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Beyonce's "Single Ladies": There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Let Kids Do Pop Music

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Listen; I'm not a prude or a saint. I occasionally swear in front of my kids. I let them listen to most "popular" music and answer their questions when they want to know what something means, because I think they're better off learning it from me than from their friends. My philosophy is that it's a losing game to try to shield them from suggestive lyrics, so instead I try to listen with (and to!) them and offer explanations alongside infrequent opinions. (Because sometimes I just have to say, "You know? I think that's kind of inappropriate. I'd rather you not sing along to this one.")

And put me down as loving Beyonce's Single Ladies, both for the catchy, take-no-prisoners beat of the original and the plethora of parodies it spawned for our enjoyment. I not only enjoyed the whole range of shoulda-put-a-ring-on-it mania, I let my kids watch the videos, too, because I think they're entertaining and generally kid-safe.

But. You knew there was a but coming, right?

Parents of the world, please take note, because I do my darndest not to get all judgy on a regular basis, but I am about to get extremely judgy because it needs to be said. Okay. Are you paying attention? Good.

Kids and Beyonce's Single Ladies, the You're Doing It Right Edition:

(You've all seen that one by now, right? It's adorable! It's age-appropriate! It's empowering and sends a great message!)

Kids and Beyonce's Single Ladies, the Oh My God, MY EYES, You're Doing It Wrong Wrong Wrong Edition:

I saw the above video today on Perez Hilton and just sat and sputtered at my screen for a while. How old do you think those girls are? 8? Maybe as old as 10? Maybe?

I'll tell you how old they are: They are not nearly old enough to be performing sexual gyrations in front of an audience. That's how old they are. Watching that video made me want to find every single one of the parents of those little girls and shake them until their teeth clattered. Because I do not care that they're amazing dancers (they are). I do not care that I find their outfits skimpy and inappropriate (I do, but I know in the dance/performance world they're pretty standard). I care that someone, a whole lot of someones, who are supposed to be shepherding these girls through childhood, thought it was "cute" or "funny" or "entertaining" to teach little girls how to act like coked-up strippers and then have them show off those skills in front of a huge audience. I care that this video is going viral, with half the viewers finding it hilarious and the other half calling the dancers prostitots.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go watch the "Scholar Ladies" video again and cling to the hope that most children have intelligent role models who are allowing them to be smart and sassy without being too sexy, too soon. Because otherwise I am just going to sit here and wonder where in the world those girls' parents are, and just what the hell they were thinking.

BlogHer Contributing Editor Mir has to take a break and go weep for humanity, now. She blogs near-daily about issues parental and otherwise at Woulda Coulda Shoulda, and posts all day long about the joys of mindful retail therapy at Want Not.

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Jill Miller Zimon 5 pts

Well, I am here to offer up the inside view too (I saw a comment by a mom whose daughter has been dancing for 12 years but not among those or in a studio that puts on dances like the Single Ladies one - kudos for that - if my daughter had wanted to continue dance, we'd have found something appropriate as well, I'm sure - such studios ARE out there if the PARENTS so choose to exercise their discretion).

My now 13 year old daughter started dancing at 3 - actually, a little under three. She was, from the start fantastic, adorable and loved it. And I, from the start, was, even at the beginning, slightly appalled at the fawning and the pushing of some of the parents, not to mention the cost of the costumes and the shoes.

BUT...the older girls at this particular studio all really did seem (and I believe were and are) not inappropriate despite what I would call borderline too-adult costumes and choreography. It was more the obsession with the dance and the studio that got to me - it can be really, really intense, and totally take over your life, depending on how into it the kids get.

Within a year or two, my daughter tried out for "a line" and became the oldest in a line of about 10 girls I think it was. She did competitive dance for three full years and she was excellent at it. However, she never really liked the make-up or the hair gel, and although she had a few friends on the line, she was never jumping to get there the way many of the girls, after the first couple of years, really do. As she progressed, the amount travel we had to do increased, and with one son older and one son younger than her, it became a real juggling act. And the expenses rose and rose.

There were some changes with instructors, there were issues with a pecking order and eventually, when she was eight turning nine, she asked to not to it anymore. We did not argue, even a little.

Now - our studio was middle of the road compared to many - we saw many truly racy and inappropriate dances and sets of costumes. And I agree with all the comments here - what are the parents thinking? Why do they suspend reality for what the girls are being asked to do?

But the REAL underlying issue here? There is a racket, a pure, capitalist-driven, doting on your kids, your gonna be a star money-making thing going on. These organizations that hold the competitions? They drive these things and the studios drive them and the parents drive the studios and the idea of making your child stand out and get attention grabs hold of some parents and that's the end of it - they are sold lock, stock and barrel on how cute and adorable and attention-getting.

There is nothing wrong with having a talent and developing it and following the steps people follow to succeed with that talent in its discipline. But the money behind this particular area - this competitive dance stuff, and the making the girls and the parents the center of attention - it's seductive for many.

Although obviously some of us don't find it very hard to say, "ummm - yeah - NO."

I will say - the photos I have my daughter during those years - okay - to die for cute. And thank goodness, not provocative. Well - I don't think....;)

Jill Writes Like She Talks ( http://www.writeslikeshetalks.com )

In The Arena: Jill Miller Zimon, Pepper Pike City Council Member ( http://jillmillerzimon.blogspot.com )

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

The sexualization of young girls, the continued messages to girls that they are bodies more than they are thinking beings, the fact that some parents will do anything for their children to win a competition, etc.
This brought up images of Jon Bennet Ramsay to me, who was heavily made up and taught to look provocative in a way that doesn't come naturally to kids.
When I saw the video, I thought, if this had been young black or Latino girls the indignation would have been even louder. I saw the parents on the GMA program defending it - and their defenses were lame. I also was very upset that GMA kept playing a clip of the dance routine and hyping it even in the hour after the parents appeared.

The "Put an A On It" parody is charming and has some meaning.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

Shaping Youth 5 pts

All: Ironically, I'm in NYC right now w/a convening of those of us who are ready to do the 'shout from the windows' Howard Beale bit from Network, including the author of So Sexy so Soon (Jean Kilbourne) Packaging Girlhood (Lyn Mikel Brown) and the APA task force representatives declaring the harm of early sexualization as a public health issue...

Sooooooooo just wanted to add a 'save the date' message for those ready to join the movement Oct. 22 in NYC (Hunter College) :-)

We're definitely ready to engage YOUTH in this conversation (it'll be an 'adult needs a youth to register' concept to encourage girls to opt in big time) and join in the interactive, hands-on, actionist style fun---details coming soon, but it's def SLATED, so plan on it.
*************

p.s. Without a doubt these are uber-talented dancers w/sublime skill sets; it's the costumes/expressions that are elicited/solicited that skyrockets it into sexploitation orbit.

We're having some rip-roarin, tail-kickin, dust-ups on Facebook & Twitter convos about this as well, since some parents can't seem to get the fact that this is NOT a 'context vs. content' issue when it's a digital blast to the ether for full digestion/desensitization.

See what I mean here: (some alt POVs from parents on colleague Dr.Robyn's page--yowza) http://j.mp/dxRn7k

I'll be writing more over on Shaping Youth when I return back to my office in S.F. and link to this piece...But frankly am still slack-jawed with incredulity that there's NOT a fully united front on what constitutes 'the wrong way' with a great big huge "this is not ok" shoutout in the name of public health & kids' well-being.

Gonna fling open that window and yell in Beale style very, very loudly.

Amy Jussel
Shaping Youth

Barbara-The Middle Ages 5 pts

And isn't that a wildly cheering audience I hear in the background? Obviously, the girls are being encouraged -- and will remember that "glory".

Very difficult sitch as the girls ARE still children and can't possibly understand the reactions most people will have to this and why.

holcombpaul 5 pts

I'm a dad of 2 daughters and can't fathom what kind of parent encourages and trains their daughters to behave in such a way. Seems like these people try to vicariously overcome their own insecurities by turning their children into some kind of sexual spectacle. It's sick and borderline child abuse in my opinion.

allbee 5 pts

I totally agree. I'm a "dance Mom" with a daughter who has been taking dance for 12 years, and every year at dance conventions and competitions, the hootchy-mama dancers are there. (Luckily, my daughter is not one of them.) It gets worse every year. Check out this blog post about it-- you will laugh (and then cry some more?).
http://uncoolmom.com/2009/03/08/little-miss-sunshi...

-Patricia

sushishishi 5 pts

Sushishishi

I watched that video last night on Inside Edition and was flabbergasted!!!! The worst part was listening to the parents saying that there is nothing wrong with it, and that if you think it's sexual then YOU have the problem. The outfits alone are Poor judgement. I should know, I have that outfit in my bottom dresser drawer - you know the one for LINGERIE.

malanb 5 pts

I feel bad for these girls because they have some serious talent. The suggestive dance moves were disturbing but I doubt that the girls know that these moves mean. Their dancing skills are being overshadowed but the mistakes of adults! So sad!
I hope this controversary does not discourage the children from dancing but have the choreographer realize that these dance moves are not appropriate for children.

I love the Hope School video. It shows kids being kids. I am happy to see something positive and adorable. I would love to see more videos of kids doing positive things for all to see!

ms.p_the.word.wall 5 pts

I cannot believe this video! I went to Perez Hilton's website just two days ago and saw this video. I was shocked!!! The whole time I was watching I was thinking about these poor girls' grandpas and daddies! I would like to know who choreographed this.. he/she needs to be fired.

ms. p

Anne Morand 5 pts

I think all of you ladies are right. This is wrong. Yes, they are great dancers, but... no 8yo should know how to ... grind ! Come on people !
My own daughter was taking Hip-Hop lessons last year. Not paid by me but by her dad. Because I would never have said yes. She is going to hate me for saying this, but I saw the last year show (she was 13). And there is some moves they did that I wish I haven't seen. The hip/grounding thing is crappy to see in a kid. The look in their eyes ? Crappier (just invented a new word, sorry).
The good thing about the look is that my girl couldn't wear her glasses while she was dancing so even with the best efforts, she didn't have THAT look, she had the look of Phil, the groundhog when he wakes up in the spring.
Do I need to say that I didn't enroll her in the dance school for the next year ?

Heck, if you want to dance honey, do ballet. If you want to hip-hop/ground/pole, wait until...until later. Much later. For now ? Play soccer, hockey, softball...

Anne Morand

Freelance Writer

Household Engineer

mzcellaneous 5 pts

Thank you so much, first, for the Hope video. That actually brought a tear to my eye.

And secondly, thank you for saying what a million parents are saying right now.. WTH? I will admit, that the dancing has only a few moves I have a problem with. I don't have a LOT of problem with the outfits, as they are bigger than some bathing suits. It's the little touches in that routine that take it from being talented dancers to tiny strippers. The thigh high socks, the frill on the butt, the sexy faces, the shaking of the non-existant boobies.. all put it over the top.

And I stop and wonder, and want to say to each of those little girls, Honey, where is your mommmy?

Mz-Cellaneous - This little life of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

Laura@OurHouseOfJoyfulNoise 5 pts

....of pervert viewers who are getting off on this adult-performance by little girls?

I read somewhere else a commenter say that this is 'just a performance' to these little girls, and as long as they are taught morals at home from their parents, it shouldn't be an issue. Where is the value and moral in paying a dance studio teach your child to booty dance/dance provocatively, while being dressed so skimpily at this age? These learned dances will certainly stick with these girls, right into the dance clubs where young people hang out and 'show their stuff' in both dance moves and lack of attire, step outside for some air, and disappear right off the sidewalk forever, or until their sexually abused dead body is found. (Harsh I know-but true).

No doubt, these little girls have a lot of talent, and I am sure have put a whole lot of work into this performance. It's not their fault. Sadly, I think what so many find as 'cute' and entertaining about these little girl's dance here, is that they are doing adult dance moves, dressed older than they should be, and certainly sending adult messages they (the little girls) do not even know they are sending. That's part of some's humor in watching it. I am sure many of these kids did multiple dance performances this day, but THIS is the one that caught the most attention. And that's kind of the point, and confirmation of something that marketers have known for a good long time. Sex sells.

~ Laura (a.k.a. LLR)
www.ourhouseofjoyfulnoise.com ( http://www.ourhouseofjoyfulnoise.com )

IsleDance 5 pts

Well said. And with some slight (though important) adjustments, this could have been totally non-sexualized dancing.

One Friday night, I loaded up my life and headed out... ( http://isledance.blogspot.com )

nikki75 5 pts

wow this is incredibly wrong.
i am sure the girls have a lot of fun, but we all know that so will armies of men with their pants down in front of their tv or pc! unbelievable.
this made news in Australia too.
i can't understand how in countries where a breastfeeding pic or kids skinnydipping is seen as the wrong message or something, showbiz is pushing the limits in so many ways.to me it's not how little they are covered but WHAT they are wearing and the moves they are doing in it.
went to the hardware shop the other day with my husband and he pointed out two girls that were - indeed - dressed and hanging around 'like cheap mini-hookers trying to pick up a tradie!' they were about 10. at the most.
make-up, sunglasses, handbags, short skirts and attitude. what's wrong with the parents !? tart and slut look is NOT cute on a child.

http://mami75.wordpress.com - 'keep talking.' my new public blogthing.

Elisa Camahort 5 pts

Um, isn't Beyonce wearing a plain black full leotard (albeit with one bare shoulder) in her video?

Who thought: Gee, this is a really adult song with some adult movements, but you know what would make it appropriate for these 8 year olds?

SKIMPIER CLOTHING IN TRADITIONAL BORDELLO COLORS.

On the other hand, no I had not seen that Hope Schools video, and that's just about the cutest thing ever. So thanks for sharing that.

Elisa Camahort Page
BlogHer
elisa@blogher.com
My BlogHer profile truly shows you everything I do online...Check it out!!

Julie Ross Godar 5 pts

I can't get "If you learned it then you shoulda got an A on it" out of my head. (Much more to my liking than the original Beyonce lyric!)

A, A, A, A, A, A, A.

A, A, A, A, A!

Susan Getgood 5 pts

The first time I saw that video, all I could think was "where's the pole?"

There is nothing right about encouraging children to behave so sexually.

Nothing.

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps ( http://getgood.com/roadmaps ), Snapshot Chronicles ( http://snapshotchronicles.com ) and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip ( http://snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip ).

KGav 5 pts

These girls have mad dancing skills, but I just can't believe ANYONE would let them get up on stage dressed like that and make moves like that. I read somewhere that the girls are 7! Seven!

Come visit my little zoo! Just please don't feed the animals or tap on the glass.
http://gavmenagerie.blogspot.com/

Megan Smith 5 pts

I'm with Busybeeson on this one. The worst of it isn't the dancing--the girls are fabulous dancers--it's the suggestive costumes and the even more suggestive dance moves that are totally inappropriate for girls that age.

Kudos to the Scholar Ladies!

Megan

TV/Online Video Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ )

Meg's Rad Reviews ( http://www.megsradreviews.com )

Fluid Pudding 5 pts

I believe the only appropriate thing about this is that it was put up by Yak Films. And although I often need to hear both sides before forming an opinion, I can't imagine anything these girls' parents would say that would make me think, "Okay then. You're right. Carry on with the gyration, young girls."

sassymonkey 6 pts moderator

Is my former roommate who was not allowed to take ballet as a kid because her mother thought that modern ballet was nothing but people writhing around half naked on the floor.

Her mother might need smelling salts if she saw this.

(I actually saw it a few weeks ago and tried to erase it from my memory and pretend it never existed.)

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

busybeeson 5 pts

I am horrified too. Though, I do think that the dance isn't the worst part about the performance, it's the suggestive looks and the lack of outfits. I mean really! It's also a shame because those little girls were amazing dancers for the most part and you can't appreciate that because of the overt sexuality and inappropriate nature of the performance. Sadly, I think little girls are dealing with this a lot these days. If you want to see something really disturbing, do a search for little girl's halloween costumes. In my day, a ladybug costume wasn't a two piece with thigh high socks. Scary stuff.

Elizabeth blogs at I'm the Boss of Me Now ( http://imthebossofmenow.blogspot.com ) and designs for Quite Clever Jewelry ( http://www.quiteclever.etsy.com ).

miguelina 5 pts

I agree with you completely. I think the worst part is the little girl's expressions -- someone taught them to look at the audience in that way, and that's just not right. These are not young teens, tweens, whatever -- these are children. CHILDREN.

If I'm not here ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/miguelina ), I'm at my blog ( http://www.everydaytreats.com/ ) or on Twitter ( http://twitter.com/miguelina )