There, alright? I did it. I left the house.

This morning I ate about a half a watermelon for breakfast. They’re packed with Vitamin C and lots of water. I hear Vitamin C is good for hangovers and that's good because I’m nursing one. Not really the drinker, I haven’t had a hangover in a near a decade. Watermelon is a fair consolation prize; Mommy’s now in her 30s and she is in no way shleppin’ the kids to the closest gas station to pick up a Gatorade.

Yeah, I went out to a friend’s house yesterday where wine was opened and girl talk was plentiful and my caregiver worries and frustrations were tossed aside. It was long overdue.

It felt nice and reminded me of how, when you’re caregiving, sometimes the days  and weeks can melt into each other. It takes too long to reach out to others sometimes. Last night, I remembered how becoming a caregiver can become a symbiotic relationship with isolation.

It’s true, I have become my own island. It’s comfortable where I am. I don’t push my boundaries. I roll up my sleeves and do what needs to be done. I crash on the couch far too often when I sit for a second to stop moving.

But I am lonely. It sucks. I watch other’s people’s lives happen. I see the fun that’s out there on my friends’ Facebook posts: shows that they’re playing, fun in the park, fun at the beach. It seems sometimes like I am window-shopping for the life I hope to have back one day.

And I do it to myself. I've watched myself. I am so used to taking care of every little thing that comes my way that I get stubborn-stupid at moments.  Sometimes, I refuse simple things like someone holding the door for me despite the fact that I have a stroller-and-the preschooler-and-the-mother-with-a-walker in my entourage. A stranger means no harm when they make an offer to hold a door for us. Oftentimes, I refuse, which I know, deep-down, is utterly silly. But, I am so used to trying to be Superwoman that I forget the ease that a well-meaning stranger could provide. Silly, isn't it?

That’s where my frustrations lie as a caregiver, me and the rest of us on Caregiver Island. In the meantime, one more ‘caregiver advice’ blog post popped up to the surface somewhere between this post and my last post. So, here’s one more. (http://www.imperialvalleynews.com/index.php/news/health/10264-caregiver-...) Don’t forget to stay positive. I'm trying my best over here.

love,

Bottles, Walkers & Crayons

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