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Let’s face it, holidays just bring out the worst in some of us. Instead of being grateful we have a job, food on the table, our health, children that might actually graduate from high school (maybe even college if we keep our fingers crossed), a partner that doesn’t beat us and isn’t in jail, we still find a way to ruin a perfectly good Thanksgiving. Take this family for example...
Two parents, children of immigrants, who scrimp and save to ensure their children can have a better life than they. The abiding rule in the household? Family comes first. And it does. Every holiday, and most Sundays, is spent together in a ritual of laughing, squabbling, eating, and general togetherness. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents are all part of the fun. It’s an Italian Norman Rockwell.
Until it isn’t. The children grow up. The favored son moves across the country to find his fortune. The sisters marry men who will never measure up. The out-laws aren’t even good enough to be considered in-laws. Of course, one could argue no one is good enough for these children. The out-laws go in to business together. At first, all is swell. The economy is booming, the business is thriving, family traditions continue. Then the economy tanks, the business stumbles, and suddenly it is World War Three. This brother-out-law isn’t talking to that brother-out-law. This sister can barely stay cordial to that sister. Even the grandkids are recruited into the fray. What once was a family known for its togetherness can’t even tolerate each other. Thanksgiving? Everyone just stays home. Lamentable behavior from family whose abiding rule was family comes first.
I wish I could say this one was family’s story but in the last few weeks I have heard any number of variations on the theme. Brothers who refuse to reconcile. Aunts who deplore each other’s company. Grandchildren so unruly the grandparents are forced to just say no. What happened to the concept of forgiveness? What happened to family comes first?
With unemployment at an all time high, home foreclosures continuing to rise, and one life-threatening flu or another looming on the horizon, it is hard not to feel besieged. We have suffered nearly a decade now of strain and strife. September 11th rocked our sense of supremacy. Iran and Afghanistan continue to rock our sense of certitude. And the final shock, the implosion not of buildings and planes but of our checkbooks and bank accounts, has left us bereft and angry. Whom then can we turn to for succor? Whom then will be there for us when all else seems to threaten our sense of security?
Time now to pause. Time now to forgo those petty hinderances and open our hearts. Time now to recognize we need each other more than ever. Time now to look at our circle of family and friends, to reach out, pull them close, and give thanks.
* Elinor from Barton Cottage reminds us of the beauty of life by quoting Whitman: “wherever life and force are manifested, beauty is manifested.”
* Eileen Smith is going home for Thanksgiving
* Carolyn Howard-Johnson reminds us there are those who can't and offers suggestions on how to support the troops this Thanksgiving.
May yours be blessed with the bounty of family and friends.
