Thankful to Be Thinner
While traveling recently, I set aside time to see three old friends. Two of them I have seen in the past few years and they've seen my weight go up and down and up and down - all with the ebb and flow of my life. The third one hasn't seen me for over a decade or two when I was at a thinner stage.
I have got to tell you that it is so much nicer to travel and visit friends when I don't feel like an obese whale. I feel like myself. I'm not super slender or fit, but I feel like my body matches me (with some give and take). When I approached my third friend, she said, "Ohhh you look the same!"
I don't actually look the same. I have wrinkles and all the changes that come with age. I'm also probably twenty pounds heavier than when I saw her, but I exuded the sameness and I looked pretty much the same, minus the normal changes that happen in life. It's SO nice not being the weight I was last year.
It was also nice putting on shorts and t-shirts and packing my clothes for the trip. I didn't have to fret about what wouldn't look too bad. Instead I just packed things I liked wearing. I'm certainly no beauty fashion queen, but I felt like one in clothes that matched my personality.
Losing that initial chunk of weight was really hard. It scares me that I could easily gain and go back to that space. I sure hope not because I really wasn't happy and I really was filled with shame. I'm thankful for the ways we're eating these days and how it feels in my body and in my psyche. I'm thankful that last year happened as it did and that I was granted the time in my life to invest the energy in losing weight.