They were right...it really does go too fast
By ncholet on August 20, 2014
People told me to enjoy each moment, because they would be gone before I knew it. I remember outwardly nodding and agreeing that it was, indeed, going too quickly. On the inside, however, I was doubtful. I mean, seriously, how could time possibly be going by quickly when there were days that felt like they never ended, and weeks when it seemed like the weekend would never come? I felt like I was going to have three toddlers, boys, tweens, or teens around for FOREVER.
I don't mean that to sound like I was dying for them to grow up...I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel of childhood.
There were also days in the tween/teen era that I thought that one or more of them might reach and untimely end, if their attitude didn't improve a smidge. There were moments when my darling husband carefully pulled me from the edge of insanity when they all decided to pull the teenage angst scene at the same time. At times, I am impressed that we've remained a family of five.
I kid...kind of. ;)
I distinctly remember a specific Saturday morning, many years ago, when I thought this day would never come. My husband had been traveling for over two weeks, I was exhausted, and I had three rambunctious boys who were full of energy and a little too much mischief. I was trying to be the patient and calm mother, but was failing miserably. I was at my wits end, on the verge of tears, and needing some comfort and affirmation. So, I called my dad for support.
I remember the conversation clearly...and so does he. It went almost exactly like this:
Me: "Hey dad."
My dad: "Hi Hon. What's up? You sound tired."
Me: "Dad, can I ask you a serious question?"
My dad: "Of course."
Me: "Do you promise to tell me the truth?"
My dad: "Of course."
Me: "When we were little, was there ever a time when.........
just for a split second.........
you just wanted to kill us all?"
<Muffled laughter on the other end of the line>
Me: "Oh thank GOD!"
I'm sure he was laughing because I was finally getting my due, but I was so relieved to hear that I wasn't a horrible parent. Of course, I wasn't going to hurt my children, or do anything even remotely similar, but I was way beyond my calm mother limit, needing to vent, and to hear that we all have moments like that. And, at that moment, I absolutely could not foresee a time when I didn't have the boys around... every waking moment. I couldn't picture a day when they would be even remotely ready to leave home and venture out into the world: but come, it did.
My oldest has left for college. His dad is with him, getting set up in the dorms, and I'm holding down the fort here in Singapore with the younger two. The guys have Skyped a few times to give me the latest update of how everything is going, and the stories are hilarious. I'm so excited for my son. I remember what it was like to be in university and to live in the dorms, and it was awesome! Listening to them, I have to tell you, I'm kind of sorry I'm missing all the action. I feel like I'm missing out on a moment that will only come by once. Having said that, I'm not even sure I should be there with them. Would I ruin it? Could I be the cool mom, giving my boy the space he needs to be independent, and still be able to comfort him when the reality of that impending independence becomes just a bit too much? It's a very fine line that my husband is walking with superb wisdom, as usual. I'd like to think that I could do it without making a scene. In my mind, I'd be awesome...but I have to be honest here...I'm the woman who cries at commercials, baseball movies, and just about anything that has to do with kids. That's not a good sign, and is likely why my son requested his dad go with him. I get it.
The next few months are definitely going to be an adjustment. We're a man down around here, and it feels...well, it feels weird. Fortunately for me, Christmas is only four months away. I haven't felt the holiday anticipation the past few years, but I think this year will be different. It won't be three little boys, crazy with anticipation for Christmas morning, it will be me eagerly waiting for all my boys to be home again.
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