... I know that with new food bloggers, I often share some of the many tacit "rules" of food blogging. 

Alanna Kellogg
Kitchen Parade &
A Veggie Venture

I don't have kids and I'm not a mommyblogger. I read blogs written by mommies, I comment on them, I connect with them on twitter.

Think of a sports team - the athletes themselves are not the whole community. There are also coaches, therapists, doctors, fans, Pr and marketing people, the owner, everyone who works at the stadium, and so on. They are all part of the same community even though they all don't know one another. That's kind of how I think about online communities.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

As a mom stuck in the endless cycle of groundhog day, I started blogging to express that frustration and ultimately try to escape it by using my brain again and talking about topics OTHER than diapers. What caught me off guard was the enormous and very welcoming community out there for mom (and other) bloggers. And I am so grateful for it. I agree with Deb on the rocks - how can you grow or learn without opening yourself to a community? And you certainly said it best.

"If you have something to say and want to be a part of the mom blogging community, then you are more than welcome to become a part of it. Just become a part of it.  There aren't even any dues!"

Thanks for the welcome - great post!

Caroline

http://morningsidemom.wordpress.com/

I have found the mommy blogging community to be very welcoming and open. I've only just started my blog about a month ago, and I immediately jumped in and started commenting on a daily basis on other mommy blogs that I loved.

I've made some fast friends, participated in some wonderful intelligent conversation, and learned a lot about being a mother. I have four children, ages 6 months to 15 years, and I'm still learning. It is wonderful to grow yourself, and to help others to grow too in the loving respectful group that this is.

My Blog: Your Impact matters
http://www.yourimpactmatters.com

My sister has not blogged, but has been on boards for years that have led to some very strong friendships.  I have always been a bit envious--she is a SAHM, with time to interface with other SAHMs--on-line and in-person.  I am a out-of-the-house mom, with few opportunities to make friends because of the kind of work I do.  I started my blog (my sister is supposed to be contributing, but she's a slacker) in part to find a sense of community and in part to get all the stuff in my head out of it.  I am glad to find this site and look forward to exploring it.   

Queen1

www.whenwearequeen.squarespace.com

If you don't interact with other people you aren't in the community. Even if you are in their public eye, without interaction you are just an entertainment. Maybe that's all some people want out of blogging: to be recognized, read, quoted, influential. That's certainly what drives people in other areas. But it doesn't make you part of the community. Same is true for those who are onlookers. I know that some people are just shy so they don't ever want to expose themselves to judgement. But if they want to be part of the community they have to offer something of themselves.

Maybe I just flatter myself to think that I'm a part of the mommy-blogging community. Maybe I'm just an entertainment and I don't know it. But I've never felt that from anyone. I offer myself up, and I participate, and I've felt welcomed by just about everyone I've interacted with.

http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com

How can you be a part of when  you shut yourself off?  That part baffles me. 

Of course you are a part of the mom blogger community. Why?  You engage people, you comment, you get involved.  You have made yourself a part of rather than standing apart from.

There are so many things in your comment that I want to address but I will let other readers do so.

~Jennifer Satterwhite~

Personal blog: Mommy Needs Coffee

...what defines being a part of a blogging community?

-On the most basic level, I see it as a group that interacts in a particular environment. As a "mommy/ parenting blogger", I see it as being a part of a group of parents who interact primarily on their blog platforms (but also in person given the occasion).

...What makes you a part of a community?

- Interacting (to some degree) with other members of the community. That can be done in a variety of ways -- commenting on other blogs; referring your readers to other blogs and/or interesting posts on other blogs, taking part in carnivals and such, etc.

...in order to be a part of a community, do you have to participate in that community or just claim to be a part of it?

-Interaction is one of the defining elements of a community, so in my opinion, you must participate in SOME way. However, I think that it's up to the individual blogger to determine HOW they participate. Not everyone wants (or needs) to jump on the "twitter" train; have a blogroll; participate in every carnival/meme (sp?)/conference/ blog thing of the moment.

Those are my thoughts.

Kimberly/Mom in the City

... supported in a community. And mostly, I am (ESPECIALLY from you!)

But there are times that I feel the negatives -- but there are negatives in any community. So I struggle to find a way to take the good and the bad together. I want to not worry about stats & blog competition, not worry about readers and focus on connecting with people.

PunditMom, BlogHer Contributing Editor for Politics & News

Years before I began blogging I was a member of an Expecting Club on Ivillage that soon became a playgroup.  I have made some truely amazing friendships from that community.  I also learned a HUGE lesson, you get what you give.  I took that lesson with me when I became a blogger. 

Any community you belong too you get back what you give.  If you offer support for others you will get support in return.  If you are nasty and mean then you get nasty and mean back.  

Jess Mom to Thing 1 and Thing 2 CEO of Knight INC.

i do think there are rules.  like backpacking dad, i think that you can ONLY truly be considered a part of a community (of anything) if you participate in it.  community consists of interaction.  back and forth.  igniting a conversation, but also participating in it.  

there is community in blogland. all kinds of them. and you don't have to fit into just one.  you can be part of many.  and that's okay. i think the key to any community is interaction. you read blogs. you write on your blog. you comment, email, call others.  i think that's pretty much all it takes.  

i think having a blog and choosing to be part of its community is like taking on a group of friends.  it's what you'd do with any of your friends in real life.  you would talk to them....  you'd email them.. you'd console them when they needed it, and you'd fiercely defend them when you think they deserve it.  i was witness of that this week and couldn't be more thankful for it.  

my thoughts are really jumbled since i'm in LA right now.. so i can't form cohesive thoughts, but i wanted to comment and say SOMETHING on this.  no matter how unawesome it all came out.  :)

http://jennnster.blogspot.com 

I am a mom, but I am part of the beauty blog community.

Community to me is not only writing a blog that belongs in that niche, but being supportive to your other beauty bloggers with advice, help, link backs, comments, emails, phone calls and genuinely and sincerely doing for the good of the community without an agenda.

I've been a beauty blogger for 3 years and the thing I love best is the behind the scenes action of my community--meeting up at events, all going to dinner, chatting with each other--the stuff people on the outside can't see.

I still pay attention to mom blogs and occassionally will comment, although in an odd way, although I am a mom, many mom bloggers don't interact with me. Except on Twitter where they'll hear me tweet about anything from lipgloss to my son cleaning my toilet with my makeup brushes. (Thanks for following me Jenn!)

But to your point, I don't think you can say you are a part of a community when you don't support the people in it. 

 ~Shannon

A Girl's Gotta Spa!

Makeup Minute

For a long time I was a blog reader, a lurker. I wasn't sure anyone would care what I had to say, and was actually embarrassed to comment on posts. It took almost two years of thinking about it before I got the confidence to start my own blog. The minute I did, I understood how it felt to be on the other side - the one getting the comments and feedback. It felt fantastic. The community aspect of blogging was a revelation to me. A very welcome one.

I quickly realized I should have started interacting a long time ago and I've made to do so as much as I can since. I've made so many new friends in just 5 months and I love this community. A community it is, although it's definitely not limited to mommy bloggers. (Many of the bloggers I love are not moms, and I actually consider myself a life blogger. Being a mom does not define me.) All communities have their conflicts and this one is no different. I just do my best to stay away from negativity.

I hope anyone who isn't participating in the community out of fear or embarrassment will give it a try. Putting yourself out there is totally worth what you get back in support.

Thanks so much for this post Jenn.

http://catnipandcoffee.com/

My "mommy blog" accepts any and all non-spam comments. Even on controversial issues, few of which I've posted since moving domains. It's just the way it goes.

However, my personal adoption blog is currently not accepting comments. Do you know why? I was attacked. My daughter's mother was attacked. My mothering was attacked. My HUSBAND was attacked. (What the heck did he do?!) My children were attacked. In fact, the whole ordeal left me so completely turned upside down that I deleted the Chronicles for about nine days. 

I can't take comments there right now. I'm TIRED of being told that I am of no use to my daughter. I'm TIRED of being called names like slut, whore and so on. I'm TIRED of defending something that happened to me and trying to make the best of it. I'm TIRED of it all. But I keep writing because it's what I need to do to heal. 

So, no, despite what Deb on the Rocks said, I won't allow comments right now and I won't apologize for it. I still participate in the adoption blogosphere but, right now, I need my own room to heal. And if people don't want to allow for that, they can click the back button. No one is forcing anyone to read my blog(s). 

Jenna, aka FireMom from Stop, Drop and Blog

Also covering the birth parent perspective at the Birth Parent Blog on AdoptionBlogs.com and, on a personal level, at The Chronicles of Munchkin Land.

Jenna,

I just spent an hour reading through some of your current posts and then going back to the beginning. You are part of a community even with your comments off. By being active in forums and commenting on other blogs, you are doing something important--participating. So don't beat yourself up over protecting you and your family from people who have nothing better to do than to beat you down. You have a story to tell and by sharing your experience and participating in the world of motherhood, you are indeed part of the community.

~Shannon

A Girl's Gotta Spa!

Makeup Minute

Thankfully, they are few and far between.  My mother always taught me, "If you want a friend, be a friend."  I think the same rings true for the blogging community. The thing that gets me is that the people who complain about not being part if the community don't try to be a part of the community!  They don't post on other blogs, and there seems to be an invisible line between those they consider worthy and themselves. They really are missing out by not just jumping in. 

The Blogosphere is just a big ol' conversation about everything!  And twitter, another great place for community, is the same.  Don't worry about horning in, or interrupting, say what you want to say! Forget what your mother said about butting in, because that is how twitter works. It's a giant party.   With whatever you say though,  try to ensure it is constructive and kind.  Or that at least your snarkiness will make the person laugh.  Because? Life is too short to slam other people, seriously.  And, it will come back on you.

Someone else said it: but you get out of the community what you put in to it. Jenn, this is a great discussion.

T.

personal blog:

Send Chocolate 

Although I'm not a mother, I do consider myself part of the mommyblogging community.  I read and comment on blogs written by mothers, but more than that I feel I want to say that no writer has ever resonded to me, saying, "You don't belong here" because I don't have kids.  The community welcomes women and men, regardless of their status as parents or parents-to-be.

I feel really blessed to know so many fantastic women and moms...it'll be such an amazing advantage to have you all in my back pocket when I do have kids!

Assertagirl 

I love this. And one reason is because I actually think that what you and many commenting here have said was a portion of what was said when I had the terribe stuff last week.

I guess that part of what I was asking really was about people feeling that they are part of a community. And, when I used the analysis that I felt like the kid across the lunchroom that was being ignored, some people acted as if they didn' t undersstand that this kind of behavior takes place. And, with that, that behavior may not have been an actual conscious behavior but more that I (the kid onthe other side of the luncroom) tried to interact with certain bloggers and when they didn't in turn interact with me (and I came to understand that someone with even 50 comments per post like I had just simply doesn't have time), I felt slighted, as if I didn't belong in this community.

After I read some more posts on this subject last night and re-read my own posts, comments and emails on this subject, I still believe that no matter what people say, women are simply a different creature from men. As if you didn't know that? What I'm saying is, again, something I said before but couldn't find to quote...that's because I had used this quote on my daycare site when a problem came up several weeks ago. Here's the quote

You know, research says that women, in general, have a tendency to do
this. And maybe that's part of what is going on here. It is the bare
fact that 90% of the people in and out of a daycare on a daily basis
are women. The teachers are generally women, the drop off or pick up
parents is almost always a woman. A Woman? The gender that will turn
on their friend instead of defending her, while her male counterpart
will bow up and defend defend defend...defend until the end!! Maybe this is why women weren't allowed to fight in war for so many years...just maybe......

Please don't make me find the research. This is really a simple concept and we must learn to accept it and quit fighting it.

Here's a few other fleeting thoughts or quotes that I would like to say HERE HERE TO:

"I sort of feel like the kid who transfers
into a new school during the 5th grade and all the friends have known
each other forever" and "but you know what? the kids at this school RAWKKK"

I can't say that the part in bold has always held true for me, but last week, I honestly feel like out of the 100 or so people who either commented or emailed me, I was only left with a bad taste in my mouth from 3 bloggers...3, that's not very many in the grand scheme of things. So, yea, it rocks.

And, after much reading today, I realize that I have a community, if you follow my twitter, you see that I comment to a few people that are not part of this community that is basically known as 'the blogher community' but they are parents. Most of them are people that I grew to know through my first online writings at preconception.com others simply commented on my blog, I commented back, and an online friendship began. Then through reading their blogs and following some of their links, I found more friends. So, while I can say that I've never really felt like I was part of 'the blogher communinty' (you can see I've been a member for over 2 years, yet I say I didn't feel like I belonged), I've never participated, commented on, chatted with, twittered with, emailed with most of the folks here.........folks in my other "little community", most definitely, they are my friends, they are my community and I'm doing my best to make more friends, be included in this community and that responsibility lies within me. I have to take the initiative, I can't expect people to come after me....

Can a member shun & still be part of it? I'd say no."

I say no too! And, that got me some backlash, but I honestly believe that you can't go around kicking people out of the community and belong for long, lest you be kicked out yourself.

Seriously, though, the mark of
social dysfunction is to voluntarily or involuntarily cut yourself off
from diverse feedback. If people only wants to hear praise, and/or live
in a small dyad or subculture that mutually inforces a skewed point of
view, that's going to be one funky, fragile bubble they live in!
Whether it's a cult or a marriage or a fan club, if you dismiss other
people's "grip on reality" wholecloth, you are going to the be one
slipping into paranoia, fear, and grandiosity. Which is sad for them,
and a trainwreck to watch. Some people like trainwrecks, though, so
huzzah!

If you don't interact with other people you aren't in the community.
Even if you are in their public eye, without interaction you are just
an entertainmen

I agree with this and I sure hope that Deb wasn't referrning to the train wreck on my blog. If so, I guess I shouldn't complain but one train wreck on all of my blogs (about 6) over the course of 6 years shouldn't make me a train wreck lover.

When I wrote on Preconception.com, I also visited a couple of chat rooms a lot. I became really good friends with a woman in particular. We've been really good friends, lost touch, met in person, I've been to her house 5 states away for a weekend, we've lost touch, we regained touched and all of this happened because of various on-goings in our lives. When they were similar we were close, obviously when they were different, we weren't.

Now, I am still very good friends with a girl from when I was 13. While in school, we were really close almost all the time, but after we graduated, we've been close in blocks of years. When I was married and she wasn't, when we both got divorced, etc. You see the point.....my online friends are no different than my real life friends.

And, since I'm wordy and I write long stuff, I'm going to hush now, I just want to close with one final fleeting thought..........none of my online friends, my real life friends or even my family have EVER EVER EVER EVER in my life done something on the level that Karen at Karen Sugarpants has done for the blogger in the post noted above. And, if you read her blog, you will see that this might be the biggest and bestest of the best that she has done for other bloggers but it is by no means the ONLY thing.

Now, she is one of the kids in that community that I would say seriously RAWWWKS. Yea, I say "HOLY TOMATO BATMAN " TO THAT GIRL BECAUSE SHE DOES RAWWWK!

Jerri Ann

Mom~E~Centric

I am definitely a new kid on the block and have been making my way through so many blogs the last few weeks trying to get how this all works.  This post is so great, because it proves that what I have been hoping to find is here:  Women who want to help eachother and are willing to look at themselves and examine how that is happening.  The fact that so many people are commenting here and willing to talk about what the community IS, is just beautiful.

So, I am starting to figure it all out and I will try to put myself out there.  It is hard to imagine that anyone is interesting in what I think, since I feel so out of sorts myself, but you are exactly right, you get what you put out there.  I have always been scared of putting myself out there.  I hate rejection, but everyone does, I know.  I guess here I will only be judged on what I say, not on my looks, or my car or my job.  That's what is so great about this community.

Gina

http://momwifeworkerbee.blogspot.com/

Posts like these make me sad. How can there be people who claim to support community in one breath but then want to kick people out of it in another, just because they don't do the whole comment thing? Oh wait, because without comments we are nothing, right? UGH.... This is exactly why I stopped comments on my blog.  I don't care about attacks, although I've been attacked, my life has been, and so have my children. I never deleted those comments because I think it reflects more on the person writing them. They don't hurt me. That is not why I stopped commenting. I stopped because it felt to me like people were all vying for big comment numbers rather than true connections. I care about authenticity, and for awhile, blogging started to seem really unreal to me. See, I had what I thought were a great group of women blogger friends. But, some of those women were getting really competitive, really jealous, really intent on being the next big Dooce. I found myself wrapped up in a very fake, very false community. It hurt me when someone I thought was a friend lashed out at me by claiming she would get her 100 readers after me. I realized that my writing was suffering because I was so caught up in all this. See, I just want to write. I just want to read other amazing women writers. I just want to make real, healthy, true connections. It just wasn't going down that way. Maybe, it was the crowd I was in. Maybe, it was me. I don't know. But, I needed a break. I turned off comments. I stopped leaving comments, although I have broken that rule more than a few times because women bloggers just inspire me so much and I had to tell them. Anyway, I left an e-mail open. I e-mail others. I do connect. I have made some amazing friends. We have gone to see each other, text daily, e-mail all the time. I read countless women. I am awed by countless women. I do participate in the community. But, I had to prove my point to some women who were reading and not getting it. It isn't about comments. It isn't about fame. It isn't about bloggy power. It isn't about generating more hits so you can get more money. That is all crap. It should be about supporting other women.  It should be about the message you are sending. Why judge? What can you gain by judging others? If they choose not to comment, why do you care? I am astounded by how people are willing to judge, lash out, hurt. But, I'm also inspired by how many truly brave, beautiful, talented women writers I read each day. I am touched by the generous e-mails I get telling me my words have meant something. I blog to remind myself that I have worth. I blog to remind myself that I am a poet, even if I spend most of the day walking around unshowered with a baby on each hip. I blog because I have such a fierce desire to find my voice and use it to make the world a better place. How is that not participating in the community? Seriously, tell me that? I don't know. I guess I'm just sad that there are people who want to point fingers, accuse, judge, kick out. That is not community.

I also wanted to say to Jenna. I have read you on a regular basis for a long time. I love the Chronicles. But, I never comment because I am an adoptive mom. I never felt comfortable because sometimes your post cause me pain over the fact that I'm sure my son's birthmother feels as you do. I read you because it gives me hope that one day I can make things right between her and I. I read to learn from you. You inspire me. Even though I may not always agree with you, I respect you. You girl, are what community is about. Hold that head up proud!

 Peace,

Kelly

http://www.ordinaryartblog.blogspot.com

It is for reasons just like the ones you state that I asked the question in the first place.   

"Is there such thing as a "mom blogging community" and are their "rules" to being a part of it?"

I absolutely want to know what bloggers think and feel about it.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions.  They are very valuable to this conversation and a vital part of defining what makes a community.

~Jennifer Satterwhite~

Personal blog: Mommy Needs Coffee

I think it comes down to two things: respect and support.  You don't always agree with other moms, of COURSE you don't, that's what makes us great, our diversity.  I love hearing how other Moms cope, sometimes getting inspiration from women who look at things in an entirely different way than I do.

As I say, I DO disagree with some of you sometimes, but I hope that I do so with respect. Because you have a right to your opinion and a right to voice it, same as me.

And to me real support comes around when we put aside those differences and disagreements, and reach out as a community to help each other.  I also have a pet blog, as I am an owner of two rescued cats, and I have to tell you that I am blown away by the support the "Cat Blogosphere" has shown me, and in fact every pet blogger they encounter.  They hold raffles, they raise funds, they reach out to each other.  THAT, to me, is real support. 

Comments? I love comments, sure.  But if you don't really want to comment, don't feel like you have to come by and say something like "great post!" if you don't really mean it, just to be supportive.  I'm a big girl.  It's enough for me to know that you are all out there, and if I really needed you, I could reach out for help.

www.coolmomsrule.blogspot.com

 You beat me to the punch in posting, though, and kudos to you.  Now I don't feel I have to do it.  At least not yet. 

Why was I thinking about this issue?  A bunch of mom bloggers from the LA Moms Blog got together in person yesterday.  Before I left for our little Sunday chat 'n chew, I told my husband, who, I have to say, may be hobbled by a genetic predisposition to skepticism, how excited everyone was to meet everyone else in person.  He looked at me quizzically and basically asked whether I really thought the sentiments were genuine.  I just said, yes--you should have seen the e-mails that have been going around.  No way to feign that level of excitement or involvement.  What I really wanted to say was . . .DUH--oh clueless one, why would we all bother to plan to get together informally--and why would anyone attend--if we weren't genuinely interested in meeting our fellow Socal moms?  What would be the point?  (There were martinis and lots of food, but I'm not sure even that's enough pull to get a bunch of busy moms together when there are so many other pressing things that need doing.)

The bottom line is. . .we love to write, and we may have a personal agenda in doing so, but we also really need and enjoy the community, the support of a bunch of smart, funny, interesting women.  As Donna said, we tend to be isolated as a group--in particular in this time and in this place. We don't have the same sort of community and connections previous generations of women enjoyed. (That's not to say that previous generations had it easy. . .they most certainly did not. . .particularly when it came to making choices in how to lead their lives.)  Certainly, in the urban sprawl that is LA we often don't get a chance to connect with others if we're not in a busy workplace.  Many of us, myself included, are transplants and have no family here.  If it weren't for the communities I've "built," for lack of a better word, through my children's school, through the web, through blogging, and through other avenues I would be quite lonely, and at a loss for the very connections that seem to sustain us women.  (I'm sure the foregoing doesn't apply to every woman, but, kindly allow me generalize anyway).  Blogging enables us to build a family, of sorts--a family of people we may never have had the opportunity to meet in other circumstances.  

Okay--I'm rambling on and on here--sorry. . .but thanks, Jenn, for posting your question for everyone's comment.  You helped answer the very question I was asking myself--and was planning to ask others.   And thanks also to Socalmom, for pointing me in the direction of this post.

Karen S.

www.lamomsblog.com

www.nouvelleblogger.com