I've discovered that it is much easier to mourn a cat than it is to mourn a biological father you never met.
I don't know how to do this and I want there to be some sort of rules, some program to follow, and once you follow that program you get to be done with the mourning and proceed to the living with grief until you're healed or as healed as you're going to be part.
I know I haven't written in a while, and I honestly thought I would be writing about the new puppy in our life. Instead I find myself writing about another death on the farm.Boots was born on May 15th of this year. She died on Sunday the 16th, just a day past turning 4 months old. And, today we buried her.I've been feeling like a bit of failure. When we had the massacre weekend, I promised Boots that I would take care of her. We took her to the breeder and then brought her back after 3 weeks. And, as I wrote back then, she was never quite the same. I called it goat PTSD....more
I don't realize my son is tense, bothered, quiet. I don't realize it until later, after the urge to strangle him had subsided. One of the special racks, at the end of the fourth or fifth aisle, is stacked with boxes of muesli bars. "Can we get some of these please Mum?" I barely even glance at him. "We can, but not from here. When we get around to where they usually are, where there's lots of them to choose from, we'll get them then." Those of you who spend time in the company of small children know how this next bit goes. Small child begins to whinge, their drawn out pleas often mixed with exaggerated sobs in the back of their throat. ...more
Happy 35th Birthday Ryan!Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Author Unknown...more
Four years ago, I was a happily married mother of three. One sunny day in August, my sweetheart fell from the sky a world away. He was on his way to volunteer his time and talents to a humble village in the mountians of Guatemala. Unfortunately, the plane they were commuting on experienced a major mechanical error and crashed. There were 14 people aboard the flight, of which 11 died....more
When we lost Austin, there were a lot of comments from others that took me back. Some that made me downright angry. I don't believe that any of them were intentionally hurting me, in fact just the opposite. When the unimaginable happens, people grasp for words - anything - that will bring comfort. Sometimes they say the only thing that comes to mind, and because they've never experienced such a loss, they can't fathom how it might be perceived.
One comment that haunted me then, is healing for me now.
Someone mentioned then about my jo...more
I recently read an article in The New York Times that blew my mind. It shed light on the often tumultuous relationship my dad had with his children -- and the relationship that I currently have with my children....more
I was painfully reminded of my own story of betrayal coming across the American TV show 'Revenge' which chronicles the wronged life of Emily Thorne and the victims she 'takes down' (I told you, it's an American show) one by one. Victims who had any part to play in framing Emily's father for a crime he did not commit years before, and destroying her family when she was just a little girl. A little girl who ADORED her father.At the beginning of the first Season (Season 2 airs in the US this week, I believe) and through a series of then and now flashbacks, we catch up with Emily leaving prison and relocating to the upper class society town where her victims live. Where she once lived with her father.Now an adult of course, the town do not recognise her or know who she is - aside from being a beautiful, Preppy girl who has rocked up to rent a lavish beach house - but she knows everything about them.Everything....more