Thank You Notes: Social Must or Time Suck Bust?

I learned from my mother and later from my first great female employer: a nice gift, a lunch meeting, a stay at a friends house while passing through town. They all require thank you notes, no matter who brief.

This year, my 4 year old's thank yous are a photo of her (hopefully with the guest)from the party and a quick note from us expressing thanks for attending and special relatives get a thank you drawing as well. No big. My 4yo also sits next to me to "remind" me what she received from each guest. She gets that this is important and that is kind of the point.

I notice which new brides look like they xeroxed their thank you stack instead of taking the time to write and I've been known to remind coworkers and employees to just type up a quick email to let someone else know you appreciated their help with a project or job.

It's not passe, it's a small courtesy says a lot about your character.

It is so easy these days to just text "Thank You" or group email it. I know! We are just too rushed and so many other things are more important than writing out "Thank You" notes.. really, who has time for this?
However, anytime we are invited to a birthday party, dinner party, anniversary party... whatever... I always send a cute little thank you note with a hand written message to the host/hostess. This simple gesture shows your really do appreciate them and that you had a great time. In the case of thank you notes for the party...it just shows that you appreciate them coming and celebrating your childs day. You're acknowledging that they too are super busy but it's appreciate they took time from their schedule to celebrate with you. Small gestures go a loooong way! And it's always fun to see a surprise snail mail in your box!
Hope you don't hate me....
-April

Best advice my college kid got: Write thank you notes. If under 40, email will suffice. Over 40, get out the stationary and stamps.

All my kids write notes -- and yes it's often a chore. I got a thank you text from two boys that stayed for the afternoon, saving them from an afternoon of torture soccer and 2 hours in a car. Their mom made them do it, and I love her for it.

Kathy (return to work mom)

http://returntoworkmom.blogspot.com/

I have to confess, I never send thank yous after birthday parties. But I've never received one either.

I do send them for gifts I receive. And I usually notice when I don't receive them after I have given a gift -- because I would like to know that the gift meant something to the recipient.

I also send them after job interviews to thank them for their time.

I love the whole idea of a written thank you. I really do hope it's not another social grace to fall by the wayside. I'm always happy to receive a thank you in the mail. These days it's about the only social correspondance that comes that way.

Not sure how old little dude is but as previously suggested I've had my guys dictate the notes to me. It's kind of cute to write down verbatim what they say, bad grammar and all. Though it's probably more meaningful for family and friends who actually appreciate the humor.
An e-mail thank you would be lost on little dude's friends since again I'm assuming little dude is pretty little and his friends can't read.
My kids think it's fun to get mail and invites and thank you cards make up the bulk of what they get.
Being environmental is always a concern but of course you already admit to having bought the thank you cards so you might as well use 'em. If you want to balance out some planetary paper karma you could try and cancel a few catalogues.
Hmmm. I could use to do that myself.
Joanne

You're right- good points.

These are some of the reasons I started to think about this in the first place. We need to show our thanks, but how to do it simply, eco-friendly, etc.

Y'all are kicking me in the butt! Ok, I know what I am doing tonight...

Thank you. I started thinking about this because I made sure that my son was polite and appreciative at his party, thanking each guest as he opened gifts and again as the guests left. Was thinking I might reserve the written notecards for family members who sent gifts.

Whew- I'm imagining December as a very busy time in your house. But you're right, it is important to acknowledge a person's effort.

Thanking people is a must, and teaching children to be polite is a must, but writing out dozens of cards and sending them via the post? Not a big fan. Especially when simpler, faster, more engaging, less wasteful ways to say "thank you" exist. I think the formality is nice, but unnecessary nowadays.

Yes, the gifts we received via mail from family members are a must for thank you notes- those gifts have to be acknowledged as received & appreciated.

Good point.

Awesome idea. I think I find the whole stack of notecards daunting, so I have a hard time gearing myself up for the whole "process." Way to make a mountain out of a molehill, right?

Lori Twill writes about life, work, motherhood and balance -- and the guilt associated with it all -- at The Guilt Goddess ( http://guiltgoddess.com ).  You can also find her on Twitter @guiltgoddess.

Beautiful point. Perhaps that's why I can't NOT do them.

Lori Twill writes about life, work, motherhood and balance -- and the guilt associated with it all -- at The Guilt Goddess ( http://guiltgoddess.com ).  You can also find her on Twitter @guiltgoddess.

I do. The boys now like to participate. We color a sign that says THANK YOU in colorful letters. I take a picture. I make copies. We send it out with the note, written by me as of this point. We got this idea from a friend with a daughter a few years older than our boys.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

YES!!!!! Ditto what everyone said -- teaching your child to write thank you notes is a good thing. They learn to appreciate what they're given and to show their gratitude. They learn the manners that are necessary in civilized society.

When my girls were in preschool, I wrote the notes as the girls dictated them to me. As they got older, they handled more of the process themselves. Now they are 8 and 10 and they do it all from writing to addressing the envelopes. Both girls have their own boxes of personalized stationery, which has made it a little more fun for them. Also, as the girls have aged, the length of their notes have increased -- from three sentences to a paragraph or two. The girls don't always feel like writing their notes, but I know for a fact that the recipients appreciate them.

As for emailing thank yous, I allow it for some things, such as when their grandmother sends them packs of SillyBandz just because. For birthdays and Christmas, when the girls are larger and more thought/effort/money was involved, I insist on written notes.

Both my girls have their birthdays in the two weeks before Christmas, which makes the December thank you note-writing a little daunting... But I feel it's so important to formally acknowledge gifts/thought/effort. I want them to understand this, so I make them participate to their best of their abilities. Last year the 6-year-old wrote her own notes (with my help) and the 3-year-old "decorated" the white space in the thank you notes.
I write about balancing career, fun, food and daydreaming at http://workplayeatdream.blogspot.com.

People spent time and money on your kid, so the least you can do is write a few sentences to say thanks. Thank you notes are an absolute must.

I send thank you notes generally on my daughters behalf because she's only 3 and doesn't have the ability (yet) to remember to say "thank you" all of the time.

I recently sent a gift card in the mail to a friend for her birthday. I never heard a peep from her. I then emailed her (several weeks after the fact) and said "...by the way, did you get the gift card I mailed you for your birthday?" Her reply, "yes, I just haven't gotten around to buying thank you cards and stamps". No email acknowledging receipt, no phone call with a thank you, didn't even say thank you when I asked her. That hurt my feelings. So, I think thank you's either handwritten, typed or verbal are always a must. I don't see a reason to follow-up a verbal thank you with a thank you note unless you want the person to know how extremely appreciative you are.

A Southern girl born and bred I say yes to Thank You notes. I do notice when I receive a thank you not and when I do not. I might not say anything & it doesn't necessarily change my giving habits.

My son has been "writing" them since he was old enough to hold a crayon. They started out as crayon scribbles for his signature. Now he writes his name and Thank You on the cards. I fill in the rest. It doesn't take much time either.

I want Charlie to know that a gift is exactly that - a gift, something that didn't have to be given. It should always be appreciated for the thought behind it. I want him to know about curtesy and manners as well.

Also, in the business world, a thank you note can help you get a job, a contract, raise, etc. Little things like that are noticed.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

I don't understand how it could ever be OK to not say "thank you " for a gift. However, in the interests of saving the planet, you and your child could design a nice e-mail version and send it out. I'm sure no one would mind.

I appreciate thank you notes. They are an antidote to this malaise of entitlement that seems to be so widespread. No one is entitled to a gift, even if it is a small gesture done last minute. It is a gift. It cost someone time and money to give it to me. It was an effort they didn't have to make, a thought they didn't have to have.

I've experienced the decline in thank-you notes -- even from people to whom I have given substantial wedding gifts. It just seems like one more way we are losing ways to exist with politeness between us as people. I do treasure moments of courtesy -- of saying thank you when someone holds open a door, of writing a quick thank you card for a gift, of acknowledging acts of kindness or generosity in a world growing increasingly less kind.

/sermonette

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )