Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
Like the song says, “Tequila makes your clothes fall off.” What the song leaves out is that your clothes fall off from the force of convulsing while you vomit.
Me: Ugh…I heaved so hard my bra came unhooked.
Kiefer: You call that heaving? You’re the daintest puker ever.
Me: Awww…you called my puking “dainty.” That’s why I love you.
I hate throwing up. And even more than throwing up, I hate people hearing me throw up. So when Kiefer described my vomiting as “dainty” and “like a kitten hacking up a tiny hairball,” it was like he gave me the Olympic Gold Medal.
That’s right. If puking quietly was a sport, I would win the gold.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve thrown up from drinking:
Jungle juice is stronger than it tastes. Welcome to college.
A milkshake is not an adequate dinner on New Year’s Eve.
Half of a salad is not an adequate dinner before having a few drinks.
Do not try to “drink the rainbow.” Drinking the rainbow = a shot of every color (ROYGBIV).
And now I can add Lesson #5: If you’re going to drink 2.643839261 raspberry margaritas, you need to eat more than chips and salsa.