Things Motherhood Has Taught Me (aka Things I Wish I Didn't Know)

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I've been a mom for a while now, but I'm still frequently introduced to new (ridiculous shenanigans) challenges that test my (patience) parenting skills. These daily Mommy Moments often encourage me to (stab myself in the leg with a spoon) expand the toolbox of Mommy Solutions I have on hand. That way, I can really tackle these marvelous opportunities and become a more well-rounded individual (who frequently contemplates giving her kids up for adoption).

With information I've acquired thanks to my children, I now know the following things about the world, and about myself:

  • No matter how many times you harp on them, children have an innate inability to check their pockets before putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket (but let's be realistic here, they're probably not going to put the clothes in the laundry basket, anyway).
  • If the clothes do manage to make it off the floor and into the laundry, dish-washing liquid works wonders on items that take a journey through the washer and dryer in the company of a wayward Very Cherry chapstick.
  • If your child says she feels like she might throw up, the odds that she actually will throw up increase exponentially with the inconvenience of your location.

  • Peas baby, peas - 201 days oldTired babies rub their ears a lot, and all babies (even the fully rested ones) create a gigantic mess when they eat. So if you try to squeeze in a quick lunch right before her afternoon nap, you'll often wind up with baby ears full of mashed peas.
  • Mashed peas are hard to get out of baby ears -- also, if you don't notice the peas right away, they can lead to some pretty freaky looks from people waiting in line near you at the drugstore.
  • A 10-year-old boy will talk about Star Wars with such animation at 7 AM that he will rarely notice that you're not even paying attention, unless he pauses to take a breath, which is unlikely.
  • If your baby doesn't seem as hungry as she should be, before you flip out and start Googling "deadly illnesses that reduce infant appetite" check the toy box, because you might find an empty bag of yogurt melts in there that explains the satisfied look on her face.
  • Mommies sometimes wake up with gum in their hair, even when they haven't been chewing any gum.
  • Removing gum from hair is not easy. Sometimes it requires a hair cut. A really stupid hair cut. The child directly responsible for the necessity of the stupid-looking haircut will not recognize the danger of bodily harm that arises from mentioning the stupid-looking haircut in front of you.
  • No government agency exists, to the best of my knowledge, that can prevent you from encouraging your children to wear ridiculous things like bathing suits and snow boots and Batman masks in public, even if your reason for doing so is Secret Retaliation For Causing a Stupid Haircut.

What about you? What have you learned as a mom that you sort of wish you didn't have to know?


Photo Credit: jessicafm.


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