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I am going to come clean and say that I am a bit of a technology dinosaur, but if I may say so myself, a sexy dinosaur that can manage a decent text even if it is on an unfashionable clunky phone from the pre-I Phone age. Also, during the last year I took a “dating” hiatus and have just now reentered the 40-something dating mix. Which brings me to the point of this post. What is up with texting? And then I will get to the more alarming point, when is it okay for texting to be absent of basic manners or even worse, as replacement for an actual date? I will come to the more horrifying possibilities in a bit.
I am divorced and have also dated a lot in my twenty years post high school. But in the last few years I’ve found it baffling to deal with technology in the realm of burgeoning relationships. While living in New York I was dating a Dutchman. He was crazy, impulsive and funny (at least that’s what I concluded when I got his final break-up TEXT message). It said something like: I can’t do this. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. This text came a few years ago and it was the first of it’s kind in my friendship circle. “He sent you a breakup text? Are you sure it wasn’t a joke?!” These were the usual responses and rightfully so.
Since then I have used text messages to confirm appointments with friends, to give a little nudge to say hello. But nothing has quite prepared me for the use of texting as a replacement for phone calls and good manners in the dating world. They seem to come in all forms now, things like,“Hi Shauna, it was really nice to meet you. Let me know if you are stillinterested in dinner.” Okay, simple enough. But then there are the more challenging for the less agile in the texting department, “How was your trip?” Or, “How is your writing coming?”
Maybe it is petty to say, but last I heard these were the kind of questions that actually require a little more thought that can usually be conveyed via the peck, peck, pecking of a text message one slow letter at a time.
I will leave you with this. I met a very attractive man at a yoga class a few months ago. He was tall, very masculine, slightly intense, nice eyes. We talked for over an hour, exchanged numbers, and decided to have coffee. But something about him seemed a little off in the encounter after the yoga class, so I decided just to wait for the coffee date, cancelled politely and said we could stay in touch. So what happened? You got it, he sent a follow-up text THREE MONTHS later. But now, for my horrifying conclusion: It was a cyber porn text, the equivalent of phone sex but in the form of a text. And he didn’t even know me. You should have heard my friends after that one. But it left me not just baffled but I will admit, a little terrified that I was out ofmy depth.
So please, share any texting stories or illuminating wisdom you can on this subject. It’s a jungle out there on the little cell phone. I would love your thoughts.
