No matter how many warnings he was given, my ex-husband insisted on taking Androgel. In doing so, he ended up finding himself faced with his biggest fear: being alone. There are a good number of years in age between he and I, and we each saw advantages to that for vastly different reasons. While his reason was the assumption that he could recapture his (sexual) youth, mine was the assumption that he wanted someone who would not demand a "young man level" performance of sexual acitivity. We were both wrong. ...more
The girls came up with a special name for their stepdad, something that is of course NOT dad or daddy or father. At any rate, DD1's first idea was shut down by her father months ago, because it made him feel 'uncomfortable' so because she is a sensitive soul, she felt uncomfortable, and after consulting with my therapist and the girls' therapist, i agreed to support her 'change of mind,' poor thing, because it put her in the middle....more
If you find yourself lying to everyone that everything is fine, and having to put on a smile, you need to leave.If you find yourself trying to breathe so quietly that the covers don’t move because it will enrage him, you need to leave.If you find yourself nodding in agreement when he says that the hole in the wall is where he slipped, knowing full well that he hit it during a rage, you need to leave.If you find yourself cut off from everyone who really knows you because you cannot look them in the eye anymore, you need to leave....more
It’s coming up on 90 days………………….since I filed for divorce.90 days. 3 months. Winter to almost Summer.Takes 90 days, in this state, to be divorced. 90 days to be SURE you WANT to be divorced. To think it over, I suppose.Yes, I DO want to be divorced, but it ain’t gonna happen in 90 days. No way. No how. Not in this universe. Nope.And? I made a CALENDAR counting DOWN the 90 days. Sad? Because, well, it isn’t going to BE 90 days....more
I became divorced in 2013. While in Israel, my husband and I separated. I came to the conclusion that I didn't deserve the manipulation, the screaming and the crazy in my new life as an oleh (new immigrant), So, I left and within months found myself sitting before a court of rabbis getting my religious divorce. That was May 2012....more
Sometimes divorce is necessary. Just like mowing the lawn, washing the dishes, changing a dirty diaper…. You get the picture. But we do these things because, in the long run, they’re good for us. You know that with a seriously problematic marriage, divorce is the best option. For the parents. ...more
Interesting word. Means about 15 million things....when you really think about it. It's tricky.Truth as in the god's honest TRUTH. Truth as in full straight on HONESTY. Truth as in your personal driving force. Your BELIEFS.Truth.Truth can be twisted...you change it to make your 'version' of your truth. To make it all ok. To make it all seem like it was a good idea. To make you feel better....more
If you recently became a single mother or if you are pregnant and about to become one, please take the time to read this post. I have been a single parent since The Happy Boy was born and I have to say, I have been really lucky with all of my family and friends support. But for whatever it's worth, here is what I have learned in this journey:...more
The hardest part of a divorce is not the legal part. That's a drop in the bucket.
Getting emotionally divorced. That's the kicker.
It is in trying to detach from all of the anger that can so easily turn into bitterness. Perhaps it is watching your partner make changes that you had been begging him or her to make. Sadness, from feelings of personal failure. Watching your children trying to cope. Fear, from new worries, perhaps financial concerns or just being alone. Confusion, as your friends and family try to be supportive, but their lives go on as normal....more
One thing that has taken me years to learn is to “disengage” from my former spouse—which is harder to do when co-parenting and there has to be some regular form of communication. Especially when dealing with someone who likes to have “control,” and I can only really speak to my own experience of having been married to someone who is product of a cycle of domestic violence, an adult child of an alcoholic, and while we are the masters of our destinies in some ways (I know people who have come from violent households and do not repeat the violence in their own nuclear families), in my ca...more