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I am 62, divorced, basically without living relatives, endlessly curious, spiritually imaginative and always embarking on one sort of journey or anot...
 
 
 
 

The Thank-You Note: Is It Still Needed?

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The thank-you note -- is it an artifact or can it find its place in the contemporary universe? Back "in the day" thank-you notes were sent fairly often after a gift was given. Even if it felt like a chore to the sender to find a way to write an appropriate thank-you, it could feel lovely for the recipient to know that their gift was appreciated, and that the giftee had taken the time to write a note. It never had to be a letter -- just a note would suffice.

It strikes me that a thank-you note is a spiritual act -- it says "I am not living as though I was owed this gift. I appreciate that you went to an effort for my sake."

Kate Spade Thank You NotesWriting thank-yous also puts us in the position of having an extended moment of gratitude. OK, the Mom who bought your kid a big plastic helicopter may not have spent hours looking for just the right gift. But she did do something, and she spent something. It took time, buying, wrapping, giving. And Jimmy or Sally can learn much from you as you show them how to write a thank-you to that Mommy's child.

Susan at Momlife Today when asked why children should be taught to write thank you notes says:

It is a character trait. Thank you notes teach us to honor and appreciate others. They serve to keep us from taking others for granted. They help to protect our kids from an ever encroaching sense of entitlement...Yes your kids will complain. That’s their job! But do it anyway. You are training them in thoughtfulness and respect-2 crucial character traits they will need for life.

Of course thank-yous are not all hand-written today. The burgeoning social media provides any number of options and any number of e-cards that can be personalized. I even subscribe to a few of them, my favorite these days being RubberChicken.com.

But there are many more to which one may subscribe -- Flavia.com which has a nice, soft, more serious look, and the all-purpose cards at JacquiLawson.com, or the site for dog and/or cat lovers, Sloppy Kiss Cards. But there are also a plethora of free cards that can be emailed -- at Hallmark.com,for example.

The medium may not be as important as the message when it comes to thanks, but as I read blog after blog about sending thank-you cards, here is what I found out:


1. Even though so much has changed in the world of communications, the hand written thank-you still has its fans.

Dumbwit Telher has a very intelligent thing to say about her feelings regarding thank-you notes:

My real sadness lies in the declining health, if not demise, of said thank you note. The good old-fashioned, pen to paper, cursive letters with their loops and flow; f’s and g’s from you to me and so on. A thank you is a written representation of a person taking time out of their day to put thoughts onto paper expressing their gratitude. It is knowing that the composer had to slow-down long enough to think about your generosity, large or small, and articulate appreciation.

Marie in her blog, Improving on the Silence discusses a friend who writes frequent lovely thank-you notes and how she was inspired by her to start writing them herself. She says, by way of encouragement to her readership:

It doesn’t have to be long or fancy or effusive...it just needs to come from your heart. Oh, and it needs to be written–on paper–with a pen, or a crayon or a marker–but written, put in an envelope, addressed and delivered. Whether you choose to mail it, deliver it by courier or send it via carrier pigeon, it matters not. E-mail, fax or text message just doesn’t cut it for this. It really needs to be tangible, put your hands on it, notepaper and pen to be a real thank-you note.

Miss Communications (gotta love that handle) at her blog of the same name, gives a full run through of the etiquette of the thank you note and concludes:

In the long run, the issue of whether to hand-write or type a thank you note is much less important than the questions of whether to send them, and when. And the answers are please do, and

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ModaMama 5 pts

When I sat to think of daily thank yous, I was overwhelmed by all the little notes I really want to finish this February. I'm just getting into the swing of it. Again, great challenge, thanks.

http://sarainakko.blogspot.com/2011/02/month-of-be... ( http://sarainakko.blogspot.com/2011/02/month-of-be... )

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

Mata H 5 pts

Good ideas. From my perspective, I'd rather get that card late than not at all...I am sure the recipients will be delighted when you send them.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

You are so right -- the heart always shines through when it is present.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

It is important to acknowledge a gift, I agree. And after you have made something, it is even harder to just be met with silence. You are right that it does mean a lot.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Those "I love you just because" cards are really great both to send and to get....thanks for your comment!
Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

SeattleMoon 5 pts

Thank you for writing this post!

I don't remember well, but I think it is definitely my mother who instilled in me that I should write thank you letters.

I have done it in the past years. But after the last Christmas I did not do it, and it has been bothering me. The tip to not use what you received until you write a thank you note is a good one. I think I will take it up and also write the thank you notes for last Christmas however belated they have become.

Mata H 5 pts

That is a great point -- when a present is sent, to not get a thank-you note means that you are left out in the cold about whether or not it got there! YIKES!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

It is so important to teach our kids that this is a fun thing to do...Good for you for finding a resource that helps!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

It has become somewhat of a lost art, but from all the comments this article has gotten, I can see it is alive and thriving in many places!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Yes, I find it simpler when I have blank cards on hand. It is so much easier that way to not let the note land in the "gotta rememebr to do this" file in my brain. Good for you for teaching your family to do this as well!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

You are soo right -- it only takes a minute...and it feels so wonderful to actually GET that note, too!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Great! I'll check in with your blog, too!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

klucas8048 5 pts

"Thank you" for addressing a question that I have often pondered. I was brought up to believe that sending a little note of appreciation was a gesture in kind. Many times I would sit down immediately upon returning home from dinner at a friends house or a weekend stay with family -- grab my box of cards and choose the perfect one. I did this while the memory of detail was fresh and I could best capture my message.

I taught my children to do the same. It only takes a minute to let someone know you are grateful for their act of kindness and that moment spent could mean the world to the receiver.

Sadly, this seems to be a tradition that is fading. People are more apt to send a quick text message or tweet. At least they are taking a second to say "thank you" but why not take a few minutes and put your heart into it? That is where the true value is!

jennyfrost@verizon.net 5 pts

I think it matters less whether it is a hand-written note or an email, but it is important to take a moment to express gratitude that someone has done something nice or gifted something. I make a lot of gifts for people and it means a lot to know that they have received the gift and appreciate it. Certainly having to call to see if something was received is doubly disappointing.

krysocolla 5 pts

I'm more than grateful that my mom instilled in me and my sister that if someone thinks of you with a gift, you thank them with a note. I still write the notes but sometimes they are emails instead of the written note. I leave the written note for the times during the year I send my friends and family notes of thanks for our friendship and how blessed I am to know them.

Great post!

Live Life Beautifully!

TheLazyChristian 5 pts

When I was younger, it was driven into my psyche that thank-you notes were essential to good manners. I still write them faithfully, and I make sure to do it before I cash the check or use the gift. I keep really cute stationary on hand so that I actually want to write the thank-you notes. It helps that I *heart* snazzy stationary.

The funny thing is that I had to call my parents in January to see if they even got the Christmas present I sent. The very people who wouldn't let me get by without writing notes all those years! Jeepers. Especially now that I live out of state and I mail gifts, I'd like to at least know that it got there.

Check me out at The Lazy Christian ( http://www.thelazychristian.com/ )!

The Mrs 6 pts

There's a great early readers book called The Party from the 50s that's about Susan and John, who go to Anne's birthday party, and it closes with Susan and John writing thank you cards to Anne, thanking her for such a lovely party.

I LOVE this book, and so does Miss. I try very hard to write thank you cards (like you say, not always easy to write when you have to come up with 50), and I hope (with the help of Susan and John) to teach Miss and Jr and any other future kidlets of mine that a sincere thank you when someone does something for you is a must.

The Mrs ( http://www.themrs.ca ) seems to be blogging a lot about books, kids, food, food failure, and eyeball surgery.

MargaretPage 5 pts

I love this : "To make myself write thank you notes, I require that I must send the thank you before I can use the item." That is a great way to remember to get that note in the mail within a day or two!

I get asked all the time about what to put IN the note. How fancy? How long? What to say...

I posted a blog yesterday that outlines the "4 components..." of a great thank you card.

I write a lot of thank you cards -- for gifts I receive, for personal and for business and I think it's definitely a lost act for some. Great reminder in your post!

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

The acknowlegement of a gift or a kindness is affirming. I am a big thank you note writer both handwritten and via email. I collect blank cards from many sources and find them handy to write thank you notes, congratulations, and birthday greetings.
I made my children write thank you notes when they were growing up and my daughter has continued the tradition.
I write a lot of thank you notes in my professional life as well - separately from final reports. I almost always send a hand-written note, thanking the person for hiring me.
Thank you for writing this post.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

Randa 5 pts

i'm a huge fan of the thank you note, both when I give and receive. Like you said, even if the person didn't spend a lot of time or thought when the help you/give you a present/etc., you should give them the same respect and write them a note. It literally takes minutes and it can be very fun to do!

I've seen some people who have "gratitude journals" where they write a "thank you" everyday! I've been thinking about doing that but haven't started. I'll have to start soon.

Sincerely,

Randa from About Life* ( http://aboutlifestar.blogspot.com/ )

ModaMama 5 pts

I agree on every count that getting back to basics of thankfulness is good all around. I'm in for a month of thank you notes to the best of my blogger abilities. Great idea.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice