Thank You Betrayal
Life is rather wonderful in that there are some things we CAN count on.
For instance, there is this little delight: if we do not learn a lesson well the first time we then get the chance to have another go at it!
Yay! If we are particularly stubborn or stupid then we get many opportunities.
Betrayal may seem an odd title for a post about gratitude… but there it is, I am finally becoming grateful for betrayal.
Let me back track a little.
Many (ok, many, many) years ago I decided I wanted to learn and achieve two things before I died.
1. I wanted to be a great parent.
Well 5 children certainly give you the opportunity to practice. I had no idea that 30 odd years later I would still be learning and that ‘great parent’ status would still be in the distance. But let’s not go there today.. this blog is about the second one.
2. I wanted to understand about grace and be someone who offered this to others. That would be grace as in the giving of mercy, clemency, overlooking the bad, not doing the eye for an eye thing etc not the hurried furtive bit before dinner.
There is a little saying “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”
Seriously, what was I thinking? How did I think I was going to end up gracious? Wake up with wings one day? Have someone else inhabit my head? Read a book?
No, nothing so simple or easy.
Grace is learned when people are not behaving that well. Stuff like betrayal, unkindness, disdain, anger, abuse and selfishness. Duh! And when I respond with ‘No grace whatsoever’ ie anger, indignation, blame, hatred, revenge etc guess what mountain I get to visit again ?
I have a long, long way to go to learn all I need to about grace so the mountain has (so faithfully!!) come again and this week I have had my trust betrayed , someone has gone back on their word big time.
It has taken a long time but maybe I am actually learning that it is these painful, unfair and rotten situations that are our best and most devoted teachers.
Yes, I ranted and raved for a few hours but I must be growing up because suddenly I recognised in me a pattern that I don’t like. One that is not grace.
True, some adorable petty acts of vengeance have been briefly entertained, (they can appear so charming can’t they?) but I don’t actually have to invite them in to get comfortable at my house. I can shoo them out the door along with their friends. Of course I don’t put myself back in the same position to be abused or betrayed by those same people again.. that would be dumb. I go in with both eyes open… but the guns get packed away.
So that is why my gratitude today is for betrayal. My teacher is back.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.