How do you know when it’s time to give up—fighting for something you believe in, or want to have, or to have happen? To give up seems like a failure of sorts, and we don’t like to fail, to experience loss. You’re not sure if you can let go of your hopes and dreams, of something or someone. Maybe you think or feel that you can’t or don’t want to continue doing what you’ve been doing—thinking and acting in the same way, or perhaps moving in the same direction, or even staying on the same path....more
It is almost July 24. My younger brother's birthday. He would have been 45 this year. 4 years younger than me. However, when his birthday comes this year I will do what I have been doing for the past 5 years. I will bake a chocolate cake and I will light a yahrzeit candle to honor his memory. Because on April 14, 2009, my younger brother Brian died from a heart attack....more
Looking at me in person and reading my stories online, you probably would never know that at one point in my life I was considered "special needs." My life's story involves a unique adoption that shaped me into the person I am today. Let's start with the day the adoption became final....more
I was poking around online the other day, waiting for my sister to call so we could discuss bus schedules for her planned trip to visit in August. I wasn't thinking about much of anything, but I came across a photo of a couple in winter at what looked like Jenny Lake. The picture caught me unaware, and I just started crying. I don't really know why; I'm not even sure it was Jenny Lake....more
Dear Annie,15 months ago I saw you sitting outside the pet store when I was running errands. I wasn’t sure if you were part of the local humane society’s adoption event, or if you were heading into the pet store with your own family. You were far too pretty to be up for adoption – a pure bred, rust-colored, goofy, 7-month old golden retriever pup. I put my bag of groceries down and made a beeline for you. I’m pretty sure I elbowed another couple out of the way so I could get a good look. “Is this a pure golden?” I asked....more
I've spent most of my life either saying or thinking, "As long as I don't become my mother..." like it was some kind of motivational quote for my life. As long as I could keep chugging along and not become her, I was doing okay. As long as I didn't make the same choices she did, that would mean that I had somehow done better with my life. I knew with every fiber of my being that I could become my mother, but I didn't want to. I wanted my own life; I wanted to be different.
Hi readers,Today I am going to share some memories of my Dad. This is a topic that is hard for me to share about because he was so important to me. I have recieved so much love and support for sharing my story that I am going to share my whole story with HD, the good and the bad. ...more
This spring I dreamt that my sister Bobbie wasn't dead. She hadn't committed suicide after all. She was coming home.
It was 1966 again and I was 10 years old. She was 21, just like before, and I sobbed for joy when she came to the door, in her familiar beatnik style, looking somewhat detached and cold, but there. After all, I never saw her body — they said it was too far gone for me to see — so her death really may have been a lie, camouflaged amidst my parents' many other deceits.
In another posting I had one thing I mentioned was the fact that a dear family friend has passed away. This lead me to have to write about it because when someone dies it is never really just one person. Physically yes one person died that you are mourning. Psychologically everytime someone you know dies, whether it is a loved one or just someone you talked to from time to time, all the pain of the losses before them tend to surface. We all at one time or another have suffered a great loss of someone important to us....more