I was scrolling through the most recent photos taken by my Flickr contacts when BlogHer contributing editor Grace Davis blew me away with a set of her friends' impromptu wedding. Courtesy of an online ordination service, Grace also just happened to be the officiant. She tells this wonderful story best.

What I appreciated the most about her "Surprise! Jen and Richard Tie the Knot (and I officiate!)" photo set was her tags of "chosenfamily" and "extendedfamily". Clearly Grace is special to these two, as they chose her to be present at one of the most important moments in their lives. You can see the connection among them in the photos of the entire group gathered for the occasion, in the expressions on their faces and the body language. (Grace's captions help a lot too.)

I've been thinking a lot since about the beauty of finding people not related to you by blood, but whom you count among your most important relationships all the same. Family of the blood-related variety is important, but it's not the whole or only tie that binds for most of us. Sometimes it's not a tie at all. When biological family relationships cause pain and discontent, friends - the "chosen family"- can become the focus. And in many cases where we have the usual mixed bag of good and bad related to our birth families, friends are still a necessary extension of our most significant ties.

People make choices all the time about relationships - who to give time and energy to, who we allow to hear our words and stories and secrets, who we choose to celebrate and grieve with. One of the most joyous and profound of these choices, in my opinion, is of who to pick to fill what are sometimes empty spaces, or maybe just those created by scooting over a little bit at the dinner table. These are relationships not based on a (good or unfortunate) accident of birth, but those collected along the way through shared experiences, neighborhoods, workplaces, interests, activities, and life circumstances.

Nneka wrote this post as part of the Season of Gratitude series at the Balanced Life Center's website.

You can choose the mother you never had. A friend that will always nurture you. The first one to consider your feelings when you call to talk about a run in you had with your boss. You can choose the perfect brother. Someone who will tell you the truth without mincing words. You know you can turn to this person when you feel like lying to yourself because they won’t, but they are always in your corner. There to help you grow. You can choose the perfect father. Someone who has your back, but calls you on your BS. You can choose the perfect sister. The friend you call up to catch the latest movie or take a road trip. She’s fun, energetic, and always there for a good time.

Maybe yarn is a tie that really binds? I found a few knitters writing about their closest chosen connections. CFlute at Confessions of a Yarn Geek found herself pondering family when responding to birthday wishes. (She goes on to answer the question in her post.)

Does "family" mean the people one is genetically related to, who send you commercial greeting cards and birthday checks? Or is it the people who share your dreams and aspirations, who bring you a bowl of fresh-picked blackberries for a snack, both because it's your birthday and just because they know it'll make you smile?

The Lint Knitter, too, explains why her family - biological and not - is all chosen. Cordelia of Cordeliaknits has close people in many spots near and far.

Zanne Joi of Code Pink Road Journals is visiting her chosen family as she's on a mission, driving the Code Pink truck across country.

...even tho i am the one actually driving the truck, i could not even head out from home if it were not for the support of many, many, many wimmin (and several men as well).

Crazymumma says it's all a beautiful mix.

We all need one. A tribe. A place where we belong without hesitation.

What I have created along with mr mumma, our family, is a tribe. Of course.

But I am talking about those who stand by me in my mix. Who stand with me as waves crash on the rocks in my mind. Who roll on the grass snorting wine out our noses laughing so hard. Dancing until we can move no more. Fretting about our children our lives the future.
Howling at the moon.

Friends.

Who have become family. The people who I have brought into the crazymumma love mashup.

Finally, another Grace, this one aka MotorCoding Mama (yes, motorcycles and computers!) wrote a wonderful post recently about the many forms "family" has taken in her life so far, as she has committed to partnerships, adopted a child, and now finds herself ending a relationship and moving on to other possibilities.

Looking back over the years I see the windy road that's led to my current mash-up of blood and chosen ties. It shifts and grows as I age, as my priorities and activities change, and as my persistent life demands it. What I hope remains is the grace, like Grace, of sharing my experiences with people who choose me, and whom I choose.

Contributing Editor Laurie White blogs at LaurieWrites