Up from rock bottom

Rock bottom is something very different for each person.  My rock bottom was losing my dear sweet baby girl less than two months after I became a mother for the first time. It’s lonely down on the bottom because it doesn’t feel like another soul on the planet can understand the agony in your soul, bones, blood vessels... They all ache, very deeply.  It feels like the pain just won’t ever stop. ...more

Lay Your Infertility Burdens Down

The holidays are tough for me this year.We’re in the middle of a waiting season.  It’s been five months since our last IVF cycle, and we have three more to go.    The wait feels so long....more

Untitled. Because how do I possibly know what to call this?

I am grieving.I hate that word, “grieving.”My grief is acute. It’s the pain when you first break your leg. The sharp pain that makes you gasp and you can’t breathe because it hurts so much and consumes you. Maybe if the situation had been different I would have more chronic grief. The dull, constant ache that comes later, after you’ve worn the cast on your leg but the pain doesn’t fully go away.I know I need to write, I know I want to write. But there is absolutely, not a chance in the world, that I can write anything coherent. So I will just….write.—-...more
Denise Thank you so much, Denise.more

Ramblings While Waiting

I may have mentioned once or twice that I am not a fan of all the waiting. Oh, sure, I stand in line without complaining, and I don't get road rage in heavy traffic, but the long-term waiting is an area where I can surely use some improvement. Maybe that's why I get to do it so often - God knows this is an area of weakness for me and he's taking me as fast as I will go to where He wants me to be. Hopefully I am getting better and someday I will not have to practice as much....more

Misery

It would be nice to sleep.  It would be nice to wake up at a reasonable time after I sleep.  It would be nice not want to have a drink at night to help me sleep.  It would be nice not to want to stuff my face with food in a vain attempt to numb my feelings.  It would be nice to like myself and feel like some else does as well.  It would be nice to not have complicated relationships.   Can my actions and words be taken at face value?  Could I just not care, not have anxiety attacks when my actions are misinterpreted?  Why am I so miserable....more

Finding Joy When it Doesn't Feel Easy

So, I've decided to take BlogHer's NaBloPoMo challenge for December and post every day. The theme this month is joy- fitting for the season, right? It just so happens that it is the word I have chosen as my mantra these last few months, in hopes of more than just getting through....more

The Dreaded 'C' Word

Cancer. The word that everyone dreads to hear. Cancer takes lives from this world way too soon. Cancer tears apart families for no good reason at all. However, approximately 1 in 3 of people have been impacted by cancer in one way or another. The statistics are alarming, and the only hope that we have is to find a cure for such a destructive disease. Cancer snatched one of the most important people in my life, my beloved grandmother. Hers was a long and brave fight – one that I wished she did not have to go through....more

Tea and Tomorrow

She was a bully. There was no doubt about it. She was also our colleague. Each of us had been prey to her sarcastic tone and her snide remarks, some of us on a regular basis. She was odd and she was fussy, she talked about our customers every day....more

The Hard Stuff

Yesterday was the memorial service for my friend. It was almost comical, the argument I was having with my soul in the shower. "It's too hard!" it whined. "It will hurt a lot, and you should just stay home. He'll understand." Never mind that to go and pay my respects was the right thing to do. I told it to just shut up, that I was going and that was it....more

Grandpa Welcomed Her Home

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