Don't Give Up Yet, Just Wait

 I have thought about committing suicide many, many times over the last 20 years....more

I'm Tired of Needing Therapy

Trigger Warning: suicide, stillbirth, self harm.I sank into the cushions of my therapist's ridiculously comfortable chaise lounge for the first time in two weeks and picked up the billing statement she'd left for me.“Well, that's one benefit of fewer therapy sessions,” I quipped, noting the almost quaint balance due....more

Bella

Before and After.  Certain times and events in our lives are so huge, so pivotal, that they define the fabric of our personal story.  Those things that leave such a mark on us that we begin thinking of our lives in terms of before this, and after this.  Most of us have a few of these before and after events.  For me they are: May 14, 1979, the death of my father; March 21, 1995, the birth of my daughter; September 19, 2001, the birth of my son and Spring 2013, entry into the rabbit hole....more

How to Cope with the Loss of a Friend

I was recently sitting in my favorite coffee shop, and remembering my dear friend who used to meet me there and who died not long ago. As I get older, I’m experiencing more and more loss, and so are my friends of a similar age. Those of us who survive loss still have to “keep calm and carry on” as they say. So I thought you might appreciate some help with how to cope....more

Widowed at 27: I Still Leave the Porch Lights On For My First Husband

I still leave the porch light on for my dead husband, even after finding love a second time. ...more
Beautiful.  Just, beautiful.more

The Power of Impossibility

If you think about all of the times in your life that you were down, crushed, broken or hopeless, there is always a strain, grain or thread of impossibility.  Even when you force your hurt or beat up self to be practical, problem solving or option seeking, impossibility eventually strikes your potential plan and you are back to square one.  Like a deer in headlights, you stop when you come against impossibility.  There are circumstances in this life where change feels impossible....more

Going Through The Motions

Heartache is a horrible thing. The true pain life brings is scary and unpredictable. I thought I knew this world was ugly when I was in college but little did I know how ugly it could really be. The vast waters of sin are beyond my comprehension. Although my eyes have seen but a taste, I can't fathom the root of where this evil really lays and nor do I want to....more

Surviving My Spouse's Suicide

PBS sent an article to me today on Facebook about suicide. It seems the rate of elderly suicide is twice that of youths. And they don't have many practice runs. I've known for sometime, this to be true. About 40,000 people die by suicide every year. For people aged 75 and over, the rate is 16.3 per 100,000 and for men 75 and over, it's 36 per 100,000....more

That's What You Get For Thinking

Did your mom say that to you? My mom did, and I can still hear her saying it in my head. I just said it myself, to my sister, about an hour ago....more

5 Reasons to Forgive Yourself Today

It’s hard to forgive others when you haven’t forgiven yourself. Perhaps it sounds foreign, but the root of forgiveness starts within, and once you learn to forgive yourself, forgiveness in general is much easier to implement. I have personally struggled with self-forgiveness in the past, and here are my 5 reasons why you need to forgive yourself today....more
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