
During different types of loss, I’ve heard other hackneyed phrases like, “It happened for a reason,” and “Maybe you’re better off this way.”
I was feeling great one San Francisco night when I ran into some childhood friends. My enthusiastic greetings were met with icy stares and cold words, and our encounter quickly went sour. They began to beat me. My face was their primary target, and each strike left me more hurt and confused. Bleeding and blinded, I was abandoned on the cement. ...more
This will be my very first post!!!!!!!I put it under grief and loss and said I still miss my bestie. But this isnt just about the grief and loss of him. I am grieving about when I lost myself. But then, I have to wonder if I ever really found myself. However, that is the journey I am on now....more
There is a mixed bag of emotion that comes every year on this day. At 1:23 pm, Wade and I became parents to a baby, who sported a tan, a perfectly round, bald head and eyes that were wide open almost immediately. My brother and sister in law have often spoken of watching Wade, walking down the hall with a very newborn Jeff in his arms, saying, "I got my boy."
Little did we know that the journey we began the day he arrived would take us to down a path that we could not have imagined in either our wildest dreams or our worst nightmares....more
Sometimes you swear that even if you have your eyes open, you are still in the dark. You are paralyzed because you're afraid that you will fall. Your steps are unsteady as you venture forward. It may seem that it would be better if you just stood still. By being still, you may become more aware of your surroundings. You will become more at peace with what is surrounds you when you begin to understand that there is purpose by being in the dark. In life, you may not struggle against the not knowing....more
There are times when you can't put your finger on it, but things are just not quite right. It is not a sense of doom or that misfortune is around the corner, it's just a feeling of being off balanced. You aren't quite sure how to explain what you are feeling, in fact you may be confused. It is an internal knowing that things may not be as it should. During the day, you may use caution in all that you do but it turns out that everything runs as smoothly as it should. Then what is this unsettled feeling you have....more
When you are missing those who have passed away, you sometimes wonder where have they gone. It's wanting them to be with you that makes you think of these things. It may not be important that you find the answer, for it will not ease the ache in your heart. Although they are gone from your life, their memory lives on within you. You share your special moments with them because you feel their spirit are still here with you. Sometimes they seem to be closer to you than those who are physically with you....more