Is There Someone You Need to Forgive?

Wilma - I liked a passage from the Mayo clinic article I linked to above, that might resonate with your daughter: "Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other,
positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act."

Candelaria and avflox - I'm glad you enjoyed the post  (:

Maria - Thank you for sharing another powerful post.

I love this. There is someone I would like to forgive and apologize to at once, but I can't right now and I can't quite comprehend why. Time... time will do what it does.

Thank you for this.

I forgot to add another powerful post on self forgiveness - Forgiveness where it belongs: ( http://gracedavis.typepad.com/i_am_dr_lauras_worst... )

I have a message for you, dear ones. It's radical and some people who have not been through what we suffered as children may not appreciate it. Indeed, they may be angry at me in sharing this truth with you, something that I believe with all of my heart, mind and soul:

My message: You don't have to forgive your perpetrator.

And: Forgiving your abuser is not necessary to achieve healing.

Forgiving those who criminally damaged and ravaged us is optional in moving on and living a fulfilling life.

If there is forgiveness to be offered, extend it to yourself.

I think Grace's message is important to hear because, as healing as forgiveness can be, I think sometimes the emphasis (not your post, Britt, but in general) can make people feel guilty if they choose not to forgive and that should be a choice people should be free to make on their own terms.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles )
PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer )
Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

This is a lovely post.  Thanks, Maria, for linking to my post "I Apologize to Myself."  I also wrote a post "I Apologize to Others."

I have learned to forgive most others and I have learned to forgive myself.  There's only one person that I still have not been able to forgive but I don't think about the pain she caused every day any more (I did for about 1 1/2 years) and I don't plan revenge any more.

Getting ride of baggaged that weighs you down and takes up psychic and emotional room is so important. 

Thanks, again, for this post.

http://blog.candelarisilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

I talked about forgiveness with my daughter the other day and she said she had trouble understanding forgiveness as she could not seperate forgiving from saying what the other person did, didn't matter. 
I liked talking to her about it as it will help her and me to really understand what forgiveness entails and it certainly doesn't mean denying or condoning.
Sometimes we take these words for granted without really knowing how to do it or how to deal with all these things that the mind can come up when we consider these nobel deeds.

And it is worthwhile learning about these things because once you can do them, they do add a lot to your life.  

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com ( http://www.wilmasblog.com/ )

Maria - Thank you for the link to Candelaria's lovely post.

Diane - It's amazing isn't it the wisdom getting older can bring? 

Mata - I *love* that quote. Thank you. I'll share it with others.

Catherine -  Thanks for sharing the links to your posts.  I wish I could have linked to them, and Candelaria's in my post.

 Baya - Well said.  You definitely feel lighter when you aren't carrying anger around.

When you forgive,  you carry around less worry and anxiety.  You feel an inner piece, a cleansing of the soul.  A new day has begun and your heart is soaring.

Baya

www.heartofjewels.blogspot.com

When I first started blogging in 2007 I wrote two posts on this topic...

How To Forgive:  Five Steps To Forgiveness ( http://www.catherine-morgan.com/2007/09/21/how-to-... )

and

Three Steps To Letting Go Of Anger ( http://www.catherine-morgan.com/2007/10/26/three-s... )

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
at Catherine-Morgan.com ( http://catherine-morgan.com/ ) and Women4Hope ( http://women4hope.wordpress.com/ )

"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a better past."

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

This post is a really good reminder that sometimes forgivness isn't just about our relationships with other people, but also our relationship with ourselves.

As I get older I find it easier to forgive perceived wrongs. It not only strengths my faith, but makes me have peace within myself. 

Diane

lost 150 pounds and talks about it at:

www.fittothefinish.com/blog ( http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog )

Thanks for this thoughtful post, Britt, with great resources.

Something I am learning is that part of the process of learning how to forgive is learning how to forgive yourself. Candelaria Silva wrote an amazing post ( http://www.blogher.com/i-apologize-myself ) here at BlogHer last year that I often revisit to remind myself how to work on self forgiveness.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles )
PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer )
Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )