The Right to Privacy: Teen Sues Mom Over Facebook Harassment

This concerns parental responsibility - What can a (divorced)parent do if his teen is lying about his age on Facebook, saying he is four years older? Does a parent have any recourse? Mother has custody and boys father told her about situation. She said she'd take care of it, but that was a few months ago and it hasn't been changed. Any suggestions?

I am 100% in agreement that parents not only have the right, but the obligation to monitor their children's accounts. However, I cannot see one reason why a parent would EVER think it acceptable let alone necessary to actually write on their children's accounts IN THEIR CHILDREN'S NAMES!!! Seriously? THAT is overstepping the bounds!

There has to be something more to this story. Why isn't he living with mom? Did she still have any parental rights? If not, then why did she have passwords in the first place? Something smells fishy here.

Amy

I'm not sure why this woman would EVER write on her son's wall. I'd never do that. Ever. And if she doesn't have custody or guardianship of him, then there is a reason, and it likely isn't good. I know there have been cases of kids in foster care being harassed by non-custodial parents who aren't supposed to even have any contact with their kids. So this could be a completely reasonable action on his part. She might not have any legal rights at all to be near him. We don't know.

For me, I have my son's FB account and pw and have friended him, but never interact.

Look, as much as I know teens want to just be independant and do whatever and think they can handle it, there are too many creepy people in the world, and too much bullying and cruelty out there to not keep an eye out, as long as the parent isn't the one bullying.

And as for parents not having any rights to look in computers or phones on their property? No way. If I paid for it, and it goes through my ISP account, or wireless account, then I get to see it. (In Canada, I am legally liable for anything surfed on my wireless signal; Including porn, or illegal activities, so even a tenant should expect me to look at whatever, or they can just go get a signal in their own name.)

I tend not to look at surfing histories, etc., but I have no problem saying I should get to if I think my kid is in danger and needs help, and I am the actual guardian who is supposed to be watching the kid.

Me thinks some of these comments are spam? They sound sort of ...eeerily similar. Is there a report button somewhere?

Back on topic - wow. I think you must be right, there is a lot more going on here than there seems to be.

Edit: I see the spammy comments are gone now...

Sitting down with your child and helping them make sound decisions, removing access to email/social media accounts if the child was in danger...sure.

Writing on their FB wall--I can't think of a situation where that would be appropriate. Especially after removing their ability to delete your words.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

First of all, I have to say: I love you, America. I love the fact that 16-year-old can file a complaint concerning his privacy. As far as I know (and I have little knowledge about the law), here it's not possible, a minor can't sue anybody about anything, it has to be his legal guardian. And it's kinda hard if the only guardian is the perpatrator...

Anyway, as a person who just past the stage of being a teen, I have to say that I can't imagine my mother or father sniffing around on my computer, just as I can't imagine them reading my letters. Sure, if I write a public blog or something, they're welcome to read it, just as every other person. That's, after all, the definition of "public". But. But! My emails, my protected tweets, my facebook profile - these are things that I keep to myself and those with whom I want to share them. Not necessarily my parents (my mom doesn't speak English and my father's English is very poor, so they couldn't read many of what I write on Internet anyway, but still). I think it's normal, it's natural, teens don't want their parents to know their secrets. Some things are destined for friends only. After all, there are things parents don't want us to know too. Plus, teens like to complain about their family, school and other things, but they don't want parents to see it, because, well, most of the times they don't mean it really and they know it would hurt their parents. (At least it was like that in my own case. My mom read once my blog, back in the times I was still writing in Polish, she found out about a thing I didn't want her to, because it was painful to me and painful to her. From that moment I started to hide some of my Internet activity.)

I treat every message I write in Internet, whether public or protected, like a letter. I try to write without mistakes (well, it's harder in English, because I am still learning that language; I apologize for every mistake I make), I adress people with respect (in Polish a mark of respect is writing pronouns like "you", "your" etc. in capital letters - "Ty", "Twój", "Ciebie" etc.; I find it interesting that in English the pronoun "I" is capitalized :D), I usually attach some kind of an ending like "regards" or "ciao". I believe that messages in Internet really are letters (or articles - in case of a blog post, for example), some of them are open letters to anyone, some not. I would be revolted if my parents demanded to read my private letters, therefore I would be revolted if they demanded to see my private emails, protected tweets, wall posts on Facebook or my locked livejournal as well.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much, my mom is my friend and my dad is my best buddy :) and I always appreciated their support in anything I do. Probably, if they asked me, I would give them acces to all these protected sites, though they never did. But between asking and demanding there is a great difference, especially in that rebel period of growing up when you want to get away from all kinds of parental control and go your own way :)

I don't mean that parents aren't entitled to care about safety of their teenage children, but I think trust is necessary. It goes both ways, you know. My parents always trusted me and my common sense; they allowed me to do many things, so that I trusted them and never had to hide anything, any plan or will, from them.

That's how it looks like from the other side, the teenage side ;) (Although I am no longer a teen, I've been one not so long ago ;D).

regards,
Amy.

Sounds a little like both, of course minors need to be monitored, it is responsible parenting, which is something it seems the mother may not have done in the past. I don't know why the teen lives with his grandmother, more than likely the mother has before exhibited irresponsible behavior to land the family in this situation.
I think if she is no longer the custodial or legal parent the kid has a case, if not....it is a mother who overstepped her boundaries. Most parents have their child's best interest at heart, some however do suffer from their own "issues" and don't act appropriately.
This is a very sad case actually. My children have accounts, the rules were it was an open account,and I am their friend. We have had no problems because a healthy rule base was established before the account. I do worry about kids who adamantly do not want parents or adults as friends, are they hiding behaviors?
However I do understand some adults can cause problems too.

While I believe parents have the right to monitor computer activity and SHOULD have access to identification and password info...

My own teenage daughter discontinued her Twitter account, when I kept telling her she had to unblock me. At first, her tweets were not private, and this was not an issue. Then out of the blue, she protected her tweets and locked me out.

I explained to her about my rights and hers. And while she has the right to privacy (write in a journal, for gosh sakes!), I have the right to keep her safe, to see who and what her friends are, and to keep a general eye on her, without being too snoopy. (I had not asked for passwords.) After several days, of telling me she was going to unblock me, I finally took her laptop and told her I would review her history.

She was set. off. She said she didn't want the account and deleted it. She claimed she didn't want me to "follow" her. She "claimed" she didn't want my "lame tweets" to go to her phone or enter her stream. This is where I figured out I am much more techy than her... and her b.s. wasn't flying by.

So I let her delete the account. Afterall, what could she possibly want to hide? Hmmm?

I don't believe in posting things or asking questions of their friends. I only want to "see" what they all are really like. But she chose to cancel the account and now wishes she wouldn't have done so.

I would like to believe my children don't do anything that is "bad." But after this experience, it certainly makes me wonder. I was only being a good parent and making sure I knew of my child's actions. We do talk on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean things are not "hidden" from parental view.

This techy world makes it harder and harder for parents to truly know their children. By viewing their regular conversations via Twitter or Facebook and the like, it makes it easier to get a grasp.

lisa

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