Think Women Really Like "Bad Boys"? Think Again

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The other day my guy and I went swimming in our friend’s pool. We often have our friend’s phone hooked up to speakers so we can listen to music and have a good time. We are floating about as we usually do and this song comes on the playlist, and the main lyric was something like, “Why do all the good girls like bad boys?” OK, so we had never heard this song before and it wasn't our cup o’ tea, but it was some kind of pop-punk band and it got our attention. So the guy sings, “Why do all the good girls like bad boys?” Right after we heard this line, my guy says, “They don’t. They just want to sleep with them.”

 

Danger sign

Image: dislokated via Flickr

 

I paused while taking in what he had just said, and then it dawned on me that he was completely right. He’s very intelligent and observant about many things, so it didn't surprise me too much that this kind of assessment came from him. Some men haven't a clue what women want or don’t want, and we can’t entirely blame them because a lot of women don’t even know what women want.

There is  a certain undeniable appeal to “bad boys”, but I think it is mostly sexual. Many girls find themselves attracted to one at some time or another, and it will usually be a temporary attraction. I have also noticed that many men take the whole “nice guys finish last” and “girls like bad boys” thing way too seriously, and then use it to start acting like complete pricks. At first, some women might not seem to mind a guy with a list of bad habits, a dangerous side, or even an attitude; they might find it sexually appealing. I think that’s only because it sends off a signal to us that he’s fun and the sex is hot. It’s usually the truth, and it’s the exact same reason why some men find “bad girls” hot as well. But are these really the same people we want to marry?

These bad boys are called "bad boys" for a reason-- they usually make bad boyfriends.I don't think the average woman really likes the "bad" guy, and as soon as reality sets in and he starts to direct his attitude towards her or she feels like she’s not valued by him, she will be turned off. Most women won’t put up with it once they realize that they aren't excluded from the list of things and people the guys treat poorly. Eventually, those “nice guys” that people seem to think are pathetic start to look better to them, unless the women are doormats, but that’s another post for another day.

Sometimes, some women romanticize the idea that a bad boy will be a "good" boy just for her, but how often does this happen? Some women entertain the thought of "taming" the bad boy. They like the idea that they could take the troubled, rebellious, wild guy and turn him into the happy, gentlemanly, family man. And that’s not really about “changing the guy”, it’s about the feeling a woman gets when she realizes she was the reason he wanted to change or that she made him a better man and made him happy. I'm sure that would feel awesome to most women, but this rarely happens in the ways women imagine it will. In reality, this kind of relationship just doesn't last.

I’m not saying that women like clingy, kiss-ass, overly agreeable men either because that backfires as fast as being a dismissive prick does. It's about finding a balance. A woman might be attracted to a bad boy at first, but she will stay with the man who knows how to respect her, offer his support and valuable opinions when needed, and treat her as an equal partner in life.

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