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I don’t know about all of you, but I’m tired of reading about gay kids killing themselves. And I don’t just mean the fact they’re doing it.
I mean, of COURSE, I’m tired of it happening at all. It makes me seething mad to think there are kids out there being bullied to the point of killing themselves. Yes, I am tired of the very fact it happens. No doubt.
But, what I’m more tired of seeing is these kids’ faces being plastered all over the internet as though they are some sort of war hero. Even featured on the big screen at Lady Gaga concerts.
Yes, it is important to let the public know that gay kids are killing themselves after being bullied to the point of breaking, I get that and I agree with it. I am not saying these kids should be shuffled off into the shadows without mention or that putting the spotlight on the realities of bullying among kids (gay or straight) is wrong. There are definite consequences to turning a blind eye to bullying, and we’ve all seen it.
But, I think we’ve moved beyond that to a point of actually glamorizing suicide, folks, and that is what scares me. It’s a fine line, admittedly, but there is a line. And I think we’re crossing it. Evidenced by the fact that we have an epidemic of gay teen suicide right now that isn’t getting better despite all the “It gets better” videos (ironic, no?). Why?
Think about it from a kid’s point of view for a minute.
A kid who has been bullied their entire life. Who is told by the entire world on a daily basis that who they are is wrong, immoral, corrupt, and disgusting. A kid who is forced to go to school every single day and deal with emotional, verbal and even physical abuse from bullies. Who is depressed and confused and can’t seem to find a way to look past it all (despite all the videos telling them it gets better). Who has tried to be heard, and not been. A kid who would give absolutely anything to be seen as something other than a misfit. Who would love nothing more than to show the bullies, and the adults who have all but ignored their cries for help, and society in general, that they are somebody. They are worth something. They are special. Even if they don’t quite believe it themselves.
And imagine that kid seeing another kid who was kind of like they are, and who seemed to have dealt with the same things they’re dealing with, and who finally said “f*ck it” and committed suicide. A suicide that was then followed by absolute fame. Inspiring Lady Gaga to sing a tribute, even. Being the topic of conversation all over facebook and the news and youtube and even at the dinner table of millions of homes. Being the driving force behind literally thousands of “It Gets Better” videos by everyone from kids at school to Obama himself.
Are we really sending the right message, here? Do you see how our efforts to help could potentially be backfiring? I do.
And I’m as guilty as anyone, by the way. I’ve posted these stories on my facebook, too.
Because I think those stories do need to be told. I really do. I just think the angle needs to change. The glamorization of teen suicide needs to stop and the focus needs to shift over to the actual issue of bullying. It needs to become less about a kid who killed himself and more about what needs to happen to make these things stop. As in:
“We’ve lost yet another kid to suicide. Find his story here. Now let’s move on, shift the focus, and talk about the legislation in the works to criminalize bullying and make it a hate crime. Let’s talk about zero tolerance in schools and how we’re going to make sure it’s actually in effect and being carried out. Let’s talk about implementing anonymous tip lines for school districts, so victims can report the behavior more easily without fear of retaliation….”
In other words, let’s acknowledge that we’ve lost another kid, pay our respects, and then move on to the issues at hand instead of focusing the entire country’s attention on that kid’s story, repeatedly, until we have effectively made that kid a hero for our cause.
Because these kids are not heroes. They are victims of bullying who, for whatever reason, felt like they couldn’t fight anymore. Like it was time to give up. And they did. That’s not what a hero looks like in my book, guys. It’s tragic and it’s sad and it’s infuriating, yes. But
