There's a Beast in my Living Room


A look back at this Christmas..

This should start out with something new I learned this weekend: I should never be allowed to pick out a Christmas tree. I think I watched too many Charlie Brown Christmas specials as a child. I'm terrified that one morning I'll wake up and my tree will look like someone never loved it.
When we went to Lowe's this weekend to pick out a tree, I was already pissed off that we weren't going to a tree farm to slaughter our own tree. Going to pick one out of a pile of other pre-slaughtered Christmas trees just doesn't have the charm of a tree farm. Besides, I like the idea of cutting down my own tree; it's totally barbaric and barbaric is fun. At least at a tree farm the glorified Christmas trees are still standing up and can maintain some sort of dignity.
As we walked into Lowe's I swear I saw the Christmas tree from all of those Charlie Brown specials standing up by the front door. I then realized it was my mission to save these poor, mutilated Christmas trees from staying there through the holiday season until some more soul took pity on it and used it for a bonfire. At least we could save one of them anyways.
We walked up and down the aisles of trees in and effort to find the perfect tree for at least an hour.
Seth quickly learned that this was going to be like clothes shopping with me..Time consuming and aggravating to say the least.

I finally found one I want to see at the very bottom of the pile. I proceed to force him to  to rotate the tree a full 360 degrees so I can get the "feel" of the tree. Then we need to fluff it out to get a feel of what it would like once we got it home. I go on to change my mind and repeat this process at least 20 times with both of our kids in tow.

After two hours of him shooting stabby looks at me, I finally find the ONE. It's about 8 feet tall and weighs about 250 lbs.
I think he's PERFECT and Seth looks at me like he might strangle me right there in Lawn and Garden.
We ask the lawn and garden lady at Lowe's if they could help us load it and she's smirks at me and says "So you want to take home Beast, huh?"
My first thought is that this is AWESOME! I found the Christmas tree with a NAME.

We loaded up Beast with the help of four underpaid guys at Lowe's that kept shooting me the "Don't get too close to the crazy lady that smells like pine" look.

I'm not fat, I'm fluffy. Call me that again and I'll sap you!
We got him on top of the Jeep and drove like 15 mph home. When we got back to the house, we tried to take him in through the garage.
Seth is contemplating throwing Beast at me, if he could lift him by himself.


At this point Seth is giving me a hundred reasons why I don't NEED a tree this big, and I simply retort back by humming the Charlie Brown tune. After we carry it around the house and get it in through the front door, we have to figure out how to stand him up by ourselves. After 45 minutes we get it standing up in the tree stand and it tightened down in our tree stand. Chaos erupts when our tree stand is not big enough to hold such a big tree. Cursing ensues and Seth has to run back to Lowe's to get a BIGGER tree stand. At this point, I'm thinking I shouldn't take any food or drink from this man in the next forty-eight hours because he might try to kill me.

The end result:


Beast totally sapped us.
We conquered the Beast and now only have to spend the next week decorating it.
Wait...we need curtains....
(to be continued)


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