There is no balance, just a balancing act.
I wish someone had told me, you are going to have the same problems once you have kids, you are going to feel unfulfilled, you are going to feel lost, you are going to suffer.
I wish someone had told me, you are going to feel that you have failed, but you’ll be wrong. I wish someone had told me, you’re going to get through, you are stronger than you seem, your faults, your fears, are only one part of you.
I wish I had known how important it would be to take more pictures. To step into the frame. To lose the fear of being caught in time by the camera as less than I had planned.
I wish someone could have told me I am more beautiful than I believe, and to believe them when they say it.
I wish someone had warned me you’re going to take your kids for granted because that's just the nature of being. We are granted so much, and it is so, so easy to just take it and run wild, without so much as a thanks, or a what-if, or a just wait.
I wish someone had said: Your children will not complete you. You must complete yourself. Those potholes in your heart will still be there, but you’ll have a better reason to buckle up.
Stop worrying if you are enough. The idea that happiness can be monetized, and marketed, and mailed home is a myth. Joy is fleeting, and all you can do is drink it all in, again and again, a little more, and swell up, maybe spill over a bit, until you almost can't take another sip. Get drunk on love, and nothing else. It’s going to be gone in an instant.
Turn off your computer, your TV, your misery, and run around outside. Even if it’s raining. Even if there’s snow. Even if you don’t look the part, because the role you’re playing appears in only one act, and you are the one everyone’s been waiting for. You are missing the best part.
There is no balance. Only a swaying back and forth that looks like some people have the trick figured out. We teeter as only good performers can, knowing so well what's down there, how high and tight the ropes are holding us, and what a lucky coincidence all thiscoordination to take another step.
This post originally appeared on my blog on May 18, 2012, and is protected under a Creative Commons License. If you'd like to contact me, or have questions about sharing this article, please review my Frequently Asked Questions page, or contact me via email bruteandbird[at]gmail[dot]com.