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The Thing Is It's Not All Bad . . .
It's been a rough couple of days and one of the worst weekends that I can remember having with mom. Why do I feel so guilty even writing that? This picture I posted is from Thanksgiving 2009, and it speaks loudly to how I feel. Exhausted. In this picture I look tired, and I am.
Mom has OCD. She has for as long as any of us can remember. We grew up in a home where the flatware was lined, in the drawer, perfectly. The pantry was organized and everything had it's place and must be in it's place. Mom literally cannot sit still if she even thinks something is out of order. Throw OCD and Alzheimer's together and it's enough to drive a caretaker insane.
Mom's OCD is always present and annoying. But it's annoying at different levels. For instance, Mom is obsessed with counting her money, or I should say doing her version of counting her money. Mom has no idea what the numerical value of anything is so whatever it is she is counting is all in her mind. On the average of once a month, or so, the OCD takes on a life of it's own and begins spinning out of control. I recognized this on Thursday and began to cringe. I took mom out to the espresso cafe and we had lunch sitting in doors while looking out at the marina with the boats. Mom loves the water and the boats.
I can't even count how many times mom counted her money. How many times she asked me to take her to were I am hiding all her money. Accusing me of stealing all her money. She has no idea who I am, nor who Phil is, but she is sure we have stolen all her money. It's hard not to find a bit of humor in this because mom has no idea what money is, nor why she needs any, she just feels she needs to have some of it. Alzheimer's disease is hard. Phil and I gave her an Ambien in hopes that she would go to bed early.
Friday morning seemed to come to soon and she was just as bad. Saturday I hid, in the house, away from her as much as I could while also keeping an eye on her. Today I had to get out away from her for a few hours so Phil stayed with her and I went down to the espresso cafe with my Kindle and read for a few hours. I came home feeling much better and feeling like I could handle mom. I , along with her doctors, believe that mom has had a TIA when she gets like this--a mini stroke tat she recovers from in a few hours or day. Now it's Sunday night and she's still acting out. Ambien again. It's now 10:45pm and I do believe she is asleep.
The thing is it's not all bad. It's not bad all the time with mom. I want to write about some of the fun things that go on with her. Taking her to the mall. Mom loves to go to Macy's. She's not up for much else but she has always been a Macy's shopper and she may not see that it is Macy's, but she knows she likes being there. Mm loves to go to eat at the Golden Steer which is owned by some good friends of ours who always treat her like gold. She doesn't remember Jim and Suzanne, but she loves to be greeted and hugged by them. My next post will be happy.
Marileigh
